fsophiah

[Waves 2]

I didn't want to post this in the other thread because it was such a lovely one about friendship and what I am going to write may not be appropriate.
However, you did ask for people's views.

I think it's great that Bambino has been given back her licence. Steve may not be so lucky and has probably been overly punished for his drink-driving. However, I wonder why his wife is not willing to support him. Does she know something you don't? You say he has not been particularly grateful in the past for kindnesses. I can understand that having had help yourself you would want to help someone else. I just would not like to give so much of my money to a lawyer.

I am afraid that I believe that there are more worthwhile causes. Every day a young person with Cystic Fibrosis dies because no cure has yet been found and it affects one baby in the UK every day (probably more in USA). Becca is running for breast cancer research tomorrow...

My family has been affected by both these terrible diseases so I am extremely biased as I have watched and am watching too much suffering of innocents. I feel sorry for Steve but $5000 could help a lot more people than one.

I'm sorry if this post hurts or upsets anyone.
Waves 2

[lushy]

fsophiah

Boy, that is a tough one, but I have no tolerance for people that are not grateful. You bailing him out might not cure his problem; maybe he needs the punishment of what he did. My opinion would be to do something more worthwile with your money. Sometimes people need to learn a really hard lesson before that can "get it." I applaud Matt's wife for saying no. My two cents.

[fsophiah]

fsophiah

Okay, now I've found you on this thread. I applaud Matt's wife too. Steve doesn't have a wife. He had two, and they both left him. I guess my reason for going to you guys is that I never drank drunk, never got in trouble with the law, never lost anything. I don't know whether a hand up makes a big difference or not. And yeah, I've lost two friends to cystic fibrosis, so I know--I do know--what that means. But I've never had the immediate need of someone this close possibly going to prison because of a disease that I have experienced--that we have all experienced. As I said on the other thread, I am thinking of this as a "pay it forward" kind of thing. An enormous one, and of course, my feelings are not hurt. I'm trying to keep my feelings out of it entirely. It's a moral conundrum for me.

[Waves 2]

fsophiah

I still say no. Don't do it. By all means arrange a function to raise money and awareness of his plight. In our local area a young man was paralysed in Ibiza while on holiday. He fell in a fountain because he was drunk. He had no insurance. ?10,000 was raised in a matter of weeks to bring him home just through small local events. You would still be paying on but through activity rather than just giving. Worth a thought? A sort of charity musical event for a local musician in trouble?????

[Bambino]

fsophiah

re-posted

Thought I would re - post this because I think it a thread that need serious dicussion, and I posted on a thread, that was not relevant . have also amended it slightly.

Sophia, this is a right difficult one..

How old is Matt? Could he afford to pay you back? - but from what I gathered you are not sure whether he would, if he could afford or not. And his wife obviously thinks that the payment is not worth it.

I don't know... It isn't your son that is in trouble, and I know FOR SURE that my mum and dad wouldn't pay ?2500 for
' my mate'- especially if drink had been involved.

And I agree with the sentiments - that you have to FACE the punishment - I have learned the hard way. It is the ONLY way. If my parents could have bailed me out, then there has been no lesson - and what about the other person who is injured... Surely he deserves justice.

May I ask... Why does he need 5K - does that get the offence deleted, or is that just for a lawyer?

Keep us updated - and discuss it though .... This is a right heart string puller isn't it. :h

Lots of love
liz


P. S But - The repercussions in your intervention ( financially ) may result in catastrophe. - I know you said your son is close to Steve - but I have learned the hard way - and the best way... Learning curve. Part of life.
xxxxxx