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    Wife - No Support

    Here's the deal.
    I have ben a lurker here for about a month and this is my first post. Been drinking for many years and know this shit is going to kill me soon if I don't kick it. Dr. has been telling me this for some time now blah blah blah....... My wife of five years is a drinker too and I told her that I have to quit many times. Her response is always, " I can't be with a man that doesn't drink" I have asked her for her support and asked her to at least hide the wine from me so that I am not tempted to drink it. Currently I am on topamax 50 mls in the morning and 50 at night, just started about 3 weeks ago. It really does help the cravings and I only have a few beers a night now. The other night when I asked for her support she threw a fit and cried, yelled, etc. and it was unbearable. She said you cannot change who I am, but I support you. (yeah geez, a whole lot of support there huh) the next night, same thing. I even told her I would drive down to the store and buy her some wine to shut her the hell up so I could sleep and she said no, but still continued to bitch.
    Now I know this is a bad sitch, but right now in this economy, she is the breadwinner and I cannot afford to move out, divorce etc. I am caught in a living hell, especially since she has two adult daughters that are the spawn of satin (no not the cloth) that treat me like shit and probably have contributed mightily to my drinking thus far. I need help and need to get healthy again, but have no where to turn until the friggin recession ends. Any ideas?

    Thanks!

    #2
    Wife - No Support

    Unitedguy, kudos on getting serious about your health. The sad fact is we are trapped in a world with alcohol. The fact you have it at home i'm sure is making it even harder, but you have to do this with blinders on sometimes and remember you can ONLY change you. The only thing we are in absolute control of is ourselves. As you get healthier and abstain longer periods of time, you will discover that you are far stronger than you have likely ever given yourself credit for. That strength will take you very very far. I wish you strength. And a hearty WELCOME!
    nosce te ipsum
    (Know Thyself)

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      #3
      Wife - No Support

      welcome unitedguy!

      Comment


        #4
        Wife - No Support

        Thanks!

        It is cool to have you guys to lean on. I wish my wife was more of a partner, but alas I will have to do this on my own. Thanks Again!

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          #5
          Wife - No Support

          I can so relate to your post in many ways, but my situation is an ex=husband who i have to depend upon for extra money to make it through this recession. I call him my recession roomate. ugh.

          I still though havent drank for 14 days tomorrow! I know he doesnt like me now or feel like helping me out and i have to ask for it. I hate it, but i'm dealing.

          Think about YOU! I really believe everything else will fall into place....at least that's where i'm placing my bets right now.

          Sending you good thoughts!
          AF/SF - November 23, 2014

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            #6
            Wife - No Support

            Best of luck in a very very tough situation.

            My experience is that unconditional love is about 99.99% conditional.

            When you get to the point of figuring out who is going to give up on who first ... it's a tough deal.

            You have already gotten some great insight here. You'll get more. Being in tune with your own survival is most often paramount to being a person you can confidently offer to others in relationships of all kinds.

            Truly -- good luck.

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              #7
              Wife - No Support

              Maybe she is jealous that your quitting drinking and she can't? If that is the case then you would just have to explain and ignore her protests. Its your body, you shouldn't have to continue to drink all due to the wife.
              I quit drinking on March 8, 2020. Taking it One Day At A Time and no more taking my quit for granted.

              Also doing it for me. I got to stay sober for me.

              Just consecrate on today and do what you can to remain sober for today and worry about staying sober tomorrow, tomorrow.

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                #8
                Wife - No Support

                welcome unitedguy I give you a lot of credit

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                  #9
                  Wife - No Support

                  Welcome Unitedguy - good on you for deciding it's time to give up alcohol.
                  All you can control is yourself - it will be very challenging not drinking and having alcohol in your house, but when you don't drink any imagine how empowered you will feel.

                  Stick with the site - get on here and chat to us all when you feel any urge to drink. I wish you well on your journey.
                  It's time I put my big girl pants on. :grannypants: I hope they fit.

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                    #10
                    Wife - No Support

                    Hi there,
                    You have to get yourself healthy first. Be strong in what you want. You just have to decide you don't want to drink regardless of what she does. You can be around a drinker and not drink, I know because my husband drinks every day, but only a lot on weekends.
                    Maybe she has an addiction to AL, and that's why she's afraid to go without for a few days?
                    How is your relationship otherwise? Are there other issues?
                    Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.
                    AF since May 6, 2010

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                      #11
                      Wife - No Support

                      Other issues

                      Yes, there are other issues. The step kids resent the hell out of me since I am the step dad. They have been brought up with absolutely no discipline whatsoever and thier mom defends them when hey tell me to go fuck myself. This is a friggin train wreck of a relationship and I am finally sober "enough" to know it. When I finally am AF, I will take the next step to get the hell out of here. It is not only unhealthy from the point of needing to always desensitize my body, it is emotionally unhealthy.

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                        #12
                        Wife - No Support

                        Hi there,

                        My heart goes out to you as you seem to be at an important but difficult turning point in your life. I have been there too and as painful and terrifying it was to turn that corner i have never looked back! It sounds like you just turned that corner and I supect even making those first few steps will give you the inner strength to go on!

                        Celtic
                        When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Wife - No Support

                          Unitedguy, Welcome, you will find lots of support here.

                          "I can't be with a guy that doesn't drink"?? I'm still trying to analyze that, but why not go out for a walk or jog when/if she gets in that kind of mood?

                          Everything I need is within me!

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Wife - No Support

                            Welcome Unitedguy, what a stressful environment to live in. I give you credit for getting yourself better. I agree when she wants to be that way just go for a drive or walk and take deep breaths.

                            Good luck
                            "Keep your eyes and heart focused on the end goal at all times, and never settle for less."

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