Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

[Guest]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Tulipe,
I know how you feel. I just tonight checked out Facebook. My husband actually was communicating openly, so all could see, with other women and setting up meetings with them on Facebook. My customers see this!
I've been so busy with my business, I just didn't think to check.
Until the last few days, when I finally got on a family cell phone plan with him, had still had, up until that point, a cell phone from my home state for 4 years since we've been married. He resisted the change over! Hmmmm

I guess I knew. Now I see he is calling other women, on nights he is going out, calls all day to them. He is always late coming home.

He is an computer genius , keeps all his 5 computers locked all the time he is gone, or if he goes to the bathroom. When he is home he is on them continually. Clicks off any page he is on if I walk by.
I guess I knew, just didn't want to or couldn't admit it.

I'm in such pain right now. I hate that I checked, but we've been talking about buying a house. I knew it is a mistake. It would have ended up in my name, my debt.

He is so distant all the time, I know he is saying this just to buy time.

I hope your situation turns out well. I'm 59 years old. Have no savings or retirement, my husband doesn't even put me on his health insurance. I support myself. Everything I own is in storage in the state I moved from. My family lives 16 hours away.

Just trying to keep myself together.

I don't go with him, he works nights as a musician, 'famous', plays for well known artists.
After finding out about his first affair, first year of our marriage, I stayed home and put on 30#, was so depressed. Now trying to lose it. What a stupid move that was!

My life has gone down the tubes in so many ways. It gave me the excuse to go back to the drinking problem. Not working at all!!

I don't know what I will do.

I know losing myself in alcohol and in the last few years food, has not helped me at all!

If this ends, I want to walk out with my head held high and there is only one way I can do that, not being a drunk. Saying I am a drunk is almost harder than saying an alcoholic.

That's why I've worked so hard at being sober. I now see it was very handy for him, my drinking.
Gave him the excuse to not answer questions, not come home.

It is hard. I have not mentioned to him all I've found out in the last three days. My goal is not to.
He brought me home a case of beer before he left tonight. I know why. Other plans for tonight.

Take care, it is so hard. But we lose, if we lose ourselves to booze over them. I know it's so easy to say, but I know it is true. I'm broke, can't get back home. He has never been willing to help me financially. I do support everything connected with me, but it's not enough to leave on.

I hope you are younger and can learn from some of our life lessons we've come by with such high price.

I will have to leave eventually, but I have no idea how.

But drinking is only going to make this so much worse, plus it gives them someone to point the finger at and blame. Even if we had nothing to do with their choices.

Take care. I'm trying too.

Don't be ashamed, I'm trying so hard to hold myself together. I'm willing to help you anyway I can.

[greeneyes]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Grace, :l. You are still young with many years to enjoy. Perhaps you should seek legal counsel on how to not continue living those years as you are.

[clare]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

you are one strong LADY best of luck. x

[JackieClaire]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Oh Grace,
Don't know what to say.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Jackie xxx

[sosad61]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Grace. That's horrible that he brought home a case of beer and left it for you while he went out. It shows he doesn't care about your well being, only keeping you boozed up so you won't see what he's doing. It's abuse plain and simple. And what's with him not putting you on his insurance?

As others have said, you are one strong woman. Stay that way and one day the laugh will be on him, only it won't be very funny. Karma's a bitch.

[LilBit]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

sosad61;694801 wrote: As others have said, you are one strong woman. Stay that way and one day the laugh will be on him, only it won't be very funny. Karma's a bitch.

Well said, SoSad! Grace, I'm sending you and Tulipe strength and prayers. :l

[brightlite]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Oh Grace...secrets, no support financially or otherwise...what is up with that? I'm also sending you good vibes and wishing you strength for the decisions you will need to make.

[YoungAtHeart]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Sending hugs to Tulipe and Grace. Hang in there ladies and honor yourselves. You both deserve better, and you can get it for yourselves with time.

[Guest]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Thank you all for your wonderful support.
I did break down yesterday, he spends his weekend days going to the gym, eating out, gone hours at a time.
He came home yesterday, I wanted to give him every benefit of doubt. He has an ex wife from 20 years ago who has made my life a hell over the 4 years. She comes into every relationship he has and ruins it. He has admitted that to me. At one point I thought I could befriend her, she does not live in this state, but found that they were going to meet together behind my back. She spent months calling me drunk and harassing me. My husband has admitted she does this every time he is with someone. She's been married 4 times since him. Has 'slept' with all his friends. Then she comes stays with him and within a month is sleeping with one of his friends. She is a tramp.
I now find they are calling each other all the time again, when I thought our relationship was better. I have no on-line proof, used ot know about the emails unti he locked up computers, I locked her from contacted me by phone and email, but now his cell phone records. He keeps denying it, when I have the proof! If there is evil on earth, it is her!

I feel so alone. She treated me so horribly and he admitted she did. But he can't let her go.

She doesn't want him but wanted no one else with him.

But she is not the only one. There are others, which he continues to deny......I have proof.

I don't understand? Why? Why? I wait on him hand and foot. He enters this apt and I take care of all of his needs. I can't stand to be put down.

He left his wedding ring at home today, to hurt me. My work is piling up. Difficult, custom orders coming in. My website needs updating so desperately, he is a web designer, day job after 30 years performing on the road. Instead he spends hours on Face Book and photoshopping pictures of himself!! (OK, we are totally anonymous here, he also take naked pic's of himself, where they end up , I don't know. My website has pictures of him and us. You won't find one of me anywhere on the 6-7 personal or band websites he has. That hurts!

