What is wrong with me?

[Hopeful mom]

Why can't I just walk away from alcohol? I can't go more than just a few days! I make an absolute fool out of myself by calling friends and family and I hate myself afterwards! My teenage children are going to hate me as well if I don't figure out how to get a grip! I tell myself every morning that I am not going to stop for that bottle of wine after work, but when 5:00 comes I leave and go straight to the store. I have no strength. I am a Christian and pray that I will stop; but I just keep doing it! I am so ANGRY with myself! Am I going to have to lose everyone that I love before I gain control? Any advice is welcome and needed!

[JackieClaire]

What is wrong with me?

:hello2::colorwelcome:

Hi Hopeful mom,

You've found a good safe place here. Kind, wise people here.

Read,read and then read the posts some more.

Stay close. SHOUT if you're struggling.

There's a section called 'What We Believe'. You may like there.

Look forward to getting to know you better. We've all been in your shoes at one time or another.

Best of luck.

Love Jackie xxx :l

[mooderator]

What is wrong with me?

Hiya Hopeful

As said above, you will find much support here. There are all sorts of different people with all different issues with AL. What we all have in common is to some degree or other we dont treat AL intirely normally and therefore need help to work things out. There are lots of communities within this community. Read read and read as above, and you will find one or many that suit you well with likeminded people (depending on what you want to acheive). The Newbies Nest is said to be brilliant. There is a tools thread. Personally (I am more of a moderator/occasional drinker) I find DRINKTRACKER excellent. It makes me accountable to myself and others. A buddy system can help too. If say you want to try and do one week AF, ask for someone else looking to do the same goal and work together. If I can assist in any way...PM me or leave a message here..

Moo

[keeta]

What is wrong with me?

Hopeful,

I can relate to routine/habitual drinking, whether the trigger is a time of day, a place, or an activity.
It can make it very difficult to break both the addiction to the drinking AND the routine.

Can you make some sort of plan that will get you home having bypassed the liquor store, and arriving home from work without the wine? Maybe a different route to drive, and then make a plan to come on here and post that you made it?? Make your self accountable to arriving home with out that bottle?

Starting a "Just get me home from work" thread or something. Then every day you successfully make it home without stopping for the wine, you post...or post for support when you don't, but BEFORE you take a drink??
I am not sure of your drinking patterns, or what you want to accomplish, but even without that, maybe the first step is just trying to break that one habit...stopping on the way home???

I guess I haven't been much help, but keep on posting, and there are lots of helpful, caring, supportive people here.

Good luck!!!

[izzy40]

What is wrong with me?

Hey Hopeful,

I am with you all the way. Your post is so much like I am every night on the way home from work I find myself stopping off for that bottle. The dog's birthday, bad day, good day, OKish day, can't possibly eat that meal without opening a bottle day!!! The list goes on.... and the really awful thing is no one has a clue that I have a problem. Except me.

I get so angry too, if you need any support I am here and is everyone else this site is a god send I promise you.

xx

[QuitinTime]

What is wrong with me?

I'm there too. Hang in there Hopeful Mom by just being here you take the right steps forward - it's a process.

[gottatry]

What is wrong with me?

I am in the same boat. 1-2 days off because of guilt, then heading for the beer.
I've been struggling with this for many years and fear my daughters might think that is the norm.

[Hopeful mom]

What is wrong with me?

Thanks for the advice guys! I really feel powerless and disguisted with myself. There's no telling who I pissed off last night. I have got to figure out how to change this behavior before it destroys my family and/or kills me. I have listened to the cd's, tried some of the meds, and read books but somehow my crazy mind convinces me that I can handle it, which I cannot! I know that this sounds like a cop out, but I would rather not be here than continue to do what I am doing to my family. Please pray that I can get some control of this demon!

[reneesmiles]

What is wrong with me?

Hi. I just wanted to say that many of us are in the same boat with you. The guilt and shame of the next day feels almost unbearable at times. What you have is called Alcoholism and from the treatment I am getting, it is a neurobiological disease... one of impulse control. Your brain actually tells you to get that drink, so you do. There are some medications that may help you. I would look into that. They have helped me... I do not have every day alcohol free (AF), but those days are coming more and more. It is a process as someone said. You are not "cured" overnight.

I wish you my best and if you need anyone, we are all here!

[namaste]

What is wrong with me?

Hopeful Mom,
You are in the right place. Be gentle with yourself. You will learn why it's so difficult, and hopefully stop judging yourself for (which only makes it worse).

Wishing you well, keep coming back!

Namaste'

[HockeyMom]

What is wrong with me?

Hopeful Mom,

I am in the exact same boat as you. Nighttime is when the temptation hits. I also have teenage kids, and a young 6 1/2 year old son. I don't want them to grow up in an alcoholic home, so I am determined to beat this! I've been struggling for about 4-5 years, since I quit work and stayed home to care for my son. I seemed to lose my identity during those years, and wine seemed to take the edge off and comfort me. It is such a bad habit, but I keep falling into it. I also fear losing my husband over this, and that he will use it against me to get custody of my son. So, it's hard to be fully honest with him because of that potential result.

I am also a Christian, and I think that makes it even harder! We are so hard on ourselves, and feel like noone else has this problem. It would be too shameful to share it at church!! But it shouldn't be - it is a disease just like any other. I pray all the time that the spirit will give me strength to resist, but I too often seem to let my flesh control my decisions. I just ordered the Celebrate Recovery bible and workbooks, and I may start attending their meetings. It's an alternative to AA based on 8 principals from the Sermon on the Mount. I'll see if this inspires me!

Don't beat yourself up too badly. Each day is a new one, and we can only start anew.

HockeyMom

[Miss October]

What is wrong with me?

Hopeful Mom,

We're in the same boat. I must have that daily bottle of wine. I have two teenagers myself, both boys. That was the only time I was able to abstain for months when I was pregnant with them. After they were born, the wine starting calling my name again. So here I am, trying to beat this daily habit/addiction.

Good luck to you in your effort to say NO to the wine :mad-door:

[dlw]

What is wrong with me?

Welcome to our site, no one judges, we are all here for the same reason! TO try to quit drinking. For me, it was hitting rock bottom, and the actual FACT and not fear of loosing my loved ones. On Oct 10th I will be with this friendly group for 1 year, and I had a few bumps in the road, but over a 90% success rate. THe first thing you will have to do is figure out when you have had enough. Not just enough of the bottle- but enough of the guilt, enough of the embarassment, enough of the hangovers! When you get to that point, we will be here for you. No one can tell you to stop drinking, only you can!
Good Luck!

[Hopeful mom]

What is wrong with me?

Thanks again to all! DLW, I am there...I am ready to stop. I will be here daily and read all that I can! As far as meds...does anyone know what seems to be the most effective? Probably a dumb question because we are all different.

Hockey mom, I am going to order that Bible and workbook as well. I am ready to jump in and change my life!

[rubywillow]

What is wrong with me?

As you say you pray. I too am a believer. I've read of many cases where people finally realized that the WAY they prayed was wrong. When they finally admitted they were powerless over AL alone, they were able to completely give the problem to God; not worrying or meddling with His process, not looking for escape clauses or their own way to put a spin on it. Just give it over. Maybe, something this simple will help you, but being here and immersing yourself in learning certainly will. I hope this helps in some way.
Rubes