Teens and divorce

[beautifulred]

Just a quick thread......anyone with ideas to help a female 16 year old to deal with the divorce of her parents who have been together for 20 years? We are going to high school games together, eating supper together at least 2 times per week and are not fighting or even disagreeing infront of them....we talk together about this behavior...ie selfishness..and she just seems to be lost...any input would be appreciatied.....:thanks: br

[sunshine_gg]

Teens and divorce

Hi Red...

First of all... :l
Divorce is never easy. But you'll get through it.

Mine were only 6 and 7 when I went through divorce... and it was very ugly on all sorts of levels.. but here are some thoughts:

1. You could take a somewhat spiritual approach... explaining that people come into your (the adults) lives for a reason and with a purpose. And when that purpose is fulfilled, they need to move on.

2. Be honest. Speak of your own (and your partner's) feelings. Explain that you are just not happy with the relationship and that although you love the person (assuming you do), you would like to make a change in your life.

Most of all, I think, both you and your partner must reiterate that you both love her and that nothing will change that. That the change you are making for your own sakes has nothing to do with her and that both of you will always be there for her.

Beyond that... lots of time together, laughs, hugs.

Good luck and be strong.

[beautifulred]

Teens and divorce

Thanks Sunnygg....I think #2 is the best choise in our situation....this is just what I spent 3 years trying to avoid, but by trying to hold things off, I probably made things worse...maybe a clean cut would have been better.....oh well....the past is the past and we deal with what faces us now, dont we?

[Gold]

Teens and divorce

Hi red

Are you saying that your sixteen year old daughter's behaviour is selfish?

I have found that 16 year old girls are tricky under the best of circumstances and particularly prone to embarassment. Perhaps she feels embarassed amongst her peer group at the divorce and finds it hard to talk about it with them?

Maybe it's just my 16 year olds, especially my younger one when she was 16 (she's 17 now), but it often made things worse to try to get a response from them on any matter that they did not want to talk about and it was better to let them come to me when they were ready.

I hope you find yourself with a happier 16 year old soon. :l

[beautifulred]

Teens and divorce

Gold...thanks for your imput....I agree, this is not a good age to have to go thru this (16) and see what you are saying about peer pressure and all......thank you for letting me know that this is a tough age....makes me feel a bit less guilty.....got an abundance of that lately.

[Gold]

Teens and divorce

Red, I'm an intimate of guilt too!

I was thinking about my youngest daughter (17 now) and realise she gets cross with me because she thinks she is so grown up, whereas I still see her as a baby and seem to find it harder to let go with her than my other one. Then on the other hand, she gets scared if she thinks there is anything wrong with me.

I would describe her as a mixture of child and young woman and that seems to create conflict. So it isn't easy. I hope things ease up for you soon.