Early Christmas dilemma!

[Pamina]

Early Christmas dilemma!

Geez, Marshy. I don't envy you. When you were at your parents' place and their drinking got out of hand, did you ever feel the pressure on you was unbearable? How did you extract yourself from those situations? My first reaction to your post was, don't buy them any booze. My second reaction was, is a week going to feel like a very long time? Would a long weekend be better? My third thought was, you need a plan B. Just like we need exit strategies from boozy public situations, you may need to alert a friend to your dilemma in case you need to crash out somewhere else at some point during this visit. I totally agree with the others that YOU and your sobriety come first. If you're feeling too iffy about the chances of success, tell them there's an outbreak of swine flu in your block and they'd best postpone til next year. (Well, yes, speaking your truth is the much better option, but I can see why you'd need to work your way up to that....)

[brittzak]

Early Christmas dilemma!

Marshy,
Sometimes when we are fighting for our own life...which is what we are basically doing in striving for sobriety...we have to think of ourselves FIRST! You are their child...why not just be honest? Tell them you are newly sober, you are still struggling and booze in the house will tempt you. It is just to much this early on. I would think any parent would want the best for their child. Tell them you know they like to partake and that you would like to give them a nice room where they can be themselves, but you will LOVE visiting with them. I wouldn't be hurt by that if my child needed me...I'd gladly oblige to either stay AF or take my booze elsewhere.

[nancy]

Early Christmas dilemma!

Hey Marshy

I am with AAthlete that your sobriety is more important. I was unclear though, do they know you don't drink at all anymore?

Any other relatives they could stay with? do you have a boyfriend you could stay with?

What a tough situation. One thing is clear though, you should not buy them booze. They could buy their own and store it in their room though it would be difficult to have them keep it in there, you know they would want to come out with it.

Are there any pubs nearby you could send them to? I also wonder if it's time to take a stand. It's too important.

Or can you make an excuse why you can't be there? they are there mainly for the shopping after all. You could say at the last minute you have to go out of town for work.

Hopefully you can spend the real holiday together right? You could go visit them and stay someplace near them?



Nancy

[Marshy]

Early Christmas dilemma!

Doggygirl;739695 wrote: When you meet that very special someone that YOU have an uncontrollable desire for, would you expect to do it on your parents sofa whenever you wanted????

:H:H:H Trust you to think like that!!! And, yes, OF COURSE I would :H:H

Pamina - a week wil feel like an eternity! But it would probably feel even longer if I didn't let them drink here. We'd all be on edge then!

Brittzak - my brother has a drink problem too (genetics, huh?), and when I was visiting him once with my parents, my mother told me he'd stopped drinking for a while and so there wouldn't be any alcohol on offer when we got there. So she understood that. But, we were only dropping by for an hour or so not a week!

Nancy - they do know I don't drink any more. But because they also have a drink problem, I feel that if I say they can't drink here it's tantamount to me saying "you're a couple of drunks" because I'm drawing attention to it.

No, I don't have a boyfriend. I'm gay. Don't have a girlfriend at the mo, though. I need to find one ASAP and stay at hers. That would thrill my parents even more than the drinking issue :H. Not.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Early Christmas dilemma!

Marshy I love your sense of humour.
My pennys worth if I were in your shoes would be to have a heart to heart with your folks soon and lay your cards on the table. Bottom line is put your sobriety first, if you cant have AL in the house then you must take a stand, it is your home after all. If you decide on this course of action why not tell all concerned that your house is now a AL free zone and while you would love them to visit and stay with you, you wont allow AL into the house.
Is it not possible for them to go to a bar when they want and drink their fill and still stay with you? Talking this over sooner rather than later will leave plenty of time for them to get used to the idea. I think in your heart you know that if this is an issue in october that you have to make the right choice. I wish you luck on whatever you decide. My family is such a cause of hassle at times over the daftest things but what can we do.

[Cathy40]

Early Christmas dilemma!

I completely understand!

