Taking Responsibility

[hippie37]

Taking responsibility for my actions was not something I was very good at in the past. I always sought out blame somewhere for my lapses and relapses. It was always somebody elses fault or a situation I found myself in. After a while I would usually turn this blame inwards on myself.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that we cannot continually blame others or ourselves for our faults if we are to continue to grow and get out of that vicious cycle of blame. Even when we are blaming ourselves for our lapses etc we are still in that mindset of blame and not responsibility. We have to accept that we ourselves had a choice to pick up a drink. We need to take responsibility for those actions and not bury our heads in the sand or fall into this perpetual habit of blame. It is no use saying "Shit I messed up!" then not take any kind of responsibility for that and just jump 'back on the wagon' still feeling guilt or shame. If we do we have missed the most important learning process through that choice we made to pick up again; that of becoming responsible adults and taking full responsibility for our actions.

So don't bury your head in the sand, blaming everyone else and every situation, using it to your advantage because you can't take responsibility for YOUR own actions. Put down the big stick and stop beating yourself up too and just accept and 'own' the fact you chose to drink. Believe me, it will make life a lot easier in the future when you can learn to take responsibility for yourselves.





Love and Light
Phil
xx

[Heavenly]

Taking Responsibility

You are so right .... to shift the focus from drinking per se .... I used to blame everyone for everything that I PERCEIVED was wrong in any way, shape or form ..... I never took responsibility ...... taking responsibility takes a lot of hard work and courage ...... thanks for the reminder of more hard work I still need to do ..... it never ends

[Sheepish]

Taking Responsibility

VERY interesting post Hippie. Especially the idea of 'blame v. responsibility', especially when referring to oneself. I have always "blamed myself" for my drinking behavior- mistaking that self-blame for 'taking responsibility'. I think in blaming myself for my actions - I give myself permission to beat myself up and take myself to task and shake my finger in the mirror and say 'Idiot- well you won't be doing that again'. And that blame both allowed me the veneer of 'taking responsibility' and yet- I have not been changing anything. I mean I was acknowledging I did something bad right? Isn't that enough? For me- I think it may be the 'click' moment here. BLAME IS USELESS.

Blaming oneself v. taking responsibility for oneself. Subtle but powerful difference.

For my mind- I think the word responsibility has a much more significant and positive meaning. Responsibility infers understanding and a pro active stance- LEARNING from what was done.... IE- why did I drink so much at that dinner party? What will I do different next time to prepare myself to be AF? VS inner voice saying 'Sheep- you dolt- you know you are not supposed to drink that much. You fucked up. You better not do that next time or I will beat you up again!'. Cycle continues.

Hmmmm- will have to chew on this for a bit.
Thank you
-Sheep

[dancelot]

Taking Responsibility

That is the absolute truth. Until you actually do it, there really is very little chance of truly moving forward.

[hippie37]

Taking Responsibility

Heavenly;734598 wrote: You are so right .... to shift the focus from drinking per se .... I used to blame everyone for everything that I PERCEIVED was wrong in any way, shape or form ..... I never took responsibility ...... taking responsibility takes a lot of hard work and courage ...... thanks for the reminder of more hard work I still need to do ..... it never ends

I am ALWAYS right Heavenly!!lol (or should I re-phrase that and say; my ego is ALWAYS right!!)

It does take hard work and courage as you rightly say and I think Sheepish has explained the point I was trying to make perfectly. It seemed logical to an alcoholic like me to look for some sort of blame even when that fell squarely on my own head. So out would come the gun and I'd want to blow my brains out! (metaphorically speaking of course!) This would only induce loathing and self pity whilst trying to get my act together again. This in turn got me attention and 'pats on the back' of how sorry people were to hear I'd screwed up again. That kind of 'kiss it better' attitude does nothing for my personal growth apart from put a band aid over the wound till it inevitably happens again. To break that cycle is very hard because it's behaviour that has got me attention all my life. It takes courage to stand up and be counted for one's actions.

Thanks for the insight Sheepish.

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[scrubbly]

Taking Responsibility

thanks for the reminders, all who posted.

Reminds me of the old AA adage...if we allow ourselves to wallow in self-pity, self-blame, or other self-defeating behaviors...

"POOR ME, POOR ME, POUR ME ANOTHER ONE."

:thanks: Hipster

[caysea]

Taking Responsibility

Hi All
Great post Hippie!! Very powerful word Responsibility. In the past i held a job and raised a family very responsible in certain aspects of life. Very irresponsible in the use of alcohol for what ever reasons in my adult life.
I am, thought I, a responsible person look at what I accomplish even though I abuse alcohol. Because of this I can't be an alcoholic.
I am an alcoholic will always be. I now am a responsible person in regards to drinking.
I DON"T DRINK.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08