a little bit of my story to start. I’m a third generation alcoholic. my father was an angry violent drunk and our home a war zone. my brother sister and i all have some version of post traumatic stress syndrome. I have been in therapy for the most part of twenty five years and have the occasional bout of depression and regular nightmares (5-6nights a week). my brother is on a disability pension because he is simply unable to function in any kind of ‘normal’ way. he can’t hold down a job, form friendships or bond with emotionally with anyone other than me. my sister is able to hold down a job but unable to have relationships and friendships.
we are all scarred, and while I appear on the surface to be the most functional sibling I am also the only alcoholic. although, I seem to have managed to keep that secret.
when we were teenagers mum told us we may all become alcoholics or indeed marry alcoholics (many times – thanks mum) and one night she took us to an ALANON meeting. I was absolutely terrified that dad was going to bust into the meeting and violently drag us out so I went out the back to have a cigarette. I was shaking from head to toe and as I lit the cigarette and inhaled I remember having to rush to the toilet as I promptly vomited and shat myself. I swore then I wasn’t the one that would become the alcoholic. I didn’t have my first drink until I was 21.
I didn’t really start drinking drinking until my late 20’s and then I took to it like a fish to water. over the next ten years I gave up a few times. I tried naltrexone, acupuncture, chinese herbs, A.A., sheer will power and determination and have managed long periods of abstinence. this year for some reason after a long period of abstinence the craving for alcohol hit me in a way that it never has before. on a scale of 1 to 10 these cravings were 15. they woke me in the night. they infiltrated my dreams. instead of drinking beer and wine I drank whisky.
no amount of will power worked for me. no supplements worked. campral did not work. then I discovered this site. downloaded the book. ordered the supps. visited my doctor and began the topamax. it didn’t seem to be working for me so I plucked up all the courage I could and posted (yep like a lot of you here I too am shy) and your responses were like the best hugs I’d ever had.
so here I am FIVE WEEKS sober. feeling great! topamax even helps with nightmares –as in I’m not having them… I read about it on the bipolar site, some of the people on there talk about it!
I come here every day and read the posts. I rarely post myself but I am blown away by the level of compassion and openness that exists here. I am amazed at how many people consistently respond with insightful, kind responses, over and over again.
you are an amazing group of people. beautiful, giving, non-judgmental. this forum feels spacious, a great place to grow.
blessings and the best big hugs right back at ya d x
we are all scarred, and while I appear on the surface to be the most functional sibling I am also the only alcoholic. although, I seem to have managed to keep that secret.
when we were teenagers mum told us we may all become alcoholics or indeed marry alcoholics (many times – thanks mum) and one night she took us to an ALANON meeting. I was absolutely terrified that dad was going to bust into the meeting and violently drag us out so I went out the back to have a cigarette. I was shaking from head to toe and as I lit the cigarette and inhaled I remember having to rush to the toilet as I promptly vomited and shat myself. I swore then I wasn’t the one that would become the alcoholic. I didn’t have my first drink until I was 21.
I didn’t really start drinking drinking until my late 20’s and then I took to it like a fish to water. over the next ten years I gave up a few times. I tried naltrexone, acupuncture, chinese herbs, A.A., sheer will power and determination and have managed long periods of abstinence. this year for some reason after a long period of abstinence the craving for alcohol hit me in a way that it never has before. on a scale of 1 to 10 these cravings were 15. they woke me in the night. they infiltrated my dreams. instead of drinking beer and wine I drank whisky.
no amount of will power worked for me. no supplements worked. campral did not work. then I discovered this site. downloaded the book. ordered the supps. visited my doctor and began the topamax. it didn’t seem to be working for me so I plucked up all the courage I could and posted (yep like a lot of you here I too am shy) and your responses were like the best hugs I’d ever had.
so here I am FIVE WEEKS sober. feeling great! topamax even helps with nightmares –as in I’m not having them… I read about it on the bipolar site, some of the people on there talk about it!
I come here every day and read the posts. I rarely post myself but I am blown away by the level of compassion and openness that exists here. I am amazed at how many people consistently respond with insightful, kind responses, over and over again.
you are an amazing group of people. beautiful, giving, non-judgmental. this forum feels spacious, a great place to grow.
blessings and the best big hugs right back at ya d x
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