AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

[colbe]

I have made some really close friends here and the wonderful thing is that sombody IS ALWAYS here. But sometimes I feel like I am wearing you out because as much as I mean what I say, it just doesn't last long enough for me to come on the boards like so many of you and brag...I don't even want to say I had 2 days AF cuz I know it won't last.

(Don't take that the wrong way, I feel so proud when I hear of someone that I have been in touch with...or even don't know... that is doing well! Really, it inspires me to death!!...AL and smoking)

I feel like this depression is winning over me. This is horrible to say...nevermind I can't even say it. I can say, if I were grieving over my situation, I could see an end or at least a way to cope. But that's not the case. This is a constant fight (for 4 months now), it is completely draining me. I have better days than others, and I so appreciate the support I get here...even when I am not doing well. This is really all I have. I am so wearing out my husband and the only thing I know to do is to hide this depression from him because I have already strained him to the point where he is unsure what to do. The love between us is so strong, but the bitterness over this situation with my DD is too much for either one of us.

The other weekend when I was REALLY bad, you guys sent some crisis lines for me to persue here in TN. I did call and it helped at the moment. I tried again to call today because I felt so badly, but for some reason, I got put on hold a bunch and got the run around...not really something you need when you are in crisis?, huh. Lesson perhaps? Do it by myself, kinda a "get the feck over it"? I hate this, I hate this disease, and at the moment, I hate (not really my existance, although easy to say) but my horrible circumstances.

Blablabla...

[letgolaughing]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

HI colbe,
i've been depressed before. it really sux. it sounds like you are in a pretty good funk. have you considered therapy? I have done therapy a few times and it really helps me so much. the key is finding someone that helps you the way you need help.

another good thing for short-term relief and as an addition to therapy are anti-depressants. Please, go talk to someone. it makes a big difference.

also, if you think you can't afford therapy, you're wrong. insurance covers it with a $25 copay most of the time. also, there are many clinics and universities that do it on a sliding scale.

you may know all of this already, but i just felt like i had to share it just in case.
take care

[colbe]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

letgolaughing;727044 wrote: HI colbe,
i've been depressed before. it really sux. it sounds like you are in a pretty good funk. have you considered therapy? I have done therapy a few times and it really helps me so much. the key is finding someone that helps you the way you need help.

another good thing for short-term relief and as an addition to therapy are anti-depressants. Please, go talk to someone. it makes a big difference.

also, if you think you can't afford therapy, you're wrong. insurance covers it with a $25 copay most of the time. also, there are many clinics and universities that do it on a sliding scale.

you may know all of this already, but i just felt like i had to share it just in case.
take care

Thank you honey, but I have the T-shirt on this one. When they stole my little girl, they take you insurance here in US. $.00...not much, if you have a job and a legal vehical to get there.
I have never needed therapy and now I am begging for it, but do not "qualify". I even have a script for Zoloft that my Dr. gave me prior to my insurance running out, but I don't think it did anything, so it sits in my purse. I tried to contact him...but nothing you can do without insurance.
Thank you though...

(not sure how this post will read...my computer is acting really weird...needing to re-boot!)

[letgolaughing]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

i'm sorry colbe. i don't know your whole story obviously.

I'm in the US too. I'm not sure what you mean by" they take your insurance here in us $00....

zoloft doesn't work right away. you have to give it about 2 weeks to kick in. and then believe me, it will work. you may have to adjust the dosage to what you need because everyone is different, but anti-depressants do work. there are options without insurance. The ER of a hospital is one.

[brittzak]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

Colbe,
I was depressed and drinking made it 1000's worse. You can't take medication for it if you are drinking. It is kinda like chasing your tail....you go in little circles. You drink to make thedepression go away, but the alcohol makes the depression so much worse. You have to get enough AF days to see clearly. I KNOW easier said than done. Keep trying...

