3 beers in

[wineilove]

I am here again (and I am still drinking) - I am back because I like this site and besides my internet is always on so I might as well make the best of it. I am on my second beer tonight (terrible !! but not that bad for me). At this time "midnight", I usually am up between 9-12 beers and 3 or more wine drinks. I had a beer at 7:00 AM and felt sick all day. This site does something special and I haven't figured it out yet - perhaps people just thinking or reading about someone and wishing them well creates a small change in the drinker. I am going to cut down to 1 beer tomorrow. I do not want to drink, but when I attempted to quit before, I think I had a seizure (I also saw the floor at the side of my bed become a sea or snakes so real I was afraid to step down even though I knew it wasn't real) It seemed so real. I had panic attacks so severe that I thought I was feeling ghosts all around me - I was too afraid to get out of the bed and go to the bathroom thus stayed awake all night wanting to use the bathroom but was too terrified. Quitting created me to go insane and that scared me more than drinking itself. So, I am going to cut down to 1 or 2 beers and then taper down to a stop mode. If anyone ever had a panic attack in this forum would know the feeling worse than death (or so I feel) of course since i have never came close to death it is a figure of speech only. I crashed a bike twice (bicycle) since I was too drunk to drive (it doesn't work and I broke many bones both times). I have had mornings to where I couldn't remember what I ate for dinner the night before. I am tired of living like this - "always" in a state of fear that someone that knows me will smell alcohol on my breath (daily). Good news is I no longer ride a bicycle when I drink (I only walk; learned that lesson in life) and I don't think I have ever driven a vehicle after a sip of anything alcoholic. I spend close to $250 a month on alcohol and it's at times, more than that, so the extra money would be nice as well. I am afraid that I cannot quit (I tried and as you already read, it made me go into a temporary insanity mode). I did quit for 15 days but my sister in law gave me 2 small cider beers and poof!!!, I was at it again. I tried just one beer and I was up all night tossing and turning and thought my body would explode. It was horrible and made me feel I am damn if I do drink and damned if I don’t. Everyone I confided in said, it will all pass and it does until I start drinking again. I do believe in God and do not blame him and why should I, but would like his help - it seems like he is far away when I struggle the most. I do not drink hard liquor (but beer, wine etc. and to me alcohol is alcohol regardless of what type) and yes, I have come to the conclusion that I am an alcoholic since (a) I cannot stop and (b) I drink a lot every night for over 26 years.
Please, as you read this and if you are a believer, ask God to step into my life and create a positive change in my struggle with alcohol "I am in it to win it" and there is no other alternative. :new:

[sunshine_gg]

3 beers in

Welcome (back) wine :l

Prayer said and strong vibes on their way to you. You are obviously dealing with pretty severe withdrawal symptoms - have you considered involving your physician? From what you are describing, it doesn't sound like quitting on your own may be safe for you.

Whatever you decide, please stick around here. Join us in the Newbie's Nest, read and jump in wherever you feel something resonates with you. Many of us (me included) didn't get it right on the first (fifth) try but if you keep trying, you WILL get there.

Wishing you strength and unbridled success!

[Miss October]

3 beers in

:welcome: wineilove,

Withdrawing from alcohol can be very dangerous. Please taper off slowly. While you are here please go to the "Need Help ASAP" forum and click on the first thread and read about alcohol withdrawl.

Here's a prayer for you.

"God of power and might, be with us as "Wineilove" struggles with alcohol addiction. You know, O Lord, how hard it is for us, as we're all being dragged down. Guide us and be with us, as we reach out to You for hope. Please bless us and keep us. Amen."

Please take care of yourself :l

[sunbird]

3 beers in

Wineilove,

Lots of prayers for you, and stay close and let us help you through this, as we in turn, were helped.

[LVT25]

3 beers in

"God of power and might, be with us as "Wineilove" struggles with alcohol addiction. You know, O Lord, how hard it is for us, as we're all being dragged down. Guide us and be with us, as we reach out to You for hope. Please bless us and keep us. Amen."

[wineilove]

3 beers in

Thank you

Thank you,

Last night was pretty bad, but I stuck with it. I did not sleep as much as I wanted to or needed to - it feels like I did not sleep at all or what I remember of sleeping. I'll share some of the things (and this is a night that I had 2 large beers; one 7% and one 5%). I had the whole cold sweat think kicking in and the shakes but what really threw me was the hallucinations as they kicked in. First it was my blanket getting yanked from me over and over getting pulled off and then my pillow was puled hard from my hands and arms as if someone grabbed the end of it and pulled (i.e., it felt like a medium sized dog grabbed the end of my pillow and pulled it out of my hands as I was trying to sleep) when I pulled back, there it was, a pillow in mid air at 300 AM "in a completely dark room" and absolutely nothing at the other end pulling and when I snapped up "of course scared out of my wits" it just dropped. It was a pretty bad experience that I care never to have to go through again.

