Day 12: depression/despair/suicidal thoughts normal?

[Gearhead]

On day 12 af. Physically I feel great. Mentally I feel hopeless, lots of stuff going on w work, money, and family. Tough times and I know AL is not the answer. Any experienced morbid depression while detoxing?

[Cathy40]

Day 12: depression/despair/suicidal thoughts normal?

Hi gear, cant offer any advice unfortunately but hey! you have 12af days under your belt. Things will look up fairly shortly for you I hope!

[My New Beginning]

Day 12: depression/despair/suicidal thoughts normal?

Congrats on day 12! :goodjob: One step at a time and things will get better. I think it takes awhile for the brain to settle down a bit. Best of luck to you!

[Emmy]

Day 12: depression/despair/suicidal thoughts normal?

:goodjob: Hey Gearhead , we have the same amount of AF days !! :l.... I've being feeling pretty good , but do have a headache today , maybe its the weekend coming up , weekends are the hardest for me :h .. hang in there , reading the posts help me alot

[puddytat]

Day 12: depression/despair/suicidal thoughts normal?

Gearhead, That you've quit in the midst of work / money / family troubles is a testament to your character.

YES, the early off-AL days are HORRID! And as much as I 'get' the psycho-physio reasons (your brain receptors destined for natural neurotransmitters were plugged with AL, so neuro-transmitter production shut-down .... absent AL it takes awhile to get natural neuro-transmitter production up-to-speed) O.K. ... GET IT, GOT IT!!! but can't STAND IT.

This bio-chemical adjustment FEELS like hopelessness.

It isn't hopeless... not that your poor addled mind can take this in now.

go gently Gearhead.

[RedThread12]

Day 12: depression/despair/suicidal thoughts normal?

Yes, Gear, a few weeks ago I took Campral before I was abstinent (doc's recommendation) to break a deep spiral down into relapse, and noticed that I was googling "Campral and suicide" a few days later. So I know the feeling. Lasted about three weeks for me.

I gave myself permission to take a lot of time to read and research all the options and kept letting my mental state/body (NOT my intellect!) direct my choices. That allowed me to come up with a "way out" that is working for me - in spades, so far.

All I can think of to say to you is to quote Winston Churchill (I think!). "Never give up. Never, never, never give up."

And speaking of Winston Churchill, he was a depressive alcoholic who, in the meantime, managed to save the free world. So we never really know what the big picture is, do we?

So sorry that you are going through this discomfort and challenge. Wouldn't it be great if we could just say, "I want to be sober," and POOF, we were sober! Or would it?

Sending you strength and clarity for your journey.

[IAD]

Day 12: depression/despair/suicidal thoughts normal?

Gearhead.....check out you Doctor, telling him you are showing signs of Depression ( don't tell him about the booze .......he might Rx some anti depressent ...ie: Zoloft. Prozac....etc. I take Zoloft, helps me out.) IAD.

[fickle]

Day 12: depression/despair/suicidal thoughts normal?

Hey Gearhead,
How is your diet and are you getting any exercise?

I did have that experience in the early AF days and one thing that helped a lot was oils - get as much oil into your diet as you can in the form of salad dressings - I was so desperate I actually had spoonfulls of the stuff and it cured me quickly. I'm not sure why exactly but our guts get really bad from drink & neglect and somehow the oil brings things back - I had combinations of sesame, olive, flaxseed, hemp, pumpkin and various other seed oils - look in the wholistic healing section there are people there who can help.

Also, I found RJ's amino acid combo really helpful with my moods.

Well done on the 12 days AF!! Hope you are feeling better soon - I know how complicated life can be

[JackieClaire]

Day 12: depression/despair/suicidal thoughts normal?

:goodjob: Gearhead on 12 days,

It was about 14 days AF I hit a real low. Looking back I was on such a high from being AF that feeling down felt awful. I started exactly the same thread as you. But thank God I didn't drink on it.

It will soon pass. Good idea from IAD about a quick word with the doc though.

I posted somewhere yesterday that just because I'm sober I can still be a grumpy old bag at times.

Sorry a bit of jumble there but I've just woken up.

Good luck.

:goodjob: Emmy on you 12 days.

Love Jackie xxx

AF since 7/7/2009

[brittzak]

Day 12: depression/despair/suicidal thoughts normal?

Depression is normal YES, but not to the point of suicidal thoughts. That is not normal ever. Since you are aware that you are depressed, why not seek some help. There is no shame in it. I did and once I FINALLY found the right anti-depressant (took 4) I feel so much better. Why go through life depressed? COngrats on day 12, you should be proud.

[spedteach]

Day 12: depression/despair/suicidal thoughts normal?

I've learned something in the past couple of months. Being af does not make all my "stuff" go away. In fact for me, I was drinking so I wouldn't have to deal with all that stuff. I've been af for 60 plus days now and yes it does sometimes feel likes things are getting better but sometimes it feels like things are worse. Somebody on this link quoted Winston Churchill. I've got one of his quotes on my refrigerator. "If you're going through hell, keep going...". When I am feeling down, hopeless, blue as I am this morning I just wait it out. I know for me it's not going to last forever. It's going to be uncomfortable but it's not going to kill me. And drinking to make it go away...well, we all know where that would lead.
Hang in there all.
spedteach

[fickle]

Day 12: depression/despair/suicidal thoughts normal?

Sorry, I was a bit quick above.. this is a very serious subject.

I agree with others that part of the initial AF experience is extreme highs and lows, the lows feeling even more extreme after the highs. Lets face it, many of us experience AL as a mood leveller and self-medicate through tough parts of life to stay on an even keel. If your life is still messy, then the emotional states you are in will be raw and hard to handle. If AL was still an option you would not be here.

Suicidal thoughts are definitely NOT a thing to trifle with so if you are feeling that bad, get yourself to a doc to try some anti-depressants - in my experience at a fairly low dose zoloft can work to help stabilize moods. It doesn’t need to be a permanent thing and can get you through some hard times. I used it for a chaotic period in my life where I felt particularly desperate (maybe 10 months) and then slowly titrated down when the drama in my life had calmed down and I felt able to tackle 'myself' better.

For fast relief I think there is nothing better than exercise. It may sound trite but I found I could pound out a lot of pain, hurt and frustration by running. The great thing about movement is you can allow your body to process your feelings in a natural way. Depression, to my understanding, is caused because we feel fear/anger which causes the fight/flight instinct which pumps us full of adrenaline. Adrenaline is poison which if it is kept in the body causes depression and illness.

Instead, if we feel the fear/anger/fight/flight we should be aware of how we feel and take the opportunity to walk out of the situation and go for a walk or a run. By using the adrenaline we unlock our body’s natural coping mechanism and allow the brain’s endorphins to flow. This is essentially our body’s own natural antidepressant mechanism.

Hope this helps.