Hurt Feelings

[irish eyes]

I used to feel hurt when someone spoke in anger to me, gave me 'that' look or perhaps ignored me. Today, I know enough to realize that look, tone or mood of another person towards me has nothing much to do with me. It generally tells me pretty much what is going on in the other person's head. If I allow myself to become dragged into these little mind games, I quickly realise that it only hurts and controls me. It is important that I keep at the forefront of my mind that yes, other people are important to me and yes sometimes their opinions matter BUT I may be taking something personally that has nothing to do with me. Having my own opinions about me allows me accept others negative thoughts without being hurt by them. What others do, say,feel reflects on them, what I do and say and feel reflects on me.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Hurt Feelings

And ...as usual.....I think you are one wise lady.
Couldn't agree more Irish.
Bridgex

[one2many]

Hurt Feelings

Very very true and something I need to realise....I am printing this one Irish....thanks so much, you are a real asset to MWO!

[Popeye]

Hurt Feelings

Nice post irish eyes.
What you speak of has been an integral part of how I have decided to move forward.
My perception of myself and my own self-worth used to depend a lot upon the expressed views of others and how they treated me. In reality, what other people think about me has no bearing on who I am and is therefore irrelevant in the context of developing a relationship with myself and finding my own place in the world. As you say, they do matter when it comes to relationships with others but I have no interest in the various games of oneupmanship that people play in order to have their ego satisfied at the expence of someone else. Some deliberately intend to be hurtful, while others have a well-meaning heart, but either way I think I have matured enough at last, to take critisism and praise alike and deal with it on my terms, and not be swayed from what I know to be, simply because somebody else says so..

[rubywillow]

Hurt Feelings

Thank you Irish. I truly needed to hear that.

[Mstall]

Hurt Feelings

how is it Irish that you can say these things that cut right to the chase for me? It shows how much alike we all are.

i too would rely on others feelings towards me or what i precieved to be towards me that would dictate how i would feel about me.

this journey sure is an eye opener for me and i thank you for bringing these feelings out in the open for me.

[greeneyes]

Hurt Feelings

Wonderful post irish!

[work in progress]

Hurt Feelings

great

Thanks for the post irish eyes. It is so true.

[puddytat]

Hurt Feelings

Hurt Feelings send me off the rails so often! Especially in the office environment. So much, as Popeye put it "one-upmanship" and little games involving pecking orders and controlling behavior or just "stirring-the-pot" to create some drama. It's a good reminder, Irish, that it's their game, their problem, and we don't need to define ourselves by the moods and actions of others.

[Lavande]

Hurt Feelings

Thanks for the reminder Irish!
This has been one very hard lesson for me to learn but a vital one!!

[LVT25]

Hurt Feelings

I totally agree, but tell me, how does one get to this point? How do we change how we respond internally to people? I know it in my head, but I still react to the looks, the attitudes, etc. What is the key to changing the way I take things????

[puddytat]

Hurt Feelings

LVT, agreed that's the hard part. When I'm drunk, everything rolls right off like on a duck's back. But sober?!! everything hurts. this is a central challenge of sobriety: feeling these feelings -- and not having 'ole AL to help blow them off!

[irish eyes]

Hurt Feelings

LVT25;716122 wrote: I totally agree, but tell me, how does one get to this point? How do we change how we respond internally to people? I know it in my head, but I still react to the looks, the attitudes, etc. What is the key to changing the way I take things????

LV, when the siren goes off in my brain that I am reacting to others behaviour, I have LEARNED to say to myself 'how important is this to me, is it worth losing my peace of mind over this' It never fails to make me take a step back and look at the overall picture. The little mantra 'how important is it'really does work once you practice it on a daily basis.

[~iirene~]

Hurt Feelings

irish eyes;716037 wrote: What others do, say,feel reflects on them, what I do and say and feel reflects on me.

Well said. Thought about this many times.
Today i know i am responsible for me and me only.

:thanks: IE. :l

[rubywillow]

Hurt Feelings

It's very hard to overcome the hurt that comes when someone you really thought was your friend turns away from you, and causes lots of self-doubt. I believe this is normal, or you wouldn't have been friends in the first place. It's much easier to ignore the actions of someone you don't care about particularly, but it does get easier with time. Maybe our self-esteem is so low anyway during and just after we quit drinking, but when we begin to build it back, we become stronger. In some cases, there will always be a sadness.