Marshy, I know exactly where you are at. Heres my tuppence worth. My sis is a sober alcoholic, went into rehab 7 years ago. Somewhere between then and when he died in 2005, my dad needed a lot of hospital care, and when he went to hospital, mom was afraid of staying at home by herself. She tried to share out the care between us....staying in each of our homes for a night or two at a time...(my 4 siblings and I still live in our hometown). She didnt have a problem with AL, but she loved to have 3 small vodkas at bedtime to help her sleep. Sis totally, absolutely refused to have her drink in her house. She told mom "you are more than welcome to stay with me, but you cannot drink in my house". Mom felt more comfortable staying with her daughters,([I have one sis, and three brothers) so she used to come stay with me...most of the time.But my sister had no problems at all in telling Mom that she couldnt drink in her house. Im not sure about the hotel idea....it might work for now..but sometime during the next year, you are going to find yourself in the same position. I think it would be easier in the long term to explain to your parents that, whilst you appreciate that THEY dont have a problem with AL (tongue in cheek!), YOU do, and that your home is an AF zone. If they want to go to a pub and drink, thats fine, if they want to bring with them, on a daily basis, what they themselves need to drink, OK...then there wont be any left hanging around the next day to tempt you. But you need to keep putting your own sobriety and health above everything else. That should be your main focus, and if your parents are hurt or upset by you telling them "not in my house, please and thank you" then that is their problem....not yours.

[Minnie]

Early Christmas dilemma!

Marshy

It could even be that if you are straight with them they might actually be quite happy to be AF with you - perhaps they already know they have a problem. I have an adult son who drinks too much, like me, and we both find it impossible at the moment not to drink in each other's company. We need one of us to be the stronger one, which is what I'm trying to do. You never know, it could make your parents realise they need to change too ..............................

[gyco]

Early Christmas dilemma!

hi marshy ,i hope this helps,this will remind you of something.AF since Dec.2008,real change is difficult,and slow,and messy.oliver burkeman,in your 1st paragraph you mention what they,they ,they, want,what about what you want,it is your home,parents or no parents,it is one week that can destroy the rest of your life,if they want to drink,let them drink outside your home,out of respect for you,i beleive they would and can do that,AL will never go away,as you said difficult,the process to stay stopped is slow, and if you fall into your old habits it becomes messy for you,your sobriety belongs to you,and only to you,gyco

[rubywillow]

Early Christmas dilemma!

Gyco knows from whence he speaks. A very wise man.

[keeta]

Early Christmas dilemma!

Your home is supposed to be yor safe place. Your haven. (OK, in a perfect world, but you get my meaning, I hope)

Your sobriety should be protected, and respected, at least in your home Marshy. I would not stock any booze ahead of time. If they must drink, and you can't say "Please no drinking in my home", then atleast you haven't contributed and also had to look at it for days, hours, etc.

Definately a hard situation. You have lots of great advise. Please please, take care of YOU.

[want2Bsober]

Early Christmas dilemma!

Maybe if instead of a dry house, you kept a BYOB house for the duration of their visit? If they want to tipple, they need to supply their own habit. That's what I'd try anyway. I'd be real pleasant and cheerful, but what are they going to do? Say, "where's the booze?"

And if they do, you can always say, "oh, I don't buy it anymore" or something and change the subject.

Whatever your decision, good luck sticking with the path ... Sounds like otherwise you're doing great

[catch22]

Early Christmas dilemma!

[QUOTE=Marshy;739343]Brightlite - They know I've given up drinking, but I haven't ever told them I'm an alcoholic. It's a tricky area because they are problem drinkers/alkies themselves but have never acknowledged that so it's a bit of an elephant in the room situation.

Mashy, This is a hard one but if i was honest with you it is time to put the cards on the table they know you have given up drinking, now let them know why you have given up drinking. Who knows it might get them thinking them selfs.... good luck.x

[irish eyes]

Early Christmas dilemma!

Marshy, I would let them know why I was not drinking and give them the option of staying with me AL free or they stay in a hotel nearby. I would visit them daily.