(Sorry for the long post in advance)
Ok, so for those of you that know my story or for those of you thinking about treatment, for what it's worth here's my experience.
I was fired from my brand new job (not alcohol related, my boss was coming on to me and when I told him where to go, you know what shriveled up in his pants and "your fired" came out of his mouth). Anyway, although I am unemployed (again) perhaps this is the break I needed to get better.
The day I got fired I found a detox place (5 days) which most in there would go up to rehab afterwards, but with my insurance running out at the end of the month, that was the best I could do (or wanted to do at the time). Detox was not as hard as it was when I did it bymyself because the put me on valium (which I hated) to prevent seizures (which I did see a couple people have while I was in there). The hardest part was that they did not have many groups or programs in which to participate and TV was very limited. I do not smoke so most of my 5 days there was staring at a wall and trying to avoid the 18-28 yo kids talking about their shooting up stories. At night it was like a frat house because of lack of beds the rehab people (thugs mostly) would sleep down with the detox unit. I am vegitarian so all I ate all week was Iceburg lettuce and cheese...so much for an appropriate diet while detoxing, despite my efforts to expalin that to the nurses...who cares?!
I really didn't crave my beer (for some reason they don't serve beer there) because I was more bored and depressed about being away from my husband...no phone calls either. Finally, he came to get me at discharge and I was so happy. He dropped me off at home and had to run back to work. He is not a drinker but his buddy is...and there were 5 beers in the fridge and I was alone. I was able to pass the night without cracking one and he removed the beer from the house when he came home. So there it was, I did 5 days. The following day I went to my first AA meeting but lost it at the end of the day. I understand "normal" people do not cry over a beverage, but I was in tears I needed beer. In detox I got the Vivitrol shot (supposed to make you not sick if you drink but not be able to feel the effects even if I drank). I wanted to "test" the shot...dumba$$. I bought a 6 pack thinking I would only have three. 6 beers later, feeling guilty but enjoying the feeling (apparently the $800.00 shot in my a$$ didn't work) I had done it. I ruined my 5 days, that fast. I wonder if I needed to stay in rehab if I can get my insurance to stay on (which I may be able to do now that I am unemployed again...just impossible to get a hold of them, although I am trying). I don't want to go away again but I am not sure I can do this, and I certainly would not go back to that animal house. There is only one more place I could go and it's in AL (I am in TN). For the time being, with the whole day to myself and the beer store down the street, all I can do is go to meetings. Yesterday I hit 2 and plan to do the same again today.
This is taking every ounce of energy out of me. I do nothing all day and still come home exhausted like I worked overtime.
So there it is...sorry for the long post. And thank you guys for all the PM's and support on here, it really helps. In my AA meetings I feel like saying "Hi, I'm Cole, I am an alcoholic" and then they all say hi, and I want to tell them I don't have anything to share at the moment, I just like when you guys say Hi! LOL, gotta find some humor in the hell
Ok, so for those of you that know my story or for those of you thinking about treatment, for what it's worth here's my experience.
I was fired from my brand new job (not alcohol related, my boss was coming on to me and when I told him where to go, you know what shriveled up in his pants and "your fired" came out of his mouth). Anyway, although I am unemployed (again) perhaps this is the break I needed to get better.
The day I got fired I found a detox place (5 days) which most in there would go up to rehab afterwards, but with my insurance running out at the end of the month, that was the best I could do (or wanted to do at the time). Detox was not as hard as it was when I did it bymyself because the put me on valium (which I hated) to prevent seizures (which I did see a couple people have while I was in there). The hardest part was that they did not have many groups or programs in which to participate and TV was very limited. I do not smoke so most of my 5 days there was staring at a wall and trying to avoid the 18-28 yo kids talking about their shooting up stories. At night it was like a frat house because of lack of beds the rehab people (thugs mostly) would sleep down with the detox unit. I am vegitarian so all I ate all week was Iceburg lettuce and cheese...so much for an appropriate diet while detoxing, despite my efforts to expalin that to the nurses...who cares?!
I really didn't crave my beer (for some reason they don't serve beer there) because I was more bored and depressed about being away from my husband...no phone calls either. Finally, he came to get me at discharge and I was so happy. He dropped me off at home and had to run back to work. He is not a drinker but his buddy is...and there were 5 beers in the fridge and I was alone. I was able to pass the night without cracking one and he removed the beer from the house when he came home. So there it was, I did 5 days. The following day I went to my first AA meeting but lost it at the end of the day. I understand "normal" people do not cry over a beverage, but I was in tears I needed beer. In detox I got the Vivitrol shot (supposed to make you not sick if you drink but not be able to feel the effects even if I drank). I wanted to "test" the shot...dumba$$. I bought a 6 pack thinking I would only have three. 6 beers later, feeling guilty but enjoying the feeling (apparently the $800.00 shot in my a$$ didn't work) I had done it. I ruined my 5 days, that fast. I wonder if I needed to stay in rehab if I can get my insurance to stay on (which I may be able to do now that I am unemployed again...just impossible to get a hold of them, although I am trying). I don't want to go away again but I am not sure I can do this, and I certainly would not go back to that animal house. There is only one more place I could go and it's in AL (I am in TN). For the time being, with the whole day to myself and the beer store down the street, all I can do is go to meetings. Yesterday I hit 2 and plan to do the same again today.
This is taking every ounce of energy out of me. I do nothing all day and still come home exhausted like I worked overtime.
So there it is...sorry for the long post. And thank you guys for all the PM's and support on here, it really helps. In my AA meetings I feel like saying "Hi, I'm Cole, I am an alcoholic" and then they all say hi, and I want to tell them I don't have anything to share at the moment, I just like when you guys say Hi! LOL, gotta find some humor in the hell
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