From my not very brave heart !

[Brave Hearted]

All my life I have ever wanted is to be loved and acceped, not much to ask , simple really thats what its all about.

But for me its never been simple I have had this monkey on my back who just when things were going good time and time again lent over my shoulder and sceamed shouted abuse and was generally ugly to who ever was at hand . And do you know that guy was good at what he did he saw off many a lover and friend. He took great joy in bursting that bubble that love puts two people in, how many times have i seen that look in their eye when they said sorry you are a lovely girl but . . . . . . . I just cant do this and no matter how much I said I was sorry begged pleaded they just carried on and walked out the door. And each time that happened and boy did that monkey makes sure it was lots of times, they took a little piece of me away with them, to know you had lost the love of somebody because of your own actions, its like a knife in your heart !
I know I should have know better i should have taken that monkey by his scrawny neck and rung it but. . . . . only you guy know that its not that easy..... if only it was.

So here I am alone . . . .

But do you know what guys I am not down I am doing everything this time to beat that monkey, I think I have him a baclofen head lock at the minute and the little guy is halloring . . . . but he can kick and scream all he likes he is not getting on my back again.

I am a good person who just happens to have a bad disease ( stole that line from OA) and with the meds, some behaviour modification ( for me a big part of drinking is habit) lots of faith and all you wonderful people I will go on and find happiness in a true and honest way without keep looking over my shoulder for that monkey !!! I am not one to advocate cruelty to animal but that peskie little critter should be strung up for the pain and cruelty he has inflicted on this human !

Love and best wishes to you all and hope you did not mind me opening my very hurt heart to you all as the damage al has caused me is locked deep within me !

[startingover]

From my not very brave heart !

Bravehearted. You ARE bravehearted :-)
Sometimes talking about pain helps to let it go. I hope it did for you.
Alcohol is so destructive on just about every level isnt it?
I am delighted that the bac is kicking in, keep that good attitude going and kick that beast to the kerb!

[AMELIA]

From my not very brave heart !

Hi Bravehearted,
Yes I too had the monkey on my back for a very long time. I allowed it to do all sorts of damage to my life and my relationships.
It sounds like you are progressing forward without him now though. It will get better. Keep on posting and getting to know everyone here.
You have the right attitude....you can beat this thing - good for you.
Best wishes from me xx

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

From my not very brave heart !

Hi Bravehearted, it takes bravery to tackle this thing head on and that is exactly what you are doing. You can beat this, I can see it in your words. Wanting this madness to end so badly we can taste it, is the first important step to recovery imo.
You are never alone here, just reach out and somebody will take your hand.
Keep safe
KTAB

[mario]

From my not very brave heart !

just wanted to say braveheart,that you are taking the first big step in getting this monkey of your back and we are all here to help. :goodjob:

[AMELIA]

From my not very brave heart !

Bravehearted, did you know that you have two threads started that are exactly the same? Easily done too! Just wanted you to know that you have responses on both threads!! Hope you are feeling Ok today.
x