[rubywillow]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

AL IS a depressant. Not while you're drinking, at first, but all of us know the weeps, the old emotions, the black-out phone calls or text messages, etc. It frees up our tongues to believe we can really communicate our pain, while it is really causing most of it. It took me several years and several different depressants and therapy to get a grip on these facts, for me. And my hangover depression was THE worst, when I was still dealing with all my problems and the chemical imbalances in my body. It's not til we begin to get our system clean, and our mind, that we begin to really see the goal, and the truth. I'm sorry for your situation, and can only imagine what each day is like for you. It is important, however, to realize that there is always hope for a better tomorrow. How can I help you in your struggle?
Rubes

[colbe]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

letgolaughing;727053 wrote: i'm sorry colbe. i don't know your whole story obviously.

I'm in the US too. I'm not sure what you mean by" they take your insurance here in us $00....

zoloft doesn't work right away. you have to give it about 2 weeks to kick in. and then believe me, it will work. you may have to adjust the dosage to what you need because everyone is different, but anti-depressants do work. there are options without insurance. The ER of a hospital is one.

K, going to answer quote byt quote...the 00$ was a computer hting...really not sure what my tech difficulties were, my numbers are not working...I meant 25$ co-pay is not much but too much if you don't have it.

[colbe]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

letgolaughing;727053 wrote: i'm sorry colbe. i don't know your whole story obviously.

I'm in the US too. I'm not sure what you mean by" they take your insurance here in us $00....

zoloft doesn't work right away. you have to give it about 2 weeks to kick in. and then believe me, it will work. you may have to adjust the dosage to what you need because everyone is different, but anti-depressants do work. there are options without insurance. The ER of a hospital is one.

I did hte zploft for 2 months...nothing, I dont think.
Sorry for all the post (answers) my somputer is going nuts and keeps shutting down.

[colbe]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

brittzak;727055 wrote: Colbe,
I was depressed and drinking made it 1000's worse. You can't take medication for it if you are drinking. It is kinda like chasing your tail....you go in little circles. You drink to make thedepression go away, but the alcohol makes the depression so much worse. You have to get enough AF days to see clearly. I KNOW easier said than done. Keep trying...

Ok, on this one...YES, I do know this. So I do not completely blame Zoloft for not working as I slip and fall all over the place, you are correct...and a reason that the script sits in my purse.

[colbe]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

Reading htese...I sound drunk...I REALLY AM HAVING COMP probs!, not that I am AF right now...but just not as bad as it may seem. The depression is worse (and I am a crappy typer).

Ok, now what? I think I am sabatoging (no idea hoe to spell that) my relationship so that HE does not suffer...this is all me, all my fault (not my fault to me...but to everyone else...the small thread of self confidence I still have).

As this night progresses, not in a drunck way but an emotional one, it is getting worse...please help.

[puddytat]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

depends on the individual

Colbe, it can be one or the other. For me: depression absolutely, unequivocally came first. From early childhood on:
[*]When I was 17, the lights came on at the first sip of alcohol. A beautiful, warm, incandescent light that felt like a glow I'd never before experienced. And an easy way of being in the world of people.When I was 26, the lights really came on after taking Zoloft (an SSRI) This time, it was like Super Bright STADIUM LIGHTS! I could function for the first time; think clearly, connect a little with others, make tracks in my career... and for the first time I felt hope.
(Granted, I agree that SSRI anti-depressant drugs are WAY over prescribed. But they are a lifesaver for those of us with the true organic disorder. SSRIs are selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors: it only works if your serotonin is being 're-uptaken'! It fixes a broken 'gate' or 'valve'. If you don't have the problem (i.e. a broken 'gate' or 'valve') -- well, you won't feel the effect.)

Clinically depressed people turn to something: maybe alcohol, maybe other drugs, maybe (very often!) fundametalist rigid religiosity. (I learned this when I worked at Eli Lilly -- the pharmaceutical company that invented of Prozac, the 1st SSRI: extreme, rigid religiosity is the first defense against depression. )
And I believe it.. from what I've seen in my own family.)

