Should I tell?

[Cinders]

Should I tell?

AK,

You are the best judge of what your son can deal with. If he senses you are in danger, I am sure it scares him. He has Aspergers and I bet he knows how much he needs you and relies on you. It has to be unsettling for him if he thinks you might not be reliable.

Does that make sense?

If I were you, I would insure he knows that you will be there for him no matter what.

You are a good mommy to be thinking about this so deeply.

Love,
Cindi

[akgirl]

Should I tell?

Thanks again everyone :l

I have done alot of thinking today and had a life changing experience with my counselor today. I have decided not to burden my son with an actual talk, I am going to just show him my changes. I don't think words will matter as much as actions.

I have had alot of anxiety lately and I know where it comes from. My job, concerns for my son, my alchohol abuse, and learning that I have to learn to let my son go (in a matter of speaking because he is growing up) After talking with my counselor he told me there is something else I need to let go of......and that is my stress and worry (which I know efects my son and my drinking) He said I need to do the best I can and leave the rest up to a higher power. I am not extremely religious but this had such meaning for me. I can now learn to let it all go. I feel lighter if that makes sense. I am going to leave the rest up to God....or whatever has brought us here.

I did have a couple glasses of wine tonight but I am going to bed sober and happier than I have been in a long time. I know my son can feel that. I will hug him tonight and know that I have been a better Mom today. By the way....we went to a park today and I pushed him on the swing, I know it sounds weird but it was such a wonderful moment.

I just want to be a good mom.

To all you other Moms, LETS DO THIS! For our kids

:l
Ak

[Gold]

Should I tell?

akgirl;707610 wrote:
I have done alot of thinking today and had a life changing experience with my counselor today. I have decided not to burden my son with an actual talk, I am going to just show him my changes. I don't think words will matter as much as actions.
Ak

That sounds a very good decision. Kids don't like too much information in my experience, as it does burden them, all they want is to see us living our life and enjoying it, and for us to be available to them when they need us.

I understand feeling lighter when burdens have been lifted and decisions made. You definitely are a good mom, the very best :l

[gyco]

Should I tell?

hi A K ,struggles,life ? , if its not enuff we have Al consuming us,your councillors words are wise,but on the other hand you seem to appreciate that its hard to totally stop,drinking,every day i dont drink now, i mark on a calender,the calender is rt over my left arm,in my computor room,where i spend most of my time,so it can remind me of my progress,i find writing or logging everything down,so i can remember wht i did the day b4,helps,as far as your son,ive been thro the same wth my kids,trust me,famous last words,he knows,im reading a vbook rt now,ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCHOHOLICS,its a great read,one of the greatest things youve accomplished is your not in denial any more,when my kids were young i was ,by the way they turned out ok,congrats gyco

[redhibiscus]

Should I tell?

Hey AK, I like your decision to show your son with actions, not words. Having Asperger's complicates things as it is a communication disorder. Many kids with Asperger's have depression. Our kids usually know most of our secrets though, so again, showing him by your actions is great.

I have alot of trouble with worrying too, and just last night realized that I have to trust God to take care of so much I have no control over. IT was comforting to read your post. Thanks.

[akgirl]

Should I tell?

Thank you all for your posts, I appreciate hearing different opinions. I woke up this morning renewed and hopeful and.......relieved, knowing I'm leaving alot in Gods hand and just doing the best I can everyday.

I want to be a better example for my son


:l
Ak

[rubywillow]

Should I tell?

I'm so happy for you, AK. You see, a Mother knows. BTW, have you check out the What We Believe thread lately. There are some great groups working there you might be interested in.

[akgirl]

Should I tell?

I will have to peek in and see. My anxiety is so much less now that I've given my worry over to......a higher power. Realizing there is only so much I can do and I need to quit beating myself up. Tackle one task at a time and just be the best person I can be.

:l
Ak

[TakeHeart]

Should I tell?

AK Girl~

Sorry I don't have kids, but I do believe every child has a different level of maturity and you will do what's best.

Wanted to thank you for sharing the thought of doing the best we can and leaving the rest up to God / A Higher Power / whatever one wants to call it.

I really needed to hear that. I have not been giving my best in any area as of late. I've got that stinkin' thinkin' of "What's one more drink on the Titanic".

Although, I CAN only do my best...I need TO DO my best.

Thank you. Really needed that.

Best wishes

[akgirl]

Should I tell?

It feels so wonderful to relieve myself of all the worry. I just know that I can let go of the stress and leave it to "him" and focus on myself. I was having the worse anxiety. I have never felt the symptoms I was feeling. Light headed, hard to breathe, couldn't focus....it was awful. I had no idea I could feel that way. But after the counselor talked to me about letting go of my son (to some degree), and letting go of the worry.....well it has just made a world of difference. His office is at the top of a beautiful hill and I just laid there after and felt so much peace. I have been a single mom of an aspie kid for so long with not much support and have always worried about everything, now I feel lighter. And I know that although I haven't completly quit drinking I am on a better path and am more secure with myself. I feel so much happier.

To all moms out there, leave some of the selflessness (sp?) behind...be kind to yourself and let "something else" handle the streess. Just be the person you would admire and do the best you can.

:l
Ak

[Gearhead]

Should I tell?

That is an agonizing choice. I was somewhat forced to do so because of my ex and a live restraining order that she got against me and my kids thanks to AL, and has not used or served, so it was a little on the extortion side. She is giving me a chance to improve right now.

I can say that I only opened the door for questions but did not give them much information. Also since mine are different ages (4 years apart), it made sense to approach them separately. I can say that my kids were completely non-judgemental, my daughter even made a comment "I've seen mommy drunk several times". Not that it changes anything, but I know that she is imperfect too.

[akgirl]

Should I tell?

BUMP


for BPleasant :l

[MommyDearest72]

Should I tell?

Me Too...

colbe;707413 wrote: I am in you same boat. Mine is 13 and I have my own ideas, but now since the law (wrongfully) is involved, it can't help but dross my mind. Remember the most "perfect" monthers still question themselves. I am high functioning as well, but at 13 she sure did have a lot to say to the Social Workers despite our wonderful relationship.

SOOO, nope, don't have an answer book on that one. If your son is younger than mine, then ust take my horrifiying experience into account. Perhaps a counselor for the both of you?

Best wishes to you!!!

I am in the same boat...My daighter just turned 16, my son will be 12 on Saturday. I am involved in a custody battle for my 11 yr old. And despite our wonderful relationship-it was a wake up call when I heard the things that my honest children have said about me...I cant blame them only myself. And you're right they already know. Stay strong!!! Tell him whats relevant-validate any feelings hemay have about you-it's a tough pill to swallow!

[momof3]

Should I tell?

AK,

I have a 12 year old daughter with Aspergers. She is a magnificantly creative and unique individual. And, she is also a child who is easily misunderstood by others. I know from first hand experience that depression and anxiety are is par for the course for a child with Asperger's, particularly in their teenage years. I also understand the feeling of guilt; I often feel like I am never doing "enough" for her.

I think the most important thing we can do for our kids, particularly those with AS, is to let them know that we love them just the way that they are.

M3

[Guest]

Should I tell?

I would never tell, specially if he has as! If he ever sees you drinking he will embarress the living day lights out of you! The most I would do is casually mention one evening you were thinking of cutting back on the vino and see if he has any opinions on that, he prob wont. Good luck Ak, ive no doubt you are doing a great job at raising your son , try not to worry so much.