Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

[Miss October]

How can I still love my wine when it makes me bloated and feeling like crap every day?

Anyway, I joined back in November 2007 with my first post “I Love my Wine”. I received overwhelming responses, and it helped me get on the right track. But since last summer, I guess I just gave up the good fight because of my love for wine. So I stopped posting, since I really had nothing to contribute to anyone on this site if I was drinking nightly.

I eat very healthy, drink lots of water, take vitamins, always have exercised, and actually have added cycling (aka Spinning) classes and biking outside on trails and roads to my fitness routine of running and weight lifting. But even after my cycling classes at night, I come home and still start drinking wine. All that did was delay the start of my first glass. The same as going on a long bike ride, or an intense 45 minute bike ride up and down hills, or a good run. Does not matter how hard or how long I exercise, when I get the 5:00 pm wine call, that’s it, no questions asked. I’m on automatic pilot.

I even switched from white wine to red, because I drink white like water. At first I would only have one or two glasses of red, since it did not go down as easily as the white, and actually I was feeling much better with just two reds. But now, I’m a pro.…I can drink the entire bottle of red and, oh how smoothly it goes down. Unbelievable!

How much more can my digestive system take, my stomach, my liver, my pancreas, my brain…..25 YEARS of habitual drinking, no moderation, and no control? How much longer can I go down this path of slow self-destruction? It’s just that the HABIT, the LOVE, the CRAVING for that delicious wine in that beautiful wine glass is just TOO powerful for me to say NO! This would never make any sense to the “normal” drinker.

You here all about making LIFE STYLE CHANGES for weight control all the time. Exercise and eat right. So how do I make a LIFE STYLE CHANGE? I already do all that.

I think I can answer my own question. MY life style change would be to just STOP DRINKING. I sure wish it was just that simple.

Anyone who knows me thinks I am so freaking healthy. They wish they were so dedicated to exercise as I am. I’m such an inspiration to them. Imagine that. A 52 year old woman with alcoholism who drinks a bottle of wine EVERY night inspires people. If they only knew my secret. If they only knew.....

So why DO I STILL love my wine? It’s all in the beauty of the painted picture. But that painted picture of beauty changes, as the wine slides easily down until the bottle is empty, and the beauty that it once was, has slowly faded away…..

So I am here posting today hoping to start the GOOD FIGHT once again. And since I am still of sound mind and body, I DO HAVE A CHOICE, and MY choice is to NOT POUR THAT GLASS TONIGHT!

P.S. I just received my book order from Amazon “Drinking: A Love Story” by Caroline Knapp. How fitting. Maybe this will knock some sense into my wine fed brain! There were great reviews on it from Amazon. I’ll post about that in the “What we are reading” section when I’m finished.

[izzy40]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

Oh Miss October you speak my language so bloody well. I could have written that myself. Sadly el vino is a very cruel lover, raises you and destroys you in the same breath. I also have a wine call but mine is 6.00 pm after work and after picking up my son. My car could take itself to the Off Licence I swear!

I also switched from white to red to rose', but to no avail always the same outcome bottle gone and happily ready to start another for just that last glass!

No one knows my secret and to the outside world I'm a pillar of the community! Ha ha if they only knew.

Good luck with your journey and keep talking I for one need to know I have likeminded people who have the same goal.

Lots of love xx

[crazyforwine]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

Miss October,

I could be you. Am also 52, an avid runner (though less avid at the moment since I am exhausted from a heaving drinking summer!) and just love my wine. Unfortunately for me, that bottle turned into 2, the last one being finished at 3 am when I couldn't fall back asleep; and then the need came IN THE MORNING, for god's sake, just to take away the shakes. Not a pretty scenario.

I am just trying to believe life can be better without wine. I know it can from past periods of abstinence. Just hang in there and give it a try! I know others on this forum will give you more specific ideas on how to proceed-right now I'm no one to give advice!

You are certainly not alone, that's for sure.

Ann

[Marshy]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

Hi Miss October,

As well as the addiction, a lot of the problem is habit, as you say. Drinking a particular brand at a particular time in a particular glass etc. So 5pm is the danger time for you. Is there a cut-off time when that danger has passed? Say if you don't get home until 10pm? Or 11pm? Or midnight? Would you still drink then? If not, then maybe you could try something like that - at least for a few nights until you start to break the habit.

I don't know anything about your home circumstances so don't know if that would be possible. If it is possible, you might be thinking "but that's really inconvenient - I don't want to get home so late!". Unfortunately, I found I had to do all sorts of inconvenient things to change my routine and start to move forward.

BTW, I thought Drinking: A Love Story was great. Very uncomfortable for me to read, but it's good.

[com1]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

I am sure you could substitute AL of any kind instead of wine and it would apply the same way. It would certainly apply to me with my beer.

