feel like a stranger in my own home

[donewithit]

feel like a stranger in my own home

Looking to grow..I am sorry..I should have realized not everyone knew..it is my restaurant..I am the BOSS when I said fire me I had tongue in cheek..as I am the boss ...lol
still having a bad night ..but didn't want you to think I could actually get fired

Lynn

[LookingToGrow]

feel like a stranger in my own home

donewithit;698634 wrote: Looking to grow..I am sorry..I should have realized not everyone knew..it is my restaurant..I am the BOSS when I said fire me I had tongue in cheek..as I am the boss ...lol
still having a bad night ..but didn't want you to think I could actually get fired

Lynn

LOL!! Good to know. What type of restaurant and what time zone are you in for chat? I am in central, US.

[golfpro]

feel like a stranger in my own home

I can't add much that everyone else already hasn't said. My separated wife did most of the grocery shopping. When I went by myself I came home with steaks, potatoes, and junk food. She would always yell at me. I finally made hear give me a list, which usually contained wheat bread (uhg), chicken, and salad, etc.., but I always got a few bad things for myself. Don't read anything into that. Guys are not good at the grocery store.

[Cinders]

feel like a stranger in my own home

Donewithit,

I, too, am agreeing with everyone else. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

You are trying to read something into everything that happens because you are so anxious about the outcome of his decision.

Unfortunately, that is a very common trait of us alcoholics. We live too much in the future and the past and not enough in the moment.

I know you are desperate to know your marriage is going to be okay. I don't blame you. I, too, am married and have ruined a lot of trust in my marriage from my drinking. Another trait of our alcoholism, we do lie and obfuscate to keep feeding our addiction. It leads us to guilt and relapse.

While my marriage is not currently at risk because I am now sober, if I ever pick up a drink and lie about it again, I am sure it will be. My husband loves me very much, of that there is no doubt, but there is only so much pain and fear he can take. I do not blame him.

On the other hand, marriage is always at risk. There have been times in my 34 years of marriage that we have come very close to divorce. (Usually his fault, of course. )

All you and I can do is do the next right thing every day. One day at a time.

You are doing that right now. Keep it up. And never forget that you must stop drinking for yourself first. Not to save your marriage. I can guarantee with a great amount of certainty that you will eventually fail if you are only doing it for him. Not only that, you will end up resenting him, which would be completely unfair.

Ask yourself this. If the marriage fails, will you consider it free rein to start drinking again?

I hope not.

Cindi

[Sunbeam]

feel like a stranger in my own home

Lynn,
I am so glad you are hanging in here, posting, and remaining AF. I have seen so many start, then drop out of sight because it is so hard. There are also many successful people who hang around here helping themselves and others. You have a great supportive community here and good for you that you are taking advantage of it to deal with moments like this. Take care, you are doing great. This isn't a great night for you, but you tomorrow will be better.

[AMELIA]

feel like a stranger in my own home

Hey Lynn,
I have just popped back to this thread to see how you are doing.
Sounds like you are keeping strong and sticking to the AF plan. :goodjob:

Keep us posted on your progress.

[~iirene~]

feel like a stranger in my own home

Cind, you are so right on when you post!
you always say it well and truthfully!
I love YOU for that!!!

Lynn, you must seperate emotionally from everything first.
Forget the husband, think about your own well-being.

** I got out of work, travelled 20 mins. home, showered to rescue a
drunk husband, he was NOT ready to come home, SO ...

I said my goodbyes and left him at his favorite bar.

does this matter? who the hell knows. ?

[sosad61]

feel like a stranger in my own home

donewithit;698575 wrote: no sosad I have not always been this critical..in fact I am not being critical now..I am depressed that it looks like he is doing ok without me. marital problems? haven't really had any till now.

so.
think what you may. I am not coming down on him for it...in fact he will never know it bothered me..I thought maybe people here would understand my fear and feeling of rejection and help me work thru it before I did something stupid..like getting upset with him, the innocent party.

Hey donewithit, he's obviously not doing so well or he wouldn't have bought the comfort food. I was just trying to be blunt with you in hopes that it would keep you from going off on him for buying the food and thus making matters worse.

Hon, I want you to be happy and want your marriage to continue on. It will be okay imo. You two obviously are willing to work things out, and that's HUGE.

God Bless sweetie. You hang in there.

[sosad61]

feel like a stranger in my own home

donewithit;698634 wrote: Looking to grow..I am sorry..I should have realized not everyone knew..it is my restaurant..I am the BOSS when I said fire me I had tongue in cheek..as I am the boss ...lol
still having a bad night ..but didn't want you to think I could actually get fired

Lynn

Lynn,

Obviously anybody that has the fire, energy, and creativity to start not only a regular business, but a freaking restaurant (like you) has a LOT going for them. From what I understand, a restaurant is one of the hardest businesses to not only start, but to make succeed. Kudos to you Lynn! You must be an extremely resourceful person. Use that fire and energy to continue along your journey. I admire you for being a successful business person and would absolutely LOVE to have dinner in your restaurant someday.

[Determination]

feel like a stranger in my own home

Donewithit -

You have been in my thoughts all weekend. How are you doing? Please check in with us!

[donewithit]

feel like a stranger in my own home

thanks det.. I am okay. I have managed to steer clear of the bottle anyway. Had a huge blowout with the hubby on the phone on Friday night and did not go to work. Worked all day Sat...off today..

We are having a huge issue with communication..most of it is by text. HOWEVER on a positive note our friend Adam has supplied my husband with a woman councellors number from his church that he thinks would be very good for us. We have decided that I will not come home for a while..maybe months, but it makes it easier for us both to heal a little when we do not have to walk on eggshells. Ground rules have been set. No booze. Keeping in touch if only a quick goodnight. No dating on either part other than maybe each other. No division of property or pets ect....just a few months of alone time , coupled with a little dating each other and getting to know each other again, and marriage councelling.

Not happy about it...but what can I do.
considering taking off for a week of solitude in September...

Lynn

[Sunbeam]

feel like a stranger in my own home

Lynn,
This sounds like a good plan that will be worthwhile in the long run. Stuff accumulates with alcohol abuse. It takes time to re-establish trust. One step at a time.