I think my husband may leave me
Hi! As rubywillow pointed out you have three separate issues going on at the one time.
1. You have the desire to quit drinking.
2. You have the desire to save your marriage.
3. You feel your husband deserves a sober wife.
I say tackle one at a time. Firstly the drinking. The way you stop drinking works differently for everyone I know that. Have you considered making any sort of firm commitment like going to rehab? Have you considered that you have hit rock bottom? I mean I went to rehab but if I had gone two years ago I would have got absolutely nothing out of it. It would have been a complete waste of money. Not drinking is (in my opinion) something you have to truly want to do for yourself. No amount of talking from anyone really helped me until that little switch in your brain snaps and you make the decision. Do you realise you don't have a stop / go button in your brain? It's part of alcoholism, when you start drinking and you don't stop your stop go button is either missing or faulty. People who can drink moderately have that operational, ie they start to feel tipsy, they stop. Most of us, me in my past life anyway - i wanted to get smashed every time I drank. That was part of the fun of the whole thing.
Two or three drinks did nothing for me. You need to take baby steps. You need to make up your mind once and for all that you want to stop drinking, not for your husband because he deserves a sober wife, but for yourself. Nothing else works. Until you come to that realization you are just going to keep torturing yourself like I did.
Maybe take out three birds with one stone. Sit down with your husband and voice your concerns when you are in a sober state. All of them. Tell him you are scared to death of losing him. If he loves you he will support you, this is something I have found through bitter experience. My father always used to say to me you are sober when you pick up the first drink. To that I used to say "whatever' now I think it makes sense. Have you identified why you think you are drinking? It sounds like you want to stop but it doesn't sound like you have made a decision to do it for yourself. Like I said different people need to do it in different ways. Have you thought about AA? I think you need to make a commitment to yourself and stick to it. Whether its an AA meeting once a week, a few weeks in rehab (only if you think you can make the decision to stop drinking for yourself) or read through some of the posts here about the affect it has on your health.
Have you ever seen a liver with cyrosis or a fatty enlarged liver? They are not pretty. Have you seen people with brain damage from alcohol? It is extremely sad. The scary part is if you keep drinking that is where you are heading. Alcoholism is a slippery slope. You need to find what works for you. I know, I had every well intentioned person in the world trying to help me and I shrugged it all off for years. We all work in different ways, maybe you would work better just making a commitment to go to that AA meeting once a week. AA allows support members, your husband could go along with you. You could show him you were making a commitment to quit that way.
There is no definitive answer anyone can give you but whatever you decide stick around here, I am only new as well but I know this disease does not discriminate - we are all so different but the same simultaneously.
Whatever you decide to do good luck! All I can do is wish you the best and hope that you grab onto something before you slide down the slippery slope anymore. I did, and it was the best thing I have ever done. Period.
Hi! As rubywillow pointed out you have three separate issues going on at the one time.
1. You have the desire to quit drinking.
2. You have the desire to save your marriage.
3. You feel your husband deserves a sober wife.
I say tackle one at a time. Firstly the drinking. The way you stop drinking works differently for everyone I know that. Have you considered making any sort of firm commitment like going to rehab? Have you considered that you have hit rock bottom? I mean I went to rehab but if I had gone two years ago I would have got absolutely nothing out of it. It would have been a complete waste of money. Not drinking is (in my opinion) something you have to truly want to do for yourself. No amount of talking from anyone really helped me until that little switch in your brain snaps and you make the decision. Do you realise you don't have a stop / go button in your brain? It's part of alcoholism, when you start drinking and you don't stop your stop go button is either missing or faulty. People who can drink moderately have that operational, ie they start to feel tipsy, they stop. Most of us, me in my past life anyway - i wanted to get smashed every time I drank. That was part of the fun of the whole thing.
Two or three drinks did nothing for me. You need to take baby steps. You need to make up your mind once and for all that you want to stop drinking, not for your husband because he deserves a sober wife, but for yourself. Nothing else works. Until you come to that realization you are just going to keep torturing yourself like I did.
Maybe take out three birds with one stone. Sit down with your husband and voice your concerns when you are in a sober state. All of them. Tell him you are scared to death of losing him. If he loves you he will support you, this is something I have found through bitter experience. My father always used to say to me you are sober when you pick up the first drink. To that I used to say "whatever' now I think it makes sense. Have you identified why you think you are drinking? It sounds like you want to stop but it doesn't sound like you have made a decision to do it for yourself. Like I said different people need to do it in different ways. Have you thought about AA? I think you need to make a commitment to yourself and stick to it. Whether its an AA meeting once a week, a few weeks in rehab (only if you think you can make the decision to stop drinking for yourself) or read through some of the posts here about the affect it has on your health.
Have you ever seen a liver with cyrosis or a fatty enlarged liver? They are not pretty. Have you seen people with brain damage from alcohol? It is extremely sad. The scary part is if you keep drinking that is where you are heading. Alcoholism is a slippery slope. You need to find what works for you. I know, I had every well intentioned person in the world trying to help me and I shrugged it all off for years. We all work in different ways, maybe you would work better just making a commitment to go to that AA meeting once a week. AA allows support members, your husband could go along with you. You could show him you were making a commitment to quit that way.
There is no definitive answer anyone can give you but whatever you decide stick around here, I am only new as well but I know this disease does not discriminate - we are all so different but the same simultaneously.
Whatever you decide to do good luck! All I can do is wish you the best and hope that you grab onto something before you slide down the slippery slope anymore. I did, and it was the best thing I have ever done. Period.
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