All my life I have ever wanted is to be loved and acceped, not much to ask , simple really thats what its all about.
But for me its never been simple I have had this monkey on my back who just when things were going good time and time again lent over my shoulder and sceamed shouted abuse and was generally ugly to who ever was at hand . And do you know that guy was good at what he did he saw off many a lover and friend. He took great joy in bursting that bubble that love puts two people in, how many times have i seen that look in their eye when they said sorry you are a lovely girl but . . . . . . . I just cant do this and no matter how much I said I was sorry begged pleaded they just carried on and walked out the door. And each time that happened and boy did that monkey makes sure it was lots of times, they took a little piece of me away with them, to know you had lost the love of somebody because of your own actions, its like a knife in your heart !
I know I should have know better i should have taken that monkey by his scrawny neck and rung it but. . . . . only you guy know that its not that easy..... if only it was.
So here I am alone . . . .
But do you know what guys I am not down I am doing everything this time to beat that monkey, I think I have him a baclofen head lock at the minute and the little guy is halloring . . . . but he can kick and scream all he likes he is not getting on my back again.
I am a good person who just happens to have a bad disease ( stole that line from OA) and with the meds, some behaviour modification ( for me a big part of drinking is habit) lots of faith and all you wonderful people I will go on and find happiness in a true and honest way without keep looking over my shoulder for that monkey !!! I am not one to advocate cruelty to animal but that peskie little critter should be strung up for the pain and cruelty he has inflicted on this human !
Love and best wishes to you all and hope you did not mind me opening my very hurt heart to you all as the damage al has caused me is locked deep within me !
But for me its never been simple I have had this monkey on my back who just when things were going good time and time again lent over my shoulder and sceamed shouted abuse and was generally ugly to who ever was at hand . And do you know that guy was good at what he did he saw off many a lover and friend. He took great joy in bursting that bubble that love puts two people in, how many times have i seen that look in their eye when they said sorry you are a lovely girl but . . . . . . . I just cant do this and no matter how much I said I was sorry begged pleaded they just carried on and walked out the door. And each time that happened and boy did that monkey makes sure it was lots of times, they took a little piece of me away with them, to know you had lost the love of somebody because of your own actions, its like a knife in your heart !
I know I should have know better i should have taken that monkey by his scrawny neck and rung it but. . . . . only you guy know that its not that easy..... if only it was.
So here I am alone . . . .
But do you know what guys I am not down I am doing everything this time to beat that monkey, I think I have him a baclofen head lock at the minute and the little guy is halloring . . . . but he can kick and scream all he likes he is not getting on my back again.
I am a good person who just happens to have a bad disease ( stole that line from OA) and with the meds, some behaviour modification ( for me a big part of drinking is habit) lots of faith and all you wonderful people I will go on and find happiness in a true and honest way without keep looking over my shoulder for that monkey !!! I am not one to advocate cruelty to animal but that peskie little critter should be strung up for the pain and cruelty he has inflicted on this human !
Love and best wishes to you all and hope you did not mind me opening my very hurt heart to you all as the damage al has caused me is locked deep within me !
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