With prayer, I will beat this since I am not holding back what I am going through now. I heard the misquitos flying around and of course, it was like sound was amplified 10 times and they sounded like small planes.

Again, thank you for the words and I think I'll stick around here and really try this time. I couldn't even imagine being sober more than a month. I found one thing out and that is, if I have this severe of withdrawal sysmptions (after 2 large beers) than I will go for it tonight without none. If I go through the same things, I can deal with it (ghosts or no ghosts tugging at my pillow and blankets) I did forget to mention that even when I was typing a message at midnight, my right shirt sleeve was being yanked (thus, even while drinking, I am getting attacked) so what do I have to lose by attempting cold turkey. I do have some wine set aside in case the withdrawls get too bad.

-----------

sunshine_gg;736567 wrote: Welcome (back) wine :l

Prayer said and strong vibes on their way to you. You are obviously dealing with pretty severe withdrawal symptoms - have you considered involving your physician? From what you are describing, it doesn't sound like quitting on your own may be safe for you.

Whatever you decide, please stick around here. Join us in the Newbie's Nest, read and jump in wherever you feel something resonates with you. Many of us (me included) didn't get it right on the first (fifth) try but if you keep trying, you WILL get there.

Wishing you strength and unbridled success!

[wineilove]

3 beers in

Thank you

Thank you,

Yes, I was going to go cold turkey last night but decided to go with 2 large beers (it seemed like that didn't change anything)

Last night was pretty bad, but I stuck with it. I did not sleep as much as I wanted to or needed to - it feels like I did not sleep at all or what I remember of sleeping. I'll share some of the things (and this is a night that I had 2 large beers; one 7% and one 5%). I had the whole cold sweat think kicking in and the shakes but what really threw me was the hallucinations as they kicked in. First it was my blanket getting yanked from me over and over getting pulled off and then my pillow was puled hard from my hands and arms as if someone grabbed the end of it and pulled (i.e., it felt like a medium sized dog grabbed the end of my pillow and pulled it out of my hands as I was trying to sleep) when I pulled back, there it was, a pillow in mid air at 300 AM "in a completely dark room" and absolutely nothing at the other end pulling and when I snapped up "of course scared out of my wits" it just dropped. It was a pretty bad experience that I care never to have to go through again.

I know I am not crazy, but now I understand better how terrifying it can be to want to do the right think. I will taper off and have 1 beer or none tonight with an emergency drink set aside.

Miss October;736633 wrote: :welcome: wineilove,

Withdrawing from alcohol can be very dangerous. Please taper off slowly. While you are here please go to the "Need Help ASAP" forum and click on the first thread and read about alcohol withdrawl.

Here's a prayer for you.

"God of power and might, be with us as "Wineilove" struggles with alcohol addiction. You know, O Lord, how hard it is for us, as we're all being dragged down. Guide us and be with us, as we reach out to You for hope. Please bless us and keep us. Amen."

Please take care of yourself :l

[wineilove]

3 beers in

Ghosts in mind

I am still learning but I wanted to say Thank you all for the kind words, I was attacked last night in the worst way (I call it attacked, but going through withdrawals) and I wanted to share with you all of how it felt at (day 1 of trying to quit) with 2 large beers in my belly; my usual is 9-12 at this time of night so it was a severe cut back to say the least.

I do not or haven't believed in paranormal stuff much in my life until I attempted to quit drinking, the first few days without drinking felt like walking within inches of deaths door; I attempted to quit before.

Last night (actually morning) I get the full luxury deal with the hallucinations. At first there was no sleep to be had and the cold sweat kicked in. I felt like I had 12 cups of coffee in me when put my head on the pillow to sleep. At first, my blanket was getting yanked from me and then it was my pillow. It was pretty scary stuff and this is with drinking 2 large beers. I am angery now at the whole deal and i was scared and angery this morning when I got up with no sleep. From what I remember, I yanked back at my pillow and felt it (it was real) the pillow is like floating in mid air with a firm pull from the other side (it was, I think, around 3:00 AM) and I couldn't see anything but very scared since I have no children or mid sized dogs to do this and i couldn't see as well since the room was pitch black. So here is my pillow being tugged on and just floating there with a pulling feeling at the other end. That is when I got angery at this situation "scared yes" but also angery. I snapped up and pulled back very hard and it just dropped. Prior to that at midnight as i was typing a message, my sleeve was being yanked on, I would turn around and nothing was there.