[HockeyMom]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

Miss October: Your dilemma is exactly what I face every day! (except I'm still drinking white!!) Why is the wine so damn tempting??? I'm 43 years old, but have only been struggling with drinking for a few years (4-5). Every day after I overdrink, I promise I'm not going to do it again, but then night comes and I'm sucked back into the illusion of grandeur. I eat well and exercise all the time also - rollerblading, step aerobics, biking, hockey, etc., but that doesn't seem to stop my desire to drink. In fact, after a good workout, I feel that I deserve a nice chilled glass of wine. Nobody in the community knows my secret habits, and I operate each day as a professional with my own office. But my husband is starting to clue in, and he doesn't like it. I usually say mean or crazy things to him when I've been drinking, and he's not willing to put up with it anymore. If only it was so easy to just stop - I guess we'd all do it. It's just that nagging lie, that everything will feel better after a glass or two (or a bottle or two), that trips me up. My life would be so great without this problem - I have a wonderful husband, 4 great kids, and a beautiful home. Why can't I kick the habit???

So, today is a new day. I've started back on the supplements, and campral, etc. Will try to do the hypno tapes as well. But in the end, it all comes down to my willpower (and strength of God), to just say no.

It is so relieving to know that other people are in the trenches like I am. Hang in there!

HockeyMom

[Determination]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

I hear ya - I want to "break up" with my lover - wine. It is really more about the habit - that is what I have been doing every day for about 5 years - drinking a glass of wine (which turns into 1 - 1.5 bottles) a night. I feel the craving to hold that pretty wine glass and savor the nuances of my red wine (at least at first until my taste buds are shot).

I also love the wine club that I used to go to - they are meeting tonight. They are having Spanish wines. My favorite. I am depressed that I can't go. The good thing is that my DD has a soccer practice so that I can't even be tempted to go - now I just have to resist stopping by the store on my way home to grab "just one bottle". The craving is so absolutely intense right now.....

[shame]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

I know I'm not alone. I've seen lots of people die from it in its various ways.
I know all about the efects of alcohol and dependence both physiological and psychological - I work in the health sector.
But the wine beckons - it's habitual. Doesn't matter if I get home mid afternoon or late evening - I don't think about it (apart from the guilt) until I walk through the door (home), then the craving switches on - like a light!!! And it goes down rapidly. All done in a few short hours a day what a ''normal'' person should drink over a couple of weeks or more.
Haven't had an alcohol free day for 10 years!! Apparently successful and still working. What a farce?
As I write this - I have a glass!!!
Partner a very heavy drinker too. Both ''respectable'' professionals!! It's a way of life that needs to be changed.
Not sure when/if/how????? Scared for the future - what future?

[bonniemarie2924]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

Miss October - your story is mine. Except I have been doing it for 2.5 years but otherwise the same. I function highly at work but when it is 5 PM I am owned by my white wine bottle. Very sad and very frustrating to me. I am going to try the MWO program but don't know....

[Miss October]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

Good Morning, thanks so much for all of your posts. I was not AF last night, but I managed to have only two, and asked my husband to finish the last glass in the bottle. He could care less if he drank or not. So no more wine in the house thank goodness.

It is real hard to change what seams like a life long habit. I cannot come home late at night. I have a two teenage boys, and a husband to cook for, and a one year old puppy to feed her carrots on her paws while cooking

Tonight I'm going to try SO HARD to have ice tea when I get home from my cycle class. And I know exactly which glass I'm going to use, and it's not a wine glass.

Where there is hope, there is a way. I wish you all the best in your struggles of the nightly ritual :armsaround:

[Lavande]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

Ms October,

I was in your exact spot 6 months ago!
Truthfully, I had to face the fact that crippling anxiety/depression were at the root of my problem and the wine only made it much, much worse!
Is there a possibility you are also dealing with unresolved depression?
I had been on & off an AD for 5 years, it didn't help, made me feel worse actually. I gave that up back in January and switched to a good OTC herbal product for anxiety/depression. By mid March I was feeling so much better & ready to commit myself to going completely AF! I couldn't be happier.

I loved my wine too, it was tough to give up but I love the way I'm feeling now much, much more

Wishing you the best!
Lav

[RedThread12]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

Hello Ms. October!
How interesting to wake up to this post/thread this a.m. Today will be a wine-free day for me and I intend to keep it that way for many, many more days to come. I was completely abstinent from the time I was 30 (I was a hard-partier and made thirty my goal. I was able to do it, but what it took was for life to get a whole lot harder than I could have imagined! Anyway, wine-free, completely abstinent without a thought in the world about it from then until my husband and I split. Over the ensuing years one or two glasses became one or two bottles, so near my 50th birthday I was very sick and I quit. With AA and lots of support, sobriety came pretty easily. This May (on the 19th to be exact), for no reason at all I drank a beer, and I have had very few AF days since then. Of course - I quickly went back to the wine. I tried Campral, which made me feel suicidal; I've taken some of the supps I found out about here (make me nauseous) and experimented with moderating in a variety ways. Like you, I'm healthy, eat well, exercise, have great, supportive friends . . .but the red wine is starting to make me sick physically (lethargy) and emotionally (will I?, when will I? how can I arrange it so no one knows the extent?) and spiritually (dishonesty, withdrawing from others) . . .
Then for some reason . . I woke up this morning knowing that I just have to stop and today is the day I STOP.
So thank you so much for your post. I so relate. I'll be back later to report on day one AF for me. I know I'll feel different later on, but right now it feels like such a RELIEF!

