Hi Jolenje. Just wanted to welcome you here and say how sorry I am to read of the loss of your brother. I can't even imagine how horrible that must be to pick up the pieces from and go on.
No matter what sort of temporary "happy" feeling AL gives us, in my experience the despression and anxiety is far more devastating than any fleeting "happy" feeling is good. I reached a point in my 30+ year drinking career where like you, I thought I was depressed and AL was making me feel a bit better - but in reality it was just the opposite. I know that for sure now as the depression lifted once I got sober and got past the initial physical adjustments. I do realize that for some people, their issues with anxiety and/or depression are worse than what I experienced, and might require medication. I'm just saying that I THOUGHT AL was helping when for me, it was THE PROBLEM.
To me, it has been worth doing whatever it takes to get sober. AL was sucking the life right out of my life. Literally. Never give up fighting for your freedom from AL. Be willing to do whatever it takes. It's worth it.
Strength and hope,
DG
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