We do have a very small dog (a miniature maultese) who when he looked at me, just looked past me growled and showed all of his teeth"over and over" as if something was standing behind me. This went on until I went to sleep and then he freaked out as the blankets were getting yanked off of me (at the other end of the room). He ended up under the bed after the lights were turned on. Also, as I was typing my message last night, I am facing an open window and there was a partial moon out. I knew the withdrawal symptoms were starting since I kept feeling something was watching from a distance but very clearly. Everytime I looked up and looked outside or went outside, I felt something was in the shadows "just watching" - I know this is all part of the terifying experiences that i will go through since I did go through them before when I attempted to quit. It is a very strang and scary thing to live through once, but I want to quit so badly, I am willing to go through all of it again.

I had the cold sweat and some shaking going on as well but now I am very angry with my mind. I am not crazy nor do I take much acception to the paranormal, but i know what I just went through and do believe that I felt what I wrote here; I do not take any meds.
Thank you all for listening and if i repeat myself "sorry" - I want a true account of me quiting. If I go through that much "scary stuff" at 2 large beers, I will trim it to one large tonight and trim to 1 small one and then quit (but for tonight, I will have them on stand by) - I am willing at this second try to go cold turkey but with an emergency kit nearby. It cannot get any worse than getting attacked last night.

Again thanks for listening and I am glad to get that off my chest.

:thanks:

-------------------------------------------------------

wineilove;736544 wrote: I am here again (and I am still drinking) - I am back because I like this site and besides my internet is always on so I might as well make the best of it. I am on my second beer tonight (terrible !! but not that bad for me). At this time "midnight", I usually am up between 9-12 beers and 3 or more wine drinks. I had a beer at 7:00 AM and felt sick all day. This site does something special and I haven't figured it out yet - perhaps people just thinking or reading about someone and wishing them well creates a small change in the drinker. I am going to cut down to 1 beer tomorrow. I do not want to drink, but when I attempted to quit before, I think I had a seizure (I also saw the floor at the side of my bed become a sea or snakes so real I was afraid to step down even though I knew it wasn't real) It seemed so real. I had panic attacks so severe that I thought I was feeling ghosts all around me - I was too afraid to get out of the bed and go to the bathroom thus stayed awake all night wanting to use the bathroom but was too terrified. Quitting created me to go insane and that scared me more than drinking itself. So, I am going to cut down to 1 or 2 beers and then taper down to a stop mode. If anyone ever had a panic attack in this forum would know the feeling worse than death (or so I feel) of course since i have never came close to death it is a figure of speech only. I crashed a bike twice (bicycle) since I was too drunk to drive (it doesn't work and I broke many bones both times). I have had mornings to where I couldn't remember what I ate for dinner the night before. I am tired of living like this - "always" in a state of fear that someone that knows me will smell alcohol on my breath (daily). Good news is I no longer ride a bicycle when I drink (I only walk; learned that lesson in life) and I don't think I have ever driven a vehicle after a sip of anything alcoholic. I spend close to $250 a month on alcohol and it's at times, more than that, so the extra money would be nice as well. I am afraid that I cannot quit (I tried and as you already read, it made me go into a temporary insanity mode). I did quit for 15 days but my sister in law gave me 2 small cider beers and poof!!!, I was at it again. I tried just one beer and I was up all night tossing and turning and thought my body would explode. It was horrible and made me feel I am damn if I do drink and damned if I don?t. Everyone I confided in said, it will all pass and it does until I start drinking again. I do believe in God and do not blame him and why should I, but would like his help - it seems like he is far away when I struggle the most. I do not drink hard liquor (but beer, wine etc. and to me alcohol is alcohol regardless of what type) and yes, I have come to the conclusion that I am an alcoholic since (a) I cannot stop and (b) I drink a lot every night for over 26 years.
Please, as you read this and if you are a believer, ask God to step into my life and create a positive change in my struggle with alcohol "I am in it to win it" and there is no other alternative. :new:

[1967]

3 beers in

wow this is pretty unbelievable!
i had no idea quitting could be so horrifying for some people.
i am especially concerned about how you describe your dog! lord!
maybe you are jerking your body and he is afraid you are being hurt?
wild!
the only thing i ever experience is in the night or while napping in the day (it can be a drinking period and i am trying to clean up my act or i've not been drinking at all for a while) i hear someone whisper my name.
it is a man. and it is so clear it wakes me out of a dead sleep and i wear earplugs.
it is really bloody weird. scares the crap out of me!

the last time i read your posts and there is research about hallucinations during alcohol withdrawals.
can you get a sedative or go to detox? it sounds like you should be in a hospital.
if that happened to me i'd never stop drinking! which is NOT the solution, clearly.
please be so careful as it seems you live alone!

[wineilove]

3 beers in

Still hanging on

Thank you,

I will drop to 1 beer tonight; it will be a large one with 7% alcohol. I was going through some serious pain last night but I am still here. I want to quit more than the fear and pain of the withdrawals but will head your advice.

I am an alcoholic though and not sure how I can have just one and call it quits (which is confusing since I am haveing these withdrawals so badely)

Miss October;736633 wrote: :welcome: wineilove,

Withdrawing from alcohol can be very dangerous. Please taper off slowly. While you are here please go to the "Need Help ASAP" forum and click on the first thread and read about alcohol withdrawl.

Here's a prayer for you.

"God of power and might, be with us as "Wineilove" struggles with alcohol addiction. You know, O Lord, how hard it is for us, as we're all being dragged down. Guide us and be with us, as we reach out to You for hope. Please bless us and keep us. Amen."

Please take care of yourself :l

[wineilove]

3 beers in

Thank you

Oh, yes, it is very scary and very real. I never heard voices before or in the present; that would shock me as well. Between sleep and awake, there was a matter of a few seconds that I saw a face and eyes (very close to my face) but it disapeared quickly. I believe 100% that I am experiencing hallucinations and will be over it. I'm not sure about my dog (he is a bit off) but whenever I get the chills down my back, it is like he is right there barking or showing his teeth at me. I did go to the doctor before and they did give me some muscle relaxers, but I still have alcohol in my system and am afraid I could go asleep and not wake up with the mix. I would rather deal with (fight back) the Ghosts than joining them.
I never take drugs (kind of alcohol is a drug), but I have no idea that not drinking is very much like taking drugs for the first few days.
-------------

1967;736857 wrote: wow this is pretty unbelievable!
i had no idea quitting could be so horrifying for some people.
i am especially concerned about how you describe your dog! lord!
maybe you are jerking your body and he is afraid you are being hurt?
wild!
the only thing i ever experience is in the night or while napping in the day (it can be a drinking period and i am trying to clean up my act or i've not been drinking at all for a while) i hear someone whisper my name.
it is a man. and it is so clear it wakes me out of a dead sleep and i wear earplugs.
it is really bloody weird. scares the crap out of me!

the last time i read your posts and there is research about hallucinations during alcohol withdrawals.
can you get a sedative or go to detox? it sounds like you should be in a hospital.
if that happened to me i'd never stop drinking! which is NOT the solution, clearly.
please be so careful as it seems you live alone!

[Miss October]

3 beers in

Dear wineilove,

In all honesty, you are scaring the crap out of me. I am no doctor, limited amount of a college education, but my common sense tells me you are tapering off TOO QUICKLY !! If you have no friends or family near by who can watch over you as you go through these horiffic withdrawl symptoms, you should really take yourself right over to the emergency room at the hospital.

Please DO NOT go cold turkey tonight. You made it through last night by the grace of GOD, and I pray to God that whatever you decide to do tonight, that he is by your side to keep you from any harm.

Please be very careful. Miss O.

[MissMerlot]

3 beers in

Dear wineilove,

I agree with miss o.Please even try and get an appt with your gp who may sort you out with librium or something.
I did cold turkey last night and was wakened from 2am with a panic attack,just overwhelmed with an irrational fear of nothing,the usual night sweats and stuff and too shaky and panicky to drive to the gp today but hoping tonight will be easier.
I spent last night thinking i was losing my mind and prayed and prayed that i would see the morning...
I understand how you feel but you suffer greatly with hallucinations.
My prayers will be sent your way tonight honey..
I start antabuse on sunday.
I need the help...

annie
day 1 again

beyond a joke

[wineilove]

3 beers in

Thank you all - just the caring attitudes make a "HUGE" difference. I think I did it, it is 1:15 AM and I did not have a drink of anything except water. I feel ok and think the worst of it was last night. I have a bottle on the side of the bed if I totally freak, but in a way, I want to feel the pain. At least I will know it is real...and real is quite ok with me. I have been so sick that I couldn't stop throwing up (that was a type of pain that I never want to go back to just to endure another session later) -One day at a Time and the prayers "hopefully will get me through it" God knows I can't do this alone. Over 26 years "daily" of drinking has taken it's toll, but waking up in good spirits will be worth the long wait to quit. I am an alcoholic and I cannot drink one beer and quit - I will be very careful and the hospital is a 3 minute walk away. If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi...

