OK...I've been here for a while. Don't post much but now I'm frustrated. I'm taking baclofen and have the CDs. It has helped me an amazing amount. I know 2 days doesn't sound like much but it has made possible what I didn't think was possible....2 days alcohol free! I've been drinking every day for 10+ years (minus 9 months prego...still don't know how I made it that long with no problems!)
I've messed around with amounts of bac. Found that 10 mg with breakfast 20mg with lunch, 30 mg about 1 hr before I get home from work and then 10mg every 30 minutes starting at 6pm until I don't think about drinking works GREAT. In fact most night I only take 20 mg after the initial 30 before getting home. BUT then day 3 rolls around. I'm cranky, depressed and otherwise not myself. I always end up drinking...ahhhhh! I'm determined to get past this. This is the 3rd 2 day stretch that I've let myself down.
Seriously though, the 6 of the last 8 days that I've woken up without the feeling of "oh shit who did I talk to on the phone"..as I anxiously go through my call log on my cell, or "oh shit, did I do something to make my hubby mad", or "oh shit, what exactly DID I DO last night!" has been amazing.
Why can I easily and happily make it through 6 of 8...soon to be 6 of 9...mornings and not make it further!!!!
At day 2 each time I think I'm going to post about my accomplishments, only to disappoint myself. I keep thinking that I can't post as a loser as there are all these folks making it. BUT I'm thinking now that if I keep failing that there must be others who try and fail so F it. I'm putting it out there. I'm trying! I don't want to have another drink the rest of my life (yes I'm drinking wine right now!) and I'm determined to get to that point!
Yeah I'm wordy...sorry...at least you don't have to live with me
Anyway, I've decided just to put it out there....good days and bad days.
Today my husband left early for 1.5 days unexpectedly to go shoot. My first thought (at 6:30am) was yeah...I get to drink And then I thought, wait I'm NOT A DRUNK anymore so what do I do...so I took extra bac in the morning and throughout the day...I did manage to wait until 8pm to drink instead of 10 am on a Saturday w/o a husband around. So accomplishment, yes! and failure, yes! Ahhhhh.
I will make it. I will continue to post as I want to look back on Oct of 2009, remember how life used to be, and be happy how life has changed.
I will post 3 days from now that I made it 3 days AF. And if I don't make it...I'll post that too!!!!!
WantOut
Watch the movie The Secret...it will change your life.
I've messed around with amounts of bac. Found that 10 mg with breakfast 20mg with lunch, 30 mg about 1 hr before I get home from work and then 10mg every 30 minutes starting at 6pm until I don't think about drinking works GREAT. In fact most night I only take 20 mg after the initial 30 before getting home. BUT then day 3 rolls around. I'm cranky, depressed and otherwise not myself. I always end up drinking...ahhhhh! I'm determined to get past this. This is the 3rd 2 day stretch that I've let myself down.
Seriously though, the 6 of the last 8 days that I've woken up without the feeling of "oh shit who did I talk to on the phone"..as I anxiously go through my call log on my cell, or "oh shit, did I do something to make my hubby mad", or "oh shit, what exactly DID I DO last night!" has been amazing.
Why can I easily and happily make it through 6 of 8...soon to be 6 of 9...mornings and not make it further!!!!
At day 2 each time I think I'm going to post about my accomplishments, only to disappoint myself. I keep thinking that I can't post as a loser as there are all these folks making it. BUT I'm thinking now that if I keep failing that there must be others who try and fail so F it. I'm putting it out there. I'm trying! I don't want to have another drink the rest of my life (yes I'm drinking wine right now!) and I'm determined to get to that point!
Yeah I'm wordy...sorry...at least you don't have to live with me
Anyway, I've decided just to put it out there....good days and bad days. Today my husband left early for 1.5 days unexpectedly to go shoot. My first thought (at 6:30am) was yeah...I get to drink
And then I thought, wait I'm NOT A DRUNK anymore so what do I do...so I took extra bac in the morning and throughout the day...I did manage to wait until 8pm to drink instead of 10 am on a Saturday w/o a husband around. So accomplishment, yes! and failure, yes! Ahhhhh.I will make it. I will continue to post as I want to look back on Oct of 2009, remember how life used to be, and be happy how life has changed.
I will post 3 days from now that I made it 3 days AF. And if I don't make it...I'll post that too!!!!!
WantOut
Watch the movie The Secret...it will change your life.
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