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**tiptronic_ct** · August 21, 2009, 09:28 AM

feel like a stranger in my own home

Done,

I don't think you should make too much of the groceries...

I'm the one who does all the cooking and shopping in our house (a deal I made with my wife because she sucks at cooking - LOL - and I hate going to malls, so I'm excused from any other kind of shopping unless I volunteer on if I feel like it).

Whenever I go away for a few days and come back, the fridge is full of stuff I wouldn't normally buy, and usually in unbelievable quantities...

Make a bit of sense?

**Determination** · August 21, 2009, 10:18 AM

feel like a stranger in my own home

Done -

I agree with Tip. I also am the one to do the grocery shopping / cooking at my house, and when I go away for a weekend, it is COMMON for me to come home and find the house loaded with stuff that I wouldn't buy. My DH just can't help himself - like a kid in a candy shop - buying stuff he likes that he doesn't ordinarily get!

When I am feeling insecure, I tend to jump to erroneous conclusions and end up sabotaging what I am trying to accomplish. I don't think it makes sense to read anything into a situation that is so dynamic. I think your priority should be to take care of yourself and work on staying AF - when feeling down, at least for me, that is when the temptation can be greatest!

Please try very hard to stay away from a setting where you could succumb to AL. It sounds like from your posts that saving your marriage is very important to you. So, really, what is one night of not putting temptation in front of you versus staying on track to save your marriage?

It is a hard journey and it is going to take every ounce of courage and strength that you have, and the support that we all have to offer you. We all want you to succeed!

**adi** · August 21, 2009, 10:23 AM

feel like a stranger in my own home

Hi donewithit,
he obviously want you still, by his text messages.
The fridge stuff - he just bought what he felt like, he may be feeling low too, and wanting a lot of comfort food. I'm sure he is missing you, but want you back sober.
Don't go out if you are feeling down and like that, you probably will drink in that evironment.

Give yourself some thinking time on your own, and don't drink, that's what your subconscious wants you to do, but that will really blow it for you.

Be strong.
Good luck babe.

**LookingToGrow** · August 21, 2009, 10:29 AM

feel like a stranger in my own home

Det, your husband sounds like mine - a kid in a candy shop...LOL!!

Lynn, my husbo did the same when I was in detox last year and he shops the same for business road trips. Just this week he bought a case of Top Ramon, a case of water, and a huge bag of candy for a trip that was only like 24 hours...LOL!! I just think it's a guy thing :h

**AMELIA** · August 21, 2009, 10:29 AM

feel like a stranger in my own home

Hi Donewithit,
I agree with the others. I do most of the cooking in my house and when I am away my man also buys loads of food that I wouldn't normally. All the stuff that I don't buy like cakes and pies etc. Yep like a kid in a candy shop.

Work on you and then the rest will fall into place as it should be.
Your hubby still sounds like he has hope for your marriage.
Don't sabotage it by picking up that first drink.....
Best wishes
Amelia

**Wally22** · August 21, 2009, 11:06 AM

feel like a stranger in my own home

donewithit
Just joining the chorus here. Don't go looking for trouble. He's just comforting himself with food. Don't forget he's in a bad place right now too. You're both hurting.
I think you are both wanting to make this marriage work, and the drinking is getting in the way, so let's not succumb to temptation when everything seems to be pointing in the right direction.
So put on your big girl shoes, walk away from that bottle and invite him out for a movie.

**donewithit** · August 21, 2009, 11:42 AM

feel like a stranger in my own home

thanks everyone, your support means so much to me.

I am getting ready for work right now and have a shorter shift today than yesterday...2-8:30, and I will drive my employee/friend to the bar where her husband is playing (cab is out of the question for her, she is not well off and it is in a neighbouring town) BUT I WILL NOT go into the bar. I will instead turn my car around and drive the 45 min home and get on chat here at MWO. It has helped me tremendously the last few nights....I will turn to these friends again tonight...hope they don't get sick of me!!

thanks again

Lynn

**Lavande** · August 21, 2009, 12:20 PM

feel like a stranger in my own home

Sounds like a good, solid plan Lynn.
Have a peaceful evenng on chat

**sosad61** · August 21, 2009, 12:45 PM

feel like a stranger in my own home

donewithit;698309 wrote: as some of you know I have been away from home for a few days, trying to give my husband the space he needs to decide if he wants to save our marriage or not.