Beth

[Zeta]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

Wow, I, like so many here have said, can completely relate. For me, wine was the acceptable alcohol. It's romantic air (think rolling hills, lush wineries, the beauty of the glass with the sun's light bouncing off, et al...) has been such a temptress. I gave up my love for vodka after I was circling the drain and given a choice - Booze or divorce.

So wine was always the acceptable alternative. No fifths or half-gallons to buy. No mixers need apply.

Just that lovely bottle of red with a cork and the history that comes with the harvest of the grape.

I now see that wine can be no less destructive than that half-gallon of vodka. Alcohol is alcohol no matter the wrapping. For me, it's the associations that are the most difficult. The parties, the wine tasting events, the good times, and of course that yummy yet fleeting buzz we all covet after a couple or three glasses in. (Funny how it's never enough, that second or third glass).

I too exercise and "look" good for my age. I have people tell me how good I look since I've lost that weight I was carrying for years. But what do my insides look like? Is that liver nice and pink or is it spotted with black specks? I too have been drinking and abusing AL for 25 years. Like you, I wonder, how much more can my body take?

I wish there was a magic pill but of course there is none. Only the will of your spirit, mind and body can end the destructive road. Whether I am binge drinking, moderating or abstaining, it will always be a daily struggle.

I'm glad to have found this place. No matter where I'm at with my drinking, it's become a sanctuary of strength and support for me.

I hope you find that same strength and support here and elsewhere. Keep fighting and believing you can beat this addiction, because you absolutely can.

[brightlite]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

Miss October,

Wine is my only drink of choice. I'm 47, work out and stay in good shape, but I have never had such an addiction! It is unshakeable. We do tend to romanticize the wine. Unfortunately I live in Wine/Horse country where there are at least 10 wineries within 15 miles of me and everybody likes to go wine tasting. There's also polo matches and steeplechase races where everyone wears pretty hats and drinks lots of wine...and wine tasting events and signs for wineries all up and down the roads....sometimes I just can't take it! Of course, there is a wine bar in our town that has Free wine tastings every thursday. There is also a saddle/wine store that also has free wine tastings every week...everywhere I look there's the words "FREE WINE" or pictures of grapes and glasses and horses or horses drinking wine or foxes eating grapes...well you get my point....sometimes it's just more than I can stand. Anyway it makes it really hard to have it in your faces everyday and try to abstain. Oh..and tonight I have to go to a business meeting and guess where it is being held???? Umm the winery! Maybe I need to move to another state, one that can't grow grapes or have vineyards...any suggestions?

BTW I read the Caroline Knapp story, Drinking a love story. Very good and extremely thought provoking. Poor Caroline died from cancer shorty after.

[Miss October]

Why Do I Still Love My Wine ?

Bonniemarie292, welcome. I say give MWO a try. Can't hurt. Some people have been really sucessful with the program. It' great that you are looking to take some kind of action now. You don't want 2.5 years to become 25 years. Keep reading and posting, and something just may "click".

Lavande, thanks for your post but I am not depressed. Actually, I am a happy person and that's why I like to drink. It's just that after years of too much daily wine, it has given me GI issues, and that makes me miserable. I'm so happy that you are feeling good, and I'm looking to feel good again myself.

RedThread12, You're welcome. Actually, I had typed it up in a Word Document a few weeks ago just for my own benefit, to see it on paper how I REALLY feel. I finally decided to post it to help myself out, as I know I need to STOP this nightly ritual. I glad it could help someone else. Good luck on your Day One today.

Zeta, thanks for your support. Yes this will be daily life time struggle. This is a good place to be. I did so much better when I used to post. Once I stopped posting, the drinking just continued. Let's get the good fight going and keep it going :goodluck:

Brightlite, I see that there seems to be many people who workout and have this addiction. Wow, you are surrounded by wine. My sister always wanted me to go with her up to the Finger Lakes in Upstate New York for wine tasting. I never had the desire, because I believed someone with my problem should not go there, since they drink all day, and I would surely miss my 5:00 wine call. I don't think moving would help. We might not have wineries in New Jersey, but we sure have many liquor stores !! Good luck at your meeting tonight. Try a glass of water between the glasses of wine. Listen to me giving advice :egad: