?????SELFISH?????

[TakeHeart]

Hello!

Want to apologize upfront for this rant. Would love some HONEST feedback.

Little background, I am not Jewish, nor was I brought up around the faith. My boyfriend, whom I love and adore, is Jewish.

Went to his niece's bat mitzvah this weekend, my first time even stepping foot in a temple. Friday night went to a dinner where I knew almost no one and did the small talk thing. Then off to a 1 and 1/2 hour service at temple where it was almost all in Hebrew (ie., no clue as to what was being said). Another 1 and 1/2 hour reception following with coffee and sweets. Wake up the next morning, off to a 2 and 1/2 hour temple service with almost 100% Hebrew. Took a break for a couple of hours then a party...AND MORE SPEECHES....AND SMALL INCONSEQUENTIAL TALK...dinner wasn't served until 4 hours after we got there.

I had reached a breaking point. I proceeded to drink WAY too much. I even took a break and went out to the parking lot to call my sister who said. "You know how selfish you are. Suck it up and go back in" Did for another 2 hours and when more speeches started I just couldn't take anymore... sat at the bar by myself....ohhh...I am sure there is talk today!

Driving back to the hotel w/ my bf's parents, his mom asked me what I thought. I was drunk and honest and I went on about how it was TOOO LONG!!! (And there is more TODAY! I sent bf without me w/ the excuse of work). Mom wasn't too happy with my answer.

So, I sit here hungover, reflecting. I do realize I may have been a bit of a baby and am quite disturbed by my sister saying, "well you know how selfish you are".

Seriously, I say I am selfish because that is what I read alcoholics are. But...I DO NOT have to be the center of attention at all times. I am truly happy to celebrate in other people's milestones and accomplishments.

However, I honestly do feel it was TOO LONG! Am I selfish or are they????

Any one of the events I would have been fine with, but it is an entire weekend of no fun events (like weddings have). Just hearing over and over how great their family is when I could even understand what was being said.

Sorry for the long post. Struggling with this. Am I a horrible person?

[Muddle]

?????SELFISH?????

I wouldn't call you selfish, TakeHeart. And having a hard time coping with a new situation with lengthy presentations in a language you couldn't understand does not make you a bad person. I think your sister made a hurtful remark that you shouldn't, excuse the pun, take to heart. I don't think alcoholics are necessarily selfish, often the opposite catering to everyone else and ignoring their own needs.

My husband and I had very different interests in many areas and completely different religious beliefs. We learned to accept and sometimes enjoy our differences. It was ok to sometimes go places or do things separately, as long as it was done with respect. If you and your bf have other things in common and can embrace the differences rather than let them divide you, don't give up on the relationship! A good, loving man is not easy to find.

[lucky 2.0]

?????SELFISH?????

TH,

I think it was totally unrealistic of bf to think that you would enjoy such a long event when they are not speaking a language you know. An hour would be one thing but not an entire week-end! My bf speaks another language with all of his family and when we are together, he summarizes/interprets things for me which is nice and I don't even have to ask. He is just considerate. And his family members are either fluent in English or 1/2 way fluent so they speak to me in English which mixes it up a bit.

Bottomline- BAD expectation from bf. I like Jewish peeps quite a bit. They do tend to marry or have long term relationships with people of the same faith. But not always. Up to you to figure out what you want moving forward.

All the best.

EDIT: Forgot to mention the sister comment. I would have said you need to go back in but I would not have used the word selfish.

[byebyebridgetjones]

?????SELFISH?????

I'd rather have my kidneys harvested than sit through that.
If you're selfish, then we both are.
Bridge

[Mackeral]

?????SELFISH?????

You lasted longer than i would have. I think you did well. I thought you showed a great deal of courtesy sitting through a whole weekend. If the boyfriends mother judges you on your last comments and not on your actions and unselfishness for the entire weekend then thats her problem..
Anyway its always good to let people know where you stand from the off, maybe it was a blessing in disguise, there could be another three next month