my sons wedding (FYI update)

[queen of denial]

hi
i made it and am 34 days AF as of today.
the worst part was stopping to eat on way there and it was wine wed. at the rest. 10.00 off a bottle of wine. I sat there and got real sad thinking in the old days we would get a bottle, i would drink 3/4ths of it and husband would drive us to where we were going and id have a nice buzz..
the lady behind me was tasting and ordering wine and i could hear her.,.i knew i had wrong thinking here the depravation not greatfullness but it was still hard
then the hotel had 3 free adult drinks per night along with free snacks in lobby
i told the bartender i quit drinking and she gave me lime and tonic water which did look nice and fancy..
the reception there was wine there and my husband did ask me "do you mind if i have a glass of wine." i lied and said no but it does make me mad that he can drink in moderation and i can not. I do not want to have this problem..he had one glass and i focused on other things not on his wine. I told both my sons and my sister that i quit drinking, My older son (the one who got married) said very little and the younger thought it was great as did my sister.
personally i think the longer i go AF the louder that voice gets in my head telling me that i can drink in moderation even tho i know i have never been able to do that after many tries. DOnt know if that is normal or part of my denial (hence my screen name i really am!)
back to work and reality today
thanks to all of you for your kind words and advice whenever ive needed it..

[mario]

my sons wedding (FYI update)

:goodjob: queen of denial on 34 days af,thats some doing, At the start when we become sober we all have this little devil telling us it be grand to just have one,; look at all them other people sure i am better than them, if they can do it surely i can; No we cant, we have passed that line and there aint going back,sorry to say once an alcoholic always an alcoholic,we always get worse,never better,we are never cured,no matter how long we have been sober if we try alcohol again we are as bad or worse than we ever were,we can never recapture them good times of the past they are gone forever.always try and think of all the positive things you have gotten out of been sober,not the negative.:goodjob:

[Mstall]

my sons wedding (FYI update)

Congrats on your 34 days AF!

You passed up big temptation and you should be very proud of yourself. I love the feeling that i will not have one drink because i know where that leads...not a very happy place.

give yourself time and i believe that eventually that addictive voice wont be talking so loud in your head.


again, well done!

[Lavande]

my sons wedding (FYI update)

Congratulations Queen,

You made your goal - to be AF at your son's wedding
I'm very happy for you, be proud of yourself. You will always have great memories of your son's wedding day and you know in your heart & soul that you did the right thing.

The internal chatter in your head will change over time. You are still learning to live as a non-drinker, it takes some time to adjust. Treat yourself well, you deserve it.

Great job!
Lav

[Blue Sky]

my sons wedding (FYI update)

Hi Queen of Denial

Well done on staying sober at your son's wedding. You will be able to look at his wedding pictures and remember his special day as a happy day. Just think if you had started drinking at the restaurant and continued at the hotel and reception it would just have been a blur and you would probably embarrassed both yourself, him and your husband. Something to be very GRATEFUL for not at all deprived!

I tried modding after 30 days af and it has not gone well. I am trying hard now to get a few AF days together. I so wish I had kept on AF as getting the motivation together to start again is very hard.

[greeneyes]

my sons wedding (FYI update)

That's a wonderful accomplishment! Bravo!! Don't listen to the voice. It will lessen with your commitment.

[gyco]

my sons wedding (FYI update)

congratds on the 34 days,as far as moderation,a lot of people try it,and only find themselves in a hole again,is the drink really worth it.gyco

[keeta]

my sons wedding (FYI update)

queen, you did a great job resisting temptation at every turn. Good grief, you should be VERY proud of yourself. Maybe this was some kind of test. It seems like no matter where you were, there was this flashing sign...drink....drink...drink. AND, you commited to your AF and stuck to it. :goodjob:
I can understand the frustration at the feeling "why can't I just be normal like everyone else". I DO know it is hard, but try, even now, after the fact, to find some little things to be grateful for. Write them down. Then read them out loud to yourself.

I am glad I didn't drink wine when we stopped to eat because.......(I would have be primed to drink more, and would have likely ended up making a fool of myself, and arguing with my husband...*this is mine, but just wanted to give you an idea, kind of like trying to reprogram your brain to see the negative side of drinking, not the deprivation...the polar opposite of positve affirmations I guess :H )

You have already started to do this by actually making it through these functions full of people drinking, and opportunities for YOU to drink, and you didn't.

I also understand the little voice, saying, oh just one...you are better now. You are in control. HA....LIES I am trying to tell myself. :H I am happy to report I am almost past this part. Or atleast for now. I Imagine it will return, and I know if I don't stay on guard, I run the risk of drinking. I CAN'T drink...ever. I know from decades of trying, I can't moderate.

Anyways, I have rambled on, sorry!!! I just wanted you to know your feelings are very normal, you aren't alone, and you did STUPENDOUSLY this weekend! Keep up the great work!!!

K

[rubywillow]

my sons wedding (FYI update)

You get to create a great, new normal for you, Queen. You're not everyone else. You're a queen.

[dancelot]

my sons wedding (FYI update)

Queen -

You did great, got over a huge hurdle, and you're 34 days AF! That's wonderful! As Ruby says, you're not everyone else. People like us are not "normal" folks. I think we're more like superhuman as we find the courage to change, and overcome obstacles that may seem little to others, but are huge for us. Be very proud of yourself!

Much love to you!