He says he has a Peter Pan Complex, he sure does, it's all him.
OK, I'm hurting........can't quit crying. Can't tell anyone but you. I'm willing to talk with him, understand, be forgiving. But he is like a child, lie, even with proof, just lie.

I will continue to try to get back to my work orders piling up. I can't concentrate. I have to design and invent new products. How can I do that through tears? But it is my only hoe for the future. Plus reconnecting with people in the business. I'm shy by nature, but have so many wonderful, busy related friends. I have a huge plus in that. But I can't let myself be seen 30# overweight, my husband has called me such horrible names connected with my weight, killed my self esteem. Won't touch a fat..........like me.
OK I've ranted, I need a hug. I need someone to say I'm not worthless. I just wanted a best friend to spend the rest of my years with. He's gone.

I just need to know I'm not alone in this world. That his view of me, and I haven't been a drunk for so long. I'm a respectable well liked person. Until I went into hiding 3 years ago. # years , no kids or grandkids.
I'm so lonely.
Just down, I always eventually work my way out.
Thanks so much.

[Marshy]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Grace,
That sounds like a horrible situation. If one of my friends told me they were going through that, I'd say "leave!". Do you really think it will get better? He makes you feel bad about yourself. Who needs that?

Reconnect with your friends - they'll be pleased to see you, and 30lbs is nothing, don't let that hold you back from gathering a support network around you.
You are NOT worthless, and you don't deserve to be treated the way you are being treated.

[sosad61]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Grace, you even have ME pissed at this asshole. He's an abuser, a cheater, and a liar. You should get away from him Grace; it's never going to get better. He's yanking you around on a chain and I think he is actually enjoying it. Move in with a friend, move in with family, but get away from this sadistic man. I know how hard that can be, believe me. But from what you've told us, things will never get any better because your relationship is no longer a two way street. He's using you. It sounds to me like he wants you to leave so he can somehow use that as an excuse to not pay alimony. I don't know; all I know is he is playing you. The 30 lbs? Meh... Since you've stopped drinking, give it a month or two and you will find the weight begin to drop - slow at first and then more rapidly.

God Bless.

[sosad61]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Being a man, I would give you some advice from a man's perspective, but you're husband's not a man.

[keeta]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Grace,
You are NOT alone. We are all here, rooting for you, caring, and I will support you in any way this medium will allow. I wish I could span the miles and envelope you in a warm, tight hug, and tell you you are worth so much more than this man is giving you.

First, if he is unfaithful, and you have proof, you should address this with him. Anyone, including you, deserves a trustworthy partner in life, unless monogomy was not a requirement, and discussed PRIOR to getting together. I personally think this is part of the reason he is working so hard to kill your self esteem. So that you will continue to be a door mat, cater to his every whim, and not take a stand when he is behaving this way. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

Secondly, thirty pounds is not THAT much weight to lose. Pay attention to what you are eating and why. Cut out the junk, including empty liquid calories, and take yourself for a walk twice a day Start caring about yourself, and cater to YOUR needs. YOU DESERVE IT.

Keep in contact with the people in your friend and business circles. Stay social, build up your support system, so you have that backup if and when you decide enough is enough.

I guess not knowing you, I shouldn't be talking on such a personal level, but your posts touched me, touched the me that has been abused, the me that has been crushed beneath the foot of a man that needed me to be the weakest me he could get, to treat me that way so HE could feel BIG.

Ugh, I would love to kick him right in the balls.....grrrrrrrrr.

Sorry Grace....I guess I just wanted you to know you aren't alone, that I care...understand, and will try my best to help you build up your self esteem that he has worked so hard to destroy.

[LilBit]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

sosad61;695354 wrote: Being a man, I would give you some advice from a man's perspective, but you're husband's not a man.

Oooo! This is why I love So Sad! Well said, buddy.

Believe me, Grace, I was with a loser like this once, and (unless he's willing and able to immediately undergo some radical changes) it will not get better! Even if leaving him right at this moment might not be practical, at least start making your plans today. You'll feel better when you are beginning to take some positive action on your own behalf.

You are not worthless because this worms sends you signals that say so. Consider the source, my dear. BTW, should I even ask why he feels the need to Photoshop his own image? Yuk! That is really pathetic.

Stay strong!

[Guest]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Too tired to say much, He looked me in the eye and said he hates me and does not love me. ( I begged him to tell me how he felt for me, did not think he felt that) Does not care what happens to me. I have no one I would put this on. His ex wife who told me today he told her she was the only one he only loved. WOW, I've hear from them both, they were never faithful to each other. I told him my life is over, he said good, I just want you gone!!! I said, what now, he said , kill yourself, do us all a favor.
I just want someone to remember I was here. I had a business that may have become successfull. So may orders right now, no way I can do it now. Kids don't want to hear of my problems, I failed at the last of my life, hopefully I will be remembered for the years past.
I tried so hard to make this work, some men just don't care. He never had any kids,he wants nothing to do with mine, he makes fun of movies or TV promoting marriage, he thinks well, I think you know. I would never had married him, He wanted a moral, country gal, till he had one. Then it was back to the xxxxxxfun times. I cannot go there.
Thank you all. The best to everyone.