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    #1

    I'm back - I think!!!!

    Hi all, not been posting for a while, finding this soooooooooo difficult.

    Been treading the boards with you all for over a year now but very rarely logging in and revealing my identity!!!

    I have tried and tried and tried to overcome this. It's 9am in England right now and I am having a glass of Jack Daniels as I write this (what's that all about!) my DH is out running with my beloved labrador in a nature park close to us - being kind to his body and soul - and I'm here trying to destroy mine!

    I have done several AF days in the past few months - but fallen at day 2!! The first day is boring!!!! but you surpass it, the second day - I am such an argumentative, hormonal, depressive human being that i wouldn't want to be around me!!! I have the book, I am taking the supps and I know what I want from this - it is just so hard!!! The DH and I are on the verge of a separation - he says due to my drinking - I beg to differ - but hey - is that just my clouded judgement down to AL????????

    I drink because we argue, I drink because I'm upset, I drink because I need to??????

    I know I can go AF - first day - irritable, but I try to distract myself, - that night, very little sleep, (taking melatonin, - which is great - but only kicks in with me in the very very late hours, - i.e. - i take it at maybe 9 at night - but only get to sleep at 5 the next morning!

    I know we are all facing such a battle - and i have logged onto this site every day for as long as I can remember - I just feel such a failure and have no-one to turn to, My DH realises i have a problem - but I don't feel he understands the enormity of it!!

    Sorry to go on - u are all such a bunch of consistent support, I don't feel worthy of it - to be honest - as I've not been here for any of you in the past few years!!

    chard 123:thanks:
    :new:
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    #2
    I'm back - I think!!!!

    Hi Chardonnay,
    I remember that feeling so well. Waiting for my husband to go to the gym,shops, take the dog for a walk so I could have my 1st drink. Then waiting until a civilised time to have a drink (lunchtime)
    My heart goes out to you.
    Keep on posting. Lots of lovely kind people here.
    I wish you all the luck in the world.
    Hugs Jackie xxx
    AF since 7/7/2009
    It could be worse, I could be filing.
    AF since 7/7/2009

    Comment

      #3
      I'm back - I think!!!!

      Hi, JackieClaire

      Hi, JC, thankyou for the immediate reply, - it's uncanny - I look forward to him going to the gym, getting bottles out of the house is like a logistical nightmare - why has this happened to me??????

      Can I ask what made you want to stop drinking?

      Can i ask what your triggers are??

      Can I ask - or am i being too pretentious!!

      If so - sorry - I'm just looking for answers

      Take care and enjoy today XXX

      Chard123:thanks:
      :new:

      Comment

        #4
        I'm back - I think!!!!

        Dear Chardonnay123,
        It is hard. Harder if you are going through the days with tears for company, but I think you have found that there is no lasting comfort or hope to be found in a bottle.
        We are all worthy. Everything we need is already inside us waiting to be pulled up but finding the courage to change can seem impossible. Jack Daniels wants you to fail and he's trying to make you feel small and worthless. You're not! Boredom makes it easier for us to fall for the idea that a drink will pass the time. It just wastes time. Time we could be using to bring out the fighter in us; to develop relationships, primarily with ourselves, a relationship that we have destroyed by believing that we aren't good enough. I know I did this. Hating what I was and drinking to make myself feel better, then hating what I was again. Such a vicious circle and one that had to be broken before I lost the last tenuous links to who I really am. I'm still the same man, but I have found that there are things worth fighting for.
        Be a fighter. Find the way of life that you want. It's there, just grab it and don't let it get away.

        Comment

          #5
          I'm back - I think!!!!

          Chardonnay,
          I think my final turning point was at my local paper shop when my husband was away for the weekend and I took the dog for a walk and I asked for a bottle of vodka and the Sunday papers. IT was 6.50 AM!.
          I had to make a choice, basically between life and death.
          As to triggers. You name them. Just about anything. Good moods,bad news,Friday nights the list is endless.
          Jackie xxx
          It could be worse, I could be filing.
          AF since 7/7/2009

          Comment

            #6
            I'm back - I think!!!!

            Chard 123,
            You're not being pretentious. Don't be afraid to ask anyone anything? Someone here may just have the answer for you.
            This place has been a godsend for me.
            Take care.
            Jackie xxx
            AF since 7/7/2009
            It could be worse, I could be filing.
            AF since 7/7/2009

            Comment

              #7
              I'm back - I think!!!!

              Hello Char - You seem like you are ready to give being AF another try. You have to be ready or otherwise you are kidding yourself. The first few days are the worst but there will always be triggers. But that's just life, we all have to learn how to deal with them without turning to AL.

              Keep posting
              It's time I put my big girl pants on. :grannypants: I hope they fit.

              Comment

                #8
                I'm back - I think!!!!

                Hi Chardonnay,

                The first week is hellish. But I just looked at it as being sick (which we are in a way) and let myself sleep if i could, eat when i could, basically be a slug for the first few days. watch movies, read books..whatever gets you through.

                You have to want to quit more than you want to drink. the booze does nothing for you and everything against you.

                I know there is a sober woman inside you just itching to get out. You posted so you are reaching out for help.

                Help yourself by taking the first step and putting down the drink. Go to rehab if you feel you need to and are able.

                I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
                AF/SF - November 23, 2014

                Comment

                  #9
                  I'm back - I think!!!!

                  :welcome: back chardonnay,have you tried going to your local or not so local AA meetings,maybe they will help,keep on posting its good to sharewe are all in the same boat here,all equal.


                  :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                  Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                  I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                  This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I'm back - I think!!!!

                    chardonnay, don't be afraid to say anything. We've all been in your shoes. This forum is a wonderful resource.
                    I've been walking, a long and crooked path. Come my restoration, wash my body clean...

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I'm back - I think!!!!

                      Hi Chardonnay ....... i've been there too .........

                      6am and the sound of my hubbys van pulling out of the drive on the way to work to glug the first one .............

                      Jackie ........ you and I are alike in more ways than I thought LOL ......

                      Chardonnay have you considered seeing you doctor???? Mine gave me a prescription for Librium and supps to be taken for a week to Detox and help with the withdrawal and I am now on day 14 AF for the first time in 13 years ....... (I wrote a thread called BB's detox which is basically my diary of my feelings while detoxing) Jackie has a similar story but that is hers to share .........

                      Please keep reading and posting and all the best for your journey

                      Love & Hugs, BB xx
                      sigpicXXX

                      Comment

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