Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

[Dreamweaver]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Can you check the history file on the home computer?

[brittzak]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Loriana BOBBIT...all I gotta say

[beautifulred]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Tulipe,

I have not been on for quite some time so I don't know much about you or your situation but I saw this post and had to respond. Of course, I don't know your hub or his past behavior but I am VERY familiar with this behavior. My divorce will be final on Aug 27th because of just this sort of behavior and YES....he was having an affair. The red flags are all over the place, start getting your financial security together. I did and am much better off now than I was for 3 years trying to save a shattered marriage. Good luck hun.
BR

[Dreamweaver]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Keylogger! That is brilliant. I had to google it.

[LilBit]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Hugs to you, Tulipe.

I unfortunately agree with the others who say "the signs are there." Plus, you know him well enough that if your instincts say something's up, it probably is. At least, chances are, it's only a fantasy-based online relationship that hasn't and never will develop into an in-person thing, especially since the bimbo (Yes, I said, "bimbo!" Makes me feel better!) is probably a 300-lb. troll with greasy hair and bad breath who posted her high school photo on FB as the *most recent* one.

No matter what, it is really important for you to stay strong now, and think of yourself. Many women (and you may not be one of them, so please forgive me if this doesn't apply) are accustomed to suppressing their anger because we're told to "be nice" from an early age. Then, when something like this happens that should tick us off, we don't know what to do with the anger. It has to go somewhere, so we turn it inward by drinking, overeating, and other self-destructive behaviours. I've seen my friends do it so many times, and I've done it, too. Please know that it's OK to be mad, and let it out in a constructive way if you can (I like a good workout or you could, of course, slash his tires & run up his credit card -- KIDDING!)

Thinking of you and hoping things turn out ok.

LB

[TakeHeart]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Tulipe,

This may just be a blessing in disguise. I believe there is certainly something less than honest going on. My BF and I made a semi-big deal when we posted on our FB accounts "In A Realtionship" kind of a cyber commitment ring.

The blessing is that this will hopefully give you

1) The fighting power to NOT drink so no one can accuse your drinking as a "reason" for their misbehavior.

2) NOT drink so you on top of your game as far as what you said, what they said ( I know I will second guess myself even if i am not drunk, but have been drinking)

3) NOT drink to get you finances and other stuff in order.

4) NOT drink so you can feel healthy and look better.

5) NOT drink so that you can become the person he will either want to do everything he can to hold onto or kick himself for ever letting you go.

Hugs and stay strong!

[Dreamweaver]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Lilbit, your post was hilarious. 300 pounds and greasy hair! I too have a hard time dealing with anger (unless, I am good and drunk then watch out). Emotions feel so different sober. I guess because I can feel them as opposed to numbing them.

TH, 5 more good reasons to stay sober.

[~iirene~]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Tulipe;691577 wrote: Not doing well here, but will not drink to compensate.

Husband is on Facebook ALL THE TIME, morning, noon, night, middle of night. He's blocked me from his wall. Maybe he took down his wall, I don't know, but it is gone. What should I think? The only reason he doesn't want me to see his wall is if he's hiding something, right? His response would be that I'm trying to control him and that's just going to backfire.

Gotta keep it cool or else...

wait it out, don't ask any questions.
leave well alone, thats what i do.
of course he could be hiding something.
you will find out in the future.

:l

[KatieSmiles]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

He would not block you unless he has something to hide from you.

Trust me on this one, my hubby left me for someone he met online.
He spent a lot of time on his PC and led me to believe he was playing computer games with his buddies. He always had some war game thing with sounds going on but it was all a decoy, he also positioned the monitor so that I could not see the screen when I walked in to talk to him.........yeah, he was playing games allright...... verrrrry sneaky.
More2 is right, get a keylogger

[ilovejafa]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Tulipe;691598 wrote: I will not drink. Maybe that's what he wants me to do so that he can feel ok with pursuing other interests. Maybe he just wants me to go away.

Well done for not drinking.

On the lighter side of the situation, get a PI to follow him, but that can be expensive. I would take his computer hard-drive down to the computer shop (they can by-pass the protected password I think), and get them to print out all the emails and anything unusual. Just your own Private Investigation case! In my past this has always worked, and you get so much dirt on them, their cover is SO blown, they do not know what to do.
If he asks where his PC is, say you accidently spilt water over it and kindly took it in to get it fixed. Such a kind thing to do. If he absolutely freaks out, you have your answer. And then you have your proof with emails for the courts when you want to go through settlement.
I have been there, and they are red flags I am sorry to say. It is not normal to spend that sort of time on the web.

Be strong, you can do it, but be smart, there are ways to find out what he is up to.

Signing out ...
ilovejafa P.I.

[Skinned Knees]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

I would go with a key logger. There is a really good one out there that is a ghost which means that it's very difficult to detect and antivirus scans don't pick it up. You can have the logs e-mailed to you directly, and you can find out anything that he does online.

I know you're probably feel like this is invading his privacy. I felt like that, too. But in the end, I had to do what was right for ME. It allowed me to make decisions and plan. If he's not doing anything wrong, no problem. If you want, you can uninstall it.

I was told I was paranoid, too, but I really always knew and just wasn't willing to face it. In the end, I felt like such a fool for not doing something sooner.

Best wishes,

SK

[Tulipe]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Thanks for all the advice. Must check into key logger - maybe will do it to my computer first to see if I can tell? He has his computer set so that it goes to PW protected instantly - no delay of several minutes like the rest of us. How can he NOT be hiding things? He would say, "so you think that I MUST be hiding something if you can't see it?" and call me controlling. Would it be good if I started hiding things from him? Would he even notice?

ANyway I did not drink yesterday. or last night.

Irene, good advice, but waaaa aa aa ting is the haarrrrdeeesst part!

I've never been strong in my life. I must be now to save it. Or decide I need to move on because this sort of game playing he does to me is no good.

[Gold]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Tulipe,

Well done for not drinking it must be so much harder under these circumstances. You certainly are strong and will become even stronger, your husband clearly is weak since he needs to resort to accusations of control on your part and hiding things from you.

I have the mental image (in relation to your husband) of a child in a school class leaning over their exercise book and using their arm to stop the child next to them copying their work

The truth here is that you are the strong one, not your husband.

[LilBit]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

I wholeheartedly agree with Gold (as I usually do ). You are much stronger than you know, and much stronger than your husband is. And you're doing SUCH a great job of staying off the drink while this is going on. I know how it can rattle you to your core, so way to go! Whatever happens, you'll be better able to deal with it.

[greeneyes]

Husband having affair??? - facebook blues

Tulipe, I've been there, done that. Please don't consider hiding things to even the score. The energy of that will not be good for you. I wish you would talk to him and imagine the scenario in positive terms. You are already saying here what he "would" say. Imagine it differently and how you can try to make it different so he doesn't need to defend himself. "I feel (insecure, threatened, untrustworthy, shut out, etc.) being unable to share your activities on your computer. Can you share with me to help me resolve my uncomfortableness?" Of course we are all different as are our relationships. Be true to yourself, and don't play games - it won't get back the love, honor and cherish part of your marriage. I watched a discovery - health show last night on sex addicts. Your husband could have an addiction and need help. I agree something is amiss, but things aren't always as they seem. I know this is hurtful for you, keep your chin up and do right by you. :l