Last night my 4 1/2 year old daughter stayed overnight with me for the first time in nearly a year!
A few will remember the struggles I was having with my access where unfortunately I had to go down the road of taking things through the courts. Whilst in treatment though I soon became more aware of just how insane my drinking was and in particular the damage I had caused in the wake of my substance abuse surrounding my ex partner and my daughter. I began to realise that my good intentions of going through the courts was more based on my own ego and what I 'should' be doing in the eyes of everybody else. I felt I was still fighting myself to be honest with this action and trying to relieve my own sense of guilt for the things I had done. I'm not proud of the things I have done but I have learned to accept things for what they are today and more importantly my role in that. In accepting this I became more willing to open up to my ex about my actions. As time passed I found that I was becoming more willing to let go of this 'fight' for my right to see my daughter under a pretense that I was doing the right thing. I realised that whatever decision was to me made about my overnight access was really out of my hands. I didn't feel I had to prove anything to the courts or my ex or even my daughter anymore. I just knew in my heart that whatever happened would be the right decision at that time and I would accept that. It just so happens that the courts have granted my overnight access back starting in October. This was already pre-approved though by myself and my ex and the solicitors anyway.
I think my ex has been impressed by the changes I have made in my life today that she actually asked me did I want to have my daughter stay with me overnight last night (almost as a trial run). The difference it makes seeing my daughter when I am not clock watching or wondering whether we'll have enough time to do this or that etc is beyond words. I didn't feel under any pressure whatsoever with her and I had the most amazing day/night with her. I felt so sad today when she went home because of the wonderful time I had with her. It brought me to tears earlier today but this evening I am feeling so loved and grateful for having this time back with her. Just hearing those words "I love you daddy" whilst cuddling me last night was priceless after the day we'd had. All's I had to do was stop fighting everything and everyone trying to get my own way.
Peace and Love
Phil
xx
A few will remember the struggles I was having with my access where unfortunately I had to go down the road of taking things through the courts. Whilst in treatment though I soon became more aware of just how insane my drinking was and in particular the damage I had caused in the wake of my substance abuse surrounding my ex partner and my daughter. I began to realise that my good intentions of going through the courts was more based on my own ego and what I 'should' be doing in the eyes of everybody else. I felt I was still fighting myself to be honest with this action and trying to relieve my own sense of guilt for the things I had done. I'm not proud of the things I have done but I have learned to accept things for what they are today and more importantly my role in that. In accepting this I became more willing to open up to my ex about my actions. As time passed I found that I was becoming more willing to let go of this 'fight' for my right to see my daughter under a pretense that I was doing the right thing. I realised that whatever decision was to me made about my overnight access was really out of my hands. I didn't feel I had to prove anything to the courts or my ex or even my daughter anymore. I just knew in my heart that whatever happened would be the right decision at that time and I would accept that. It just so happens that the courts have granted my overnight access back starting in October. This was already pre-approved though by myself and my ex and the solicitors anyway.
I think my ex has been impressed by the changes I have made in my life today that she actually asked me did I want to have my daughter stay with me overnight last night (almost as a trial run). The difference it makes seeing my daughter when I am not clock watching or wondering whether we'll have enough time to do this or that etc is beyond words. I didn't feel under any pressure whatsoever with her and I had the most amazing day/night with her. I felt so sad today when she went home because of the wonderful time I had with her. It brought me to tears earlier today but this evening I am feeling so loved and grateful for having this time back with her. Just hearing those words "I love you daddy" whilst cuddling me last night was priceless after the day we'd had. All's I had to do was stop fighting everything and everyone trying to get my own way.
Peace and Love
Phil
xx
hippie i am delighted for you,i have had a similar experience with my own children.The love and protection i feel for them is unmeasurable,So lets enjoy what we all missed on now.well done again
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