Mummy's Boy

[hippie37]

I found myself again today feeling confused with how I feel surrounding my mum's failing health. Not more than a month ago she was admitted to hospital after suffering a minor stroke. Yesterday she was admitted with a mild heart attack (from what I can gather from reading on the net. maybe a knock on effect from the stroke). I love my mum to bits and still live with her at present. I have done so for nearly 2 years now since my previous relationship ended and I had nowhere else to live. She has always been there for me in the past no matter what. Yet I still managed to emotionally rape and blackmail her and bring her to the verge of a nervous breakdown. When my dad died back in 2003 she had no emotional support where I was concerned and I played on that. I held a lot of resentment towards my mum for my dad's death. I blamed her for not doing 'more' to prevent it or at least question the botched medical procedures I blamed for his worsening condition that lead to his death. I had just started getting on with my dad again, more so because I was realising I couldn't change him into the dad I wanted him to be. I was such a self-righteous prick at times I can understand why he got so frustrated with me.

My mum though I felt extremely close to. I can still remember when I used to phone home from London on the scrounge for a few bob. If my dad ever answered the phone I would immediately ask if my mum was there. I couldn't hold a conversation with my dad, but I could talk for hours on the phone with my mum! She probably knew in her heart what I needed money for as soon as I said "hello". Mum's have a sixth sense I believe! (well my mum does) Yet we still played out the scenario over the phone and I promised I would pay her back when I got my giro. Swore down things were going great and I was eating properly and looking after myself etc. She knew the kind of scene I was getting into involved a lot of drug taking, drinking and parties but she never knew just how deep into the drugs I was. I was good at hiding that from her.

I guess it's never easy returning to the family home after leaving at such an early age and gaining one's independence. There is a big part of me that is projecting to the 'what if's' and I somewhat feel guilty for feeling quietly confident about the umbilical cord being finally cut. It should of happened a long time ago but being so needy and sensitive as a child that was not gonna happen. I loved my mum too much to let go. So even my independence and self discovery as a late teenager had me still relying on my mum's emotional support to give me stability (I use that word loosely!!).

I feel I am ready to move on and gain my independence back, but at what cost? I love my mum with all my heart and she is the closest person I have left in my life right now. I am still building up relationships with my 2 brothers at the moment which due to my mum's stroke brought us a bit closer. I often think God has plans for my mum that will enable this bond between my brothers to continue through her passing. Or am I just being selfish and self centered here?

I think I just needed to put this down on 'paper' so as to speak. I am not able to go to the hospital just yet because of my own flu symptoms. I have chose to stay away from the meetings too, rather than pass this horrid infection on; choosing to phone my sponsor daily and have a chat with him instead. So feeling a little bit isolated and lonely I guess today. It will pass I know and I am asking for guidance and trying to let go.

Have a great day everyone
Love and Light
Phil
xx

[mario]

Mummy's Boy

its nice to write it down and get it out phil ,i find that helps.

[rubywillow]

Mummy's Boy

Phil, our relationships with our parents are SO complex - the need to establish our independence and the need to be their child. Having lost both of mine, I would love the chance to spend more time with them, and especially my mom because she and I didn't get along as well as Daddy and I did. Maybe this is your chance to be there, at least a while longer, and take care of HER a while. I don't believe you'll ever regret it. It can be a time to bring the family closer, and, as a mother myself, I'm sure that's all your mom really wants. She sounds lovely, Phil, and I'll keep her in my prayers. Feel better yourself, love. Don't overthink this thing. Let your heart lead you.
Rubes

[mario]

Mummy's Boy

rubywillow;740745 wrote: Phil, our relationships with our parents are SO complex - the need to establish our independence and the need to be their child. Having lost both of mine, I would love the chance to spend more time with them, and especially my mom because she and I didn't get along as well as Daddy and I did. Maybe this is your chance to be there, at least a while longer, and take care of HER a while. I don't believe you'll ever regret it. It can be a time to bring the family closer, and, as a mother myself, I'm sure that's all your mom really wants. She sounds lovely, Phil, and I'll keep her in my prayers. Feel better yourself, love. Don't overthink this thing. Let your heart lead you.
Rubes

well said rubywillow

[Heavenly]

Mummy's Boy

I am right behind you with this one .... know exactly where you are coming from .... may be a ''northern'' thing ?