I have had some hope over the last two nights, mostly due to his text messages, that he tends to send just before bedtime. Nothing deep or anything..just mostly how was your day stuff...but the last two nights he has signed off with "good night babe". Now maybe I was clutching at straws as it gave me hope, he has not called me babe or honey since the $hit hit the fan almost three weeks ago..but within 24 hours of not talking to me or seeing me he has started .. I have not talked directly to him at all..just texting, mostly he texts mid day and asks how my day was,, and then they start again around 9:30.

So this morning I woke up after another restless night at my friends house, and decided to "visit" my home and dogs as I knew my husband would be at work.

Now I feel worse. He has bought groceries (stuff I would NEVER buy like Kraft Dinner and a HUGE thing of ground beef) and I feel like I am a stranger here. It is weird as I always have been the one to do the grocery shopping...he has stocked this house with enough crap food to last WEEKS...I thought I was only going to be gone a few more days??:upset:

I know we have a possible separation date of Sept 1st looming, but even he had said we may be able to decide to save marriage before then...I had HOPE with those texts..now I feel let down and sad.

I have been invited out tonight to see a friend's husband's band play. I would love to go, but am afraid that feeling this low I will succumb to a glass of wine.... then six more...sigh.

Well thank god I work this afternoon.
Thanks for listening,

Lynn

IMHO you are making WAAAAAY too much of this. It's just groceries. If you have this attitude (and pardon me being blunt), then it's no wonder you are having marital problems. Have you always been this critical of such things? So much so that you think the marriage is over because the guy bought some comfort food while you were away? I'm not trying to badger you, I'm just trying to tell it straight up so that you don't make the mistake of going off on him for something so simple as groceries. If you do that, you won't be helping matters, you'll make them worse.

**donewithit** · August 21, 2009, 02:30 PM

feel like a stranger in my own home

no sosad I have not always been this critical..in fact I am not being critical now..I am depressed that it looks like he is doing ok without me. marital problems? haven't really had any till now.

so.
think what you may. I am not coming down on him for it...in fact he will never know it bothered me..I thought maybe people here would understand my fear and feeling of rejection and help me work thru it before I did something stupid..like getting upset with him, the innocent party.

**donewithit** · August 21, 2009, 02:36 PM

feel like a stranger in my own home

ps. I called in sick. what are they going to do? fire me lol.

too many tears today for me

**LookingToGrow** · August 21, 2009, 02:41 PM

feel like a stranger in my own home

donewithit;698585 wrote: ps. I called in sick. what are they going to do? fire me lol.

too many tears today for me

Are you serious? Have you called in sick often? If not, that's pretty low of them. In light of that, I truly hope you can stick with plan tonight :h

**Determination** · August 21, 2009, 02:52 PM

feel like a stranger in my own home

Another person who is really pulling for you! I know you worried, sad, depressed, anxious, but please, please, please, try to stay strong! I know when I have been in that spot, I thought AL would be the answer - just one drink to take the edge off, but we all know that one is never enough!

So....I'm sending you virtual hugs! You have done so well already - keep your eye on the big picture!

**Elpis** · August 21, 2009, 03:06 PM

feel like a stranger in my own home

I have to say up front that I have never been in the exact situation that you are in but I have been in a similar situation. I?m a guy. If I see something I like, I get it. If I save 0.02 cents a pound when I buy 40 pounds of hamburger, I buy 40 pounds (hamburger is soooo versatile). If I am testing my honey and using pet names ? that is a good sign. Having that wine tonight WILL NOT help things. Don?t do it!

E-

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