[wineilove]

3 beers in

Thank you

Hello Annie,

I saw a doc, and he filled me full of meds that were even worse than the mind tricks. I think you are the first person I spoke to that has been afraid of just the fear around you. I had no idea what the heck a panic attack was until I had one. I remember that I really had to use the bathroom (but would not or could not get out of bed because of the fear involved). I had to work the next day and it was midnight (I stayed up all night and like you prayed and prayed) and the sun finally came up and i knew i made it. I had a hard time with it because horrable images came into my mind. I saw images of people getting hurt "and i do mean in the worst way" around me and I told my wife (all the knives and sharp object "out of the house" now!!!) I was so afraid that I would go insane and hurt someone, but I also knew that something was tearing at my mind to think such terrible thoughts (irrational thinking is the worst thing "ever" to go through). My wife stuck with me and told me I would never hurt her (of course she was 100% right, but the feeling was so overpowering) We did go plastic for 2 weeks and i do mean everything sharp in the house was removed. I did confide in a doctor and that was when he gave me all these meds. ---I actually saw my wife in a "after stroke condition" face to my face in the seconds before you fully awake; that was the absolutely worst thing that I ever lived through because it was so real, I saw my wife standing over me one night and I was so terrified since I only saw shadows, I screamed and she screamed and when I held her, I told her that no matter what, I would never hurt her "but to see the fear in her face and know that I caused it was heart wrenching in itself". BUT...I got better when the initial fear factors were shot to bits in my battle back against the spirits, ghosts, demons or whatever they were; the bottle and trying to quit (I think it was all my mind playing tricks on me) - I WOULD NOT GIVE IN!!! I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN GIVE INTO FEAR. I started facing it straight on (and i do mean straight on) when I felt the panic attacks starting, I was like "bring it on" I would force myself up and walk on the snakes on the floor. I would force myself into the dark bathroom or the un-lit house; the ghosts all followed and were around every corner and behind every door and reflected in every glass. If they were going to kill me, then "bring it on" everything I was doing when I had a panic attack, I would do the exact opposite. If I was sitting, I would stand. If I was starting to fall asleep and they would start to attack me, I would get up and walk around (the exact opposite) and I did get better. Last night was a return unfortunately, but I am so sick and tired of the fear, again, I just gave up to the fear. I fight back now. Even last night, when my pillow was pulled from me and I had the pressure of the ghost pulling my pillow away from me (the pillow was just floating in the air - now that was pretty scary) I pulled back and (I know it sounds crazy) but yelled, just leave me alone!!! again, I was ready to fight - I call them ghosts because that is exactly how the feeling leaves me. One good thing about the hallucinations is I now think with a rational mind. If they are ghosts well, then they could be very busy bothering me for the next 30 or 40 years; but as I see it, it is my mind getting fixed by playing tricks. I was past the panic attacks and sweats etc. and i started drinking again. I am sweating a bit and will shake and sweat tonight and probably will not sleep much if at all, --I'm good with that, I would rather go through a ton of spirits than drink spirits and puke just to repeat it again when i woke up.

I saw a shrink and a doc and all they did was fill up big brown bags with meds that were worse than the hallucination, shakes and fear. The fear is controllable when I face the force of the storm straight on, dig my heels in and walk with the opposite force. I have God on my side and I truly believe He is in absolute control of the entire universe. Thanks for listening...

-----------

anniemac;737233 wrote: Dear wineilove,

I agree with miss o.Please even try and get an appt with your gp who may sort you out with librium or something.
I did cold turkey last night and was wakened from 2am with a panic attack,just overwhelmed with an irrational fear of nothing,the usual night sweats and stuff and too shaky and panicky to drive to the gp today but hoping tonight will be easier.
I spent last night thinking i was losing my mind and prayed and prayed that i would see the morning...
I understand how you feel but you suffer greatly with hallucinations.
My prayers will be sent your way tonight honey..
I start antabuse on sunday.
I need the help...

annie
day 1 again

beyond a joke