[dancelot]

Mummy's Boy

Phil, Ruby says it so well. Prayers and love to you and your mother. Take care.

[scrubbly]

Mummy's Boy

:l Hipster....

As a mom (although my boys are still way young) I would say that I would probably rather see my boy gain his independence as a healthy man rather than have him stay by my side and in my house for longer. That would give me pride and give me the peace to know that he is going to be ok on his own after I am gone.


On a selfish note, thanks for the timing of your post. I've had a rift with my mom of late, and your post today prompted me to be the bigger person in our little spat and pick up the phone and make the first move to call her. Only left a message with dad, but the proverbial ice has been broken, and it's done. Thanks for giving me an unwitting push today that was needed.

:h

[startingover]

Mummy's Boy

Hipps, I have no advice really even though as you know I have been through life threatening illnesses with my mum recently too.
All I will say is that if your mum is anything like mine, your happiness and contentment will be her deepest wish.
Big hugs Hipps, I know this isnt easy at all......

[Spectra]

Mummy's Boy

Phil, I had a brother die a long time ago now - my biggest regret is I can't remember telling him I loved him. Don't let go the chance to let your Mum know how you feel go amiss.

As rule; the things in life I regret are the things I haven't done.

[catch22]

Mummy's Boy

[QUOTE=hippie37;740657]I

I often think God has plans for my mum that will enable this bond between my brothers to continue through her passing. Or am I just being selfish and self centered here?

No your not being selfish, im glad that you are bonding with your 2brothers, when my dad pass away that was the final ending, me, my sister and brother we all went our separate ways.... It took years for us to get back and bond together. Its ashame when i think back how much we could have lean on each other with a help in hand. My prayers for your mum, hope she returns home soon.x

[rubywillow]

Mummy's Boy

scrubbly;740995 wrote: :l Hipster....

As a mom (although my boys are still way young) I would say that I would probably rather see my boy gain his independence as a healthy man rather than have him stay by my side and in my house for longer. That would give me pride and give me the peace to know that he is going to be ok on his own after I am gone.


On a selfish note, thanks for the timing of your post. I've had a rift with my mom of late, and your post today prompted me to be the bigger person in our little spat and pick up the phone and make the first move to call her. Only left a message with dad, but the proverbial ice has been broken, and it's done. Thanks for giving me an unwitting push today that was needed.

:h

Scrubs, you'll never be sorry you called. You've done what I wish I could turn back the clock and do myself, but I'm so happy you've held out your hand. The loss of mother is the first real pain we ever go thru alone.:l

[irish eyes]

Mummy's Boy

Phil, your post is sad and thought provoking and I think it is only natural to think deeply when a parent u are close to is ill. All I can say is try not to procastinate, please God your Mom will recover and you all will have quality time together for some time. Take it one day at a time and yes I believe that God has a plan for your Mom and brothers and you and certainly that is not being selfish just insightful. Hope your cold gets better real quickly and u can go and visit her.:l

[hippie37]

Mummy's Boy

Thank you all for the kind words and pearls of wisdom. I found out this evening that it if things don't improve over the next week with the medication she is on, then it looks like she is going to be having triple heart bypass surgery. I've had a good day and I'm feeling a lot better and I'm going to the hospital tomorrow. I'm in good spirit anyway.

Thanks again.

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[peacenik]

Mummy's Boy

my mom's death brought me and my much younger sister very close. we didn't know each other very well, but that experience is a once in a life time major emotional event. we survived it with each other's support.

can you talk to her now and make ammends? it helps so much and you really will reget not saying everything while she is still alive to appreciate it.

good luck and just let everyone know you love them.

peace

[Popeye]

Mummy's Boy

Hi Phil,
Another honest post. You always manage to get me thinking....