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[hippie37]

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A lot has already been said that I agree with Greenie. Including Cindi's number 4!

Probably one of my biggest problems is that I think I'm in control when I'm not. I usually have expectations of how things should turn out. If they don't turn out the way I want them to, then I'm usually disappointed and upset. If you meant what you said then you should stick by that and have no expectations of your friends response to that. Your side of the street is clean hon. If she has hung up on you then maybe her conscience isn't as clean as yours right now! Give it time!

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[rubywillow]

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Oh, sweet girl! I'm sorry your heart is in pain. Maybe if you give her some time, or tell her your sorry you hurt her feelings without recanting what you believe is true, it would help you both. Many people don't want to hear the truth, though our intentions are to help. If that's her case, it could be she's mad at the TRUTH, but still needs you. Anyway, I hope you know I care about you enough to tell you to kiss my grits if I think you're out of line, but it won't change how I feel about you, because I know your heart is good. Sorry you're sad, sweetie.
Love,
Rubes

[brittzak]

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Thinking of you today dear friend!!!! My mind has no space left to rent.....what is left of it I gotta use myself..LOL

[42cat]

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Hey Green ... I'm going through a similar thing with a good friend, or who I thought was a good friend .. or who still might be a good friend if/when we get over it.

It started last week, when I was advised by my counsellor (saw her twice so far re. marriage separation / anxiety / etc.) to try to focus on the "positives" in my life .. because the everyday negatives were weighing heavily right now, and maybe I needed a "breather" ... to smile and notice happy things .. and to sleep, etc.

.. So I mentioned it to my mom, my dad and his wife ... mostly family .. and this one friend. I don't really have any other close friends other than this particular friend ... But when I asked her to please stop talking to me about it for a few days, she took it VERY personally ... and things went downhill, even though I tried to explain. *sigh*

We have since talked twice ... But things aren't the same. Not sure if they will be - it's still early-on. But, I figure if she really was a good friend, if she really does care (and I do care about her too), then we'll get past it. Sometimes, incidents like these test a relationship and bring out some truths about it. I'm still hoping to repair this one. Time will tell.

... P.S..... What I think hurt her most was the unexpectedness of what I said to her .... I know I made her feel badly for constantly talking about my marriage situation every day .., my soon-to-be-EX, finances, kids, and all that goes with that .... I think it hurt her a lot because (a) she was just trying to be a good friend by talking about it all the time .. and (b) she didn't know that's how I felt - the surprise factor. Maybe your friend feels the same way, in a way, with whatever situation you're dealing with ...

... I mean .. maybe she thought your relationship was OK when, in fact, you had some issues with it and it took her by surprise (?) .... Of course, I'm not sure what happened between you two, but if you told her a "truth" that she wasn't expecting to hear, maybe she needs some time to process it, and maybe you can talk it out at some point...... If she was a good person in your life in general, don't give up on the relationship just yet. If she was a negative person in your life, maybe it's time to say good-bye. I'm still thinking it out on my end .... Just wanted to share.

*hugs*

[RedThread12]

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Boy do I know this one. Fortunately, it has been the motivation for a lot of personal growth for me . . .

I read the work of one woman that I really like (Byron Katie). She says, "There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business, and God's business."

Sounds like your friend was trying to get in your business. And if you get in her business (she shouldn't have done that, she should do this, etc.,) then there is no one taking care of your business. Sometimes, it just is what it is, and it sucks, but it passes.

You get to decide how you want to feel about your friend. That is completely your business. And, I suggest, that you nurture yourself with some good music or poetry or a book that helps you remember how wonderful you are. And reading all the posts of love and support. After we quit drinking, these are the things that demand we find "our own way out," no?

[lilmea]

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....Your "friend is an idiot" You dear Greenie are an awsome woman!!

can't say it any better than that. :l

[rubywillow]

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Greenie, I hope I made you laugh (even with the tears!) during our marathon talkfest last night. I love you, your BIG spirit, your heart, just everything. A hard lesson I learned is that many times people who concentrate on your problem are avoiding their own. They have 20/20 vision when it comes to you and your life, but never turn those big eyes on themselves, because it hurts. Be wise, sweet girl. Protect yourself by setting a boundary about what you will talk about, and what is only yours. If you're talking to someone whose own life is in chaos, it's a setup for them to escape their own heartaches and focus on yours. This too shall pass, and the sun will shine again on you and your big green eyes, and your true friends will still be there to celebrate with you.

[greeneyes]

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smooch ruby... you have become a dear friend over the phone :H

[SKendall]

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Greenie, I'm so sorry that must hurt. You deserve better. :l

[tawnywitch]

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Greenie joined in a bit late but feeling for you, stay strong you are a wonderful person, love and hugs Tawnywitch, come to chat again soon,