Some Thoughts On Friendship

[tawnyfrog]

I have been here for 7 months. When I joined, I was extremely sad - perhaps even desperate. I embraced most aspects of the programme and gradually developed a comfortable on-line relationship with other members.

Over time, a few names stood out and I felt a closer bond forming and I actively engaged in a more vigorous dialogue - both in chat and through posts.

Things have changed dramatically. Yes, my drinking is now at an acceptable level but more importantly, I am proud and privileged to have taken taken some friendships off-line and into my private "real" world. I have a genuine love for my friends who have enriched my life to a previously unimaginable level. We are in daily contact, sharing our laughter and tears. We exchange emails, photos and gifts. We look out for each other.

Life has, and always will have, sharp edges. But my friends have, jointly, wrapped me in a much stronger suit of armour. And for that I will continue to love them.

Tawny

[lushy]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

I agree Tawny. I am just starting to make friends here and they all bring me a lot of smiles. Thanks for the post.

[berhk]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

Beginnings

The friends I have made here are a substantial part of what has made this program successful for me. As RJ says again and again, you take from this what you need, it is customizable; it is different for everyone. And I am so grateful that what she has created and continues to work so hard for benefits so many.

I was, as I imagine most people are, in a difficult and fragile place when I first ventured here in June. Deer in headlights may be clich? but it?s appropriate nonetheless. I nervously wrote my first post explaining my situation and had a kind and thoughtful reply. I closed my eyes and slipped into the chat room (having never been in a chat room in my life) and was immediately welcomed and cheerfully embraced. No judgments, just a genial atmosphere of mutual support.

Neither one of these things stopped the drinking but they certainly helped me open a door and feel like there was a family I could join to begin the journey ? in my own way/in my own style - which for me has always been one of the hallmark attractions of this program.

Had this not been the case, I know I would not have been able to stay or to find the courage to do what I needed to do.

I hope that this can remain a place of peace and support so that others can find their way in.

-Beryl

[Annie]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

Thank You

Tawny, I am so amazed. I read your post and thought, what a great honour it would be to be your friend. I did not notice my private message at that point! Thank you so much for sending me a message and without wanting to sound sooky, just thanks for being here.

[eustacia]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

dear tawny--

your post is so beautiful. i feel so happy for you and for everyone lucky enough to count you as their friend.

glad tidings, e

[vinophile]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

Wonderful post Tawney,I hope the newbies will be heartened by it.
The support,friendship and gentle accountabilty are what works for me.
Janet

[fsophiah]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

This is one of the nicest threads I have seen since I have been coming here in June. Beryl's post echoes my feelings exactly. There is so much our lives that we have hidden from those around us, and it is such a relief to know that we can find friends with whom we can share our lives honestly. I have done things in the last four months that I could not have imagined last spring. I have just completed a month of sobriety. I exercise on a regular basis. I think about my health. I feel great. I think about myself differently. And the world here is a place unto itself. It's not like I can say to my husband, "Wow. Becca ran a marathon," and he would understand or even care. But we do. And we are changing our lives together.

Here's something I can share with you and ask advice about. My son Matt is in a band, not a garage band, but a real band--you could buy his CD on itunes. Last spring his bass player and partner, Steve, was in a motorcycle wreck, had been drinking, and was badly injured. Someone in the car was injured as well, and so he has some serious legal problems as well as some lifelong injuries. Matt has a good support system, but Steve doesn't. Matt has always felt responsible for Steve, who has fancied himself a kind of Svengali over Matt for over ten years. It's a complicated relationship, but now Steve may end up in jail because his lawyer wants $5000 by next week. Matt's wife has made some money in the mortgage business lately, and Matt has asked her for the money, which she has refused to give him. I could afford to loan him the money (knowing I might never get it back), although there are a lot better ways I can think of to spend $5000. One of the reasons I feel moved to help is that I have recently inherited money, along about the time I discovered MYO, and this accident was alcohol related, and I feel moved to pass on the help I have received to someone who is in need and could otherwise end up in jail. I feel sorry for the guy. There is a long history there. I have done things for him before, and he has never shown much gratitude. So it's not because I love him but because I feel grateful for the gift I have been given here and want to pass it on. Let me know what you think. I'm glad I hit this thread today. Sorry to go on so long. Thanks, Tawny. As always, you bring your warmth, wit, and brains to this large feast. (It's cooling down in Dallas. Is it warming up in Oz?)

[Bambino]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

shopia, this is a right difficult one..

How old is Matt? Could he afford to pay you back? - but from what I gathered you are not sure whether he would, if he could afford or not.

I don't know... It isn't your son that is in trouble, and I know FOR SURE that my mum and dad wouldn't pay ?2500- especially if drink had been involved.

Keep us updated - and discuss it though .... This is a right heart string puller isn't it. :h

Lots of love
liz


P. S But - The repercussions that may result could be dreadful..
xxxxxx

[Waves 2]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

This is a lovely thread because it is all so true. I echo every sentiment expressed.

Waves 2:h

[cv1]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

fsophiah, you articulated very well what you wanted to do and why, with your eyes wide open. Since he has not been grateful before, perhaps he won't appreaciate and learn from your generosity this time, unless you put it with a promissory note and a guarantee to repay you.

You're decision is yours of course, and you need to do what you feel best doing. I hope the right answer comes to you.:l

[fsophiah]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

Thanks for your feedback, cv. As a teacher, I am sensitive to the "teachable moment," which I think Steve is experiencing, but I also have my own sort of "pay it forward" feeling about this as well. It was this thread about friendship and gratitude that reminded me of this puzzle in my life and why I feel called upon to respond in this way, which is pretty extreme. It's one thing to say thanks to RJ and quite another to give $5000 to a drunk to keep him out of prison. I guess I'm calling on my friends here to tell me whether this is over the top.

[lushy]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

fsophiah, there is another thread with your name on it where a couple of us gave you our humble opinions.

[fsophiah]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

Where? I'm looking all over the place!

[Waves 2]

Some Thoughts On Friendship

On general discussion