Hurt Feelings Part 2

[irish eyes]

Today I am learning to mind my own business and stay silent when tempted to interfere in something that is clearly not my business. I am learning the value of silence, but silence can be more hurtful than verbal abuse when it is used to punish... Deliberately ignoring anothers attemts to communicate is just as bad as a war of words. Anger that is expressed by slamming doors and through dirty looks is still anger. I know when i set out to hurt someone in this manner, the only one I hurt is myself. What message does my silence communicate? If I cannot communicate constructively, well then I go for a walk, swim, find a friend and vent my feelings. I will remember that my aim is to heal myself and my relationships and I will try to make choices to support this goal.

[one2many]

Hurt Feelings Part 2

And again.......thank you Irish...I can be a right stubborn little bitch...slamming doors and generally having an air of anger about me.....

Funny thing is...keeping up this "angry Silence" actually takes a lot of effort and puts me in an even worse mood that I was in originally.

Thanks for this post..certainly food for thought.

[DeeBee]

Hurt Feelings Part 2

Oh Irish -- you hit it bang on!
This is something I am guilty of. On the odd occassion where I am this angry I find I just don't have the words to express how I am feeling and end up giving the silent treatment. This I have perfected over the years down to a fine art.
Something my Dad taught me which helps when I am consumed with anger is to look up -- turn your face to the sky and just spend 5 min looking up -- it is almost impossible to be down when you are looking at the clouds.

[one2many]

Hurt Feelings Part 2

Wow Deebers...what a wise Dad you have....I will rob that particular little gem for myself! Thanks hon!

[redhibiscus]

Hurt Feelings Part 2

Irish eyes, thanks for the discussion. I work with a person who is very angry and resentful. She will give the silent treatment and I have a really hard time with it. I personalize her behavior as I have to work closely with her, even though I know that she is just a disturbed person and her behavior has nothing to do with my or the job I do. Although she trys to make it that way. This week, she was pissy as it she hates being at work and started in on me with snide comments and then the silent treatment. I took it to heart and ended up drinking on Wednesday night, after committing to AF September. Just a few glasses of wine but I let my feelings get hurt and became very upset. This treatment was over three days and it just weakened me. I hate having to be around someone with negative energy. This gives me food for thought. Thanks so much for your philisophical discussions.

[LVT25]

Hurt Feelings Part 2

Another great subject Irish!

I do have anger issues that I seem to have to work on constantly. Years ago, during some group therapy sessions, the emotional dysfunction of my otherwise "normal" family came out. My mom was the silent treatment, bang the dishes type, and my dad would yell and cuss. I learned a lot about myself back then, and I don't have near the temper that I used to. But, I still tend to REACT instead of rationally discuss any emotions, especially anger.

DeeBee--I love your look to the clouds method! I will try very hard to remember that next time I am tested.

I have a friend that did something that made me angry. I spoke my peace (thru e-mail of course ) and I haven't heard from her since. I hold no grudges, but either she has decided to be mad at me in turn, or she is simply busy. I guess I won't know until I take the first step will I? Why is that so hard?

Thanks again for the topic! :h