Anyway, that's my 2-cents :cents

[colbe]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

puddytat;727083 wrote: Colbe, it can be one or the other. For me: depression absolutely, unequivocally came first. From early childhood on:[*]When I was 17, the lights came on at the first sip of alcohol. A beautiful, warm, incandescent light that felt like a glow I'd never before experienced. And an easy way of being in the world of people.When I was 26, the lights really came on after taking Zoloft (an SSRI) This time, it was like Super Bright STADIUM LIGHTS! I could function for the first time; think clearly, connect a little with others, make tracks in my career... and for the first time I felt hope.(Granted, I agree that SSRI anti-depressant drugs are WAY over prescribed. But they are a lifesaver for those of us with the true organic disorder. SSRIs are selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors: it only works if your serotonin is being 're-uptaken'! It fixes a broken 'gate' or 'valve'. If you don't have the problem (i.e. a broken 'gate' or 'valve') -- well, you won't feel the effect.)

Clinically depressed people turn to something: maybe alcohol, maybe other drugs, maybe (very often!) fundametalist rigid religiosity. (I learned this when I worked at Eli Lilly -- the pharmaceutical company that invented of Prozac, the 1st SSRI: extreme, rigid religiosity is the first defense against depression. )
And I believe it.. from what I've seen in my own family.)

Anyway, that's my 2-cents :cents

BUT HOW DO YOU QUIT WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE ENDING?!

[puddytat]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

I don't know, Colbe, hun. I really, really don't know. I'm not making it. But, hey, lost 5 lbs of weight last month!! Have gotten many compliments. the reason? Couldn't keep food down while drinking heavily. SO, gotta get my ass in gear (per trlgs) Or END IT, which is what I pray for (but have people counting on me to stay alive. ... which is why I'm still here.)

Colbe, Stay around for your daughter. she'll be an adult in the blink of an eye (5-6 yrs, right?) and your BF. please?

[sunshine_gg]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

Whoa ladies... back up here.

Colbe... hon... you have every right to be depressed right now.. you're having an AWFUL hand dealt to you. ANYONE would be depressed and feel like crap. Alkie, normie, sane, eccentric, ANYONE. Putting AL into an emotionally charged situation is nasty business and you know that. Have you tried putting your thoughts on paper? If you feel like you can't dump on hubby anymore, can you at least put it down for yourself? It may sound silly, but I OFTEN write down how I feel and what I'm thinking. Getting it onto paper (screen) and off my chest is one benefit. Being able to LOOK at it once it's written down (saved), perhaps take a step back and look at it again and then put it in perspective, is a HUGE benefit. Other than that... pester the hell out of the help lines... at least for right now. Or call me (still got my number?).

Now, PUDDY!
What's going on with you? Please PM me anytime if I can help in any way! You don't sound good and there's GOT TO BE a better way!

Big :l to both of you.

[reneesmiles]

AL because of Depression, or the other way around?

Colbe I can't say I am AF or cured at all. But I can say that I won't stop fighting for me or my children. You know that next morning feeling? Right? You're an alcoholic so you must. That "I fucked up again and again and again and I am just a freakin' failure and should just put a gun to my head" feeling? Well I really try to start each day fresh.... like yesterday never happened. (Okay so I know it did happen and I drank when I didn't want to because I have a neurobiological disease that won't let up....) I just try to take it day by day and KNOW that I am doing the very BEST I can right now. I know I hide things, I know I am not the most respectable person on the planet.... I know I feel like a piece of shit. But I also KNOW that I don't want this. If someone could give me medication like they do for other diseases that have CURES, I would take it in a minute. I have to remind myself that I am not a bad person. I have an illness.... an impulse control issue that needs attending to. And that there IS hope. Naltrexone, or Vivitrol (in injection form), or any other anti-craving medications ARE out there.

I spent $6500 for a treatment program that I am in. It's not working the way I want it to. But it IS helping. Not everyone has that type of money. But there are lots of resources on here (look at The Sinclair Method), and just know that you are not alone and so many of us feel the same way you do. I swear, I've asked myself WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME???? a thousand times.

What is wrong with me is I have a Neurobiological disease that is totally resistant to most interverntions. So... I must explore.... keep an open mind... and most importantly, love myself through this. I am NOT a bad person. I am NOT a fuck up. There is something going on in my brain that I cannot control. Period.

Give yourself a break and give yourself a hug. You are doing the very best you can. Don't ever give up, because then you become one of those freakin' statistics, and you are more than a statistic. You are just a human being struggling like the rest of us.

Many Blessings,
Renee