some opinions needed

[mario]

ok i have Been going through really bad guilt trips & emotional crap for the last 3/4 weeks,if you have read my story you will see where i am coming from but to put along story short,i am seeing my 3 children(17,20,24)again and while seeing them i see my x wife,(not all the time)well i feel guilty about the way i treated her and them before now that i am sober,but my current partner has been 100% supportive in my new sober life and helped me an awful lot. so i pm a very good supportive friend here,and when i pm someone here mwo sends me an email,well my current partner went into my email box and seen in front of her what i was feeling,she didn't thing i had them feelings in me,now this is all they are,feelings/emotions and of course confusion,so when she read emails she freaked and told me in dublinees where to go,i keep trying to explain they are feelings,its not getting me anywhere,plus its still not answering the original question,hope this makes sense, its good to talk

[startingover]

some opinions needed

Mario, firstly, you can turn off those email reminders.
I will look it up and pm you...
Of course she is upset, her security feels threatened I expect. I think you need to take a step back and let the dust settle for a while. Both of you are probably too involved to talk about this rationally just now.
Maybe its a blessing in disguise? Let the dust settle for a while. It must be awful, but you wont be able to resolve this with all the emotion at the moment.....

[mario]

some opinions needed

yes starts but what about my emotions and guilt,is this a passing phase or do i act

[startingover]

some opinions needed

Let the dust settle. Dont make any decisions right now, you are way too emotional at the mo....

[startingover]

some opinions needed

Unless you are sure of what you want now? If you are sure, then go for it, but I get the impression that you are still very confused....

[one2many]

some opinions needed

SHITE Mario....its awful when someone reads something that was not meant for their eyes..when it is written down in black and white in front of you, it always seems so much worse.
My guess is that she is feeling angry and hurt.
When feelings come spilling out they can be confusing and daunting....the person writing them doesn't understand them so the person reading them CERTAINLY doesn't.
How are you feeling about things now Mario? Do you still feel the same way as you did when you shared those feelings? If so, there may be substance to them and you might need to address that.
If your feelings have changed and things have become clearer, you may need to sit her down and try to explain that the past few months have been a huge change in your life, you have felt an array of emotions, guilt, sadness, confusion etc and somehow these feelings got all tangled up and you could not make any sense out of them...you can then explain that things have become more clarified in your head and you are less confused and know what you want.
You have had a lot to deal with, giving up the booze and reuniting with your family is a huge thing...feelings are bound to get mixed up and the whole picture becomes murky.
Please have a good think about what you want, where you are now and where you want to go...once that is crystal clear in your mind, then you can make plans to either move on or begin to try to heal what is already there..
We are behind you al the way hon and if we can help, let us know..

We won't send any pm's tho lol!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

some opinions needed

Oh dear, there is an pm option to 'not send an email' as far as I know but it is a bit too late for that. I suppose there is no point in saying it was a private email and akin to your reading her diary or opening letters addressed to her either.
The only advice I could give would be to let the dust settle for a bit untill she calms down and try to explain that our feelings are all over the place at times in recovery and airing them to others in a similar situation to ourselves is all part of a healing proccess. It doesnt mean it is written in stone and shouldnt be taken as such. I think she should cut you some slack here and realise that you havent been going behind her back which I guess could be the main cause of her anguish, she feels betrayed in some way. I am sure she has said things at some stage in your relationship about you to her sister/friends that she later realised were not her true feelings deep down but somthing that was said to air a grevance/feeling. I would say go for a long walk and give each other some breathing space for a few hours.

[Guest]

some opinions needed

Sorry cant comment on the emails and family stuff.others before have given great advice and obviously care deeply for you ...I cant give advice but I have hung off every post you make ...I think you are a wonderful human being ..thats my opinion
Reg

[Minnie]

some opinions needed

Great advice from the others. I agree with Starts that it may be best to wait a while before making any decisions. You feel guilt for everyone in your life at the moment. Your new partner has been very supportive up until now and probably just needs some time to think about it rationally.

Take care Mario

[Popeye]

some opinions needed

Hi Mario,
I know a lot about having emails read by someone they're not intended for.
There is a little part of all of us that we like to keep to ourselves no matter how honest and open we tell people we are; stuff we would never say inapprpriately to a person for fear of hurting them, but that is nonetheless true, and stuff that we never want anyone to know about us. I get stick for being honest to the point of cruelty sometimes and have learned to be a bit more tactful, but only a bit, and it's an effort for me not to speak my mind at times.
Thinking something and acting upon it are two very different things but nobody knows you better than you do and I think that's how it should be.
I don't see anything wrong with caring for someone you shared part of your life with, regardless of how it ended. There is no good to be had from feeling bitter and hateful, but our insecurities often don't allow others to see things that way and that's just the way they are. We can either stick to our guns and stand up for the way we are, or close down and pretend otherwise.
Whatever you do, take some time to let your partner cool off.
I hope things work out well.

[redhibiscus]

some opinions needed

Wow, a hard situation to deal with. I would feel angry if someone went into my emails without my permission. However, your main goal appears to be this relationship. Let your partner cool down and then when you are both able, talk about it and just see where it goes. You have a right to your feelings and they are a part of you.

[mario]

some opinions needed

any more opinions/advice here please :thanks:

[greeneyes]

some opinions needed

Mario you asked for my input and I am sure as hell not going to PM you. Theis puts me out in the openess of vulnerability too. But you are worth it. I don't believe things are coincidental. This is only my best guess. Your partner has abandonment, insecurity issues that were brought to surface by reading your private mail. The fact that she read your private mail is an indicator of insecurity itself. I went to great lengths to be private eye on r2d2. So the point is that I think that souls unite and give each other opportunities to heal old wounds or issues. And those opportunities are often painful but are born from love in it's purest form. Sometimes just being able to accept th fact that a higher power is at owrk is enough to help things resolve. You don'[t have to figure it out or expailn, just accept that things are as they should be and let it rest. I hope that makes some sense. And thank you for the compliment of asking my input. That put a happy smile on my little face. PM me if you want. Little doggie doesn't know how to use the computer. :H

[ChickenNumber3]

some opinions needed

Mario!

You have given me good advise and great listening in the past..so I hope to return the favour in some small way!

It's true that your 'mail' is private! But, relationships are complicated as we all know!

My hubby ( finacee at the time) recieved a few letters from his most recent ex, while we were in our intiial engangement faze! Unfortunately, I was the one who found them in the letter box (not intentional in any way)! I gave them to him and told him that if he needed to respond, to 'close' the situation, then so be it. He did and he told me what he wrote! I was..okay with this!

Another letter from ex arrived (I did not find this, he told me of own violition). I told him that future communication would be construed as a hoped for continued relationshipwith ex, and if only a freindship, could not in myself honestly feel 'good or comfortable' with this situation and that I could not 'deal' with this. We would end it now if he chose to? He did not!

Nuff said! All good!

Since that time, he has been a loyal and devoted hubby! But he has also kept her letters!
Needless to say, he does not know that I know this! I have not kept anything of my ex's! Thus I do feel.....slightly betrayed!
I reason that they are for his own....memories, and say nothing! But it still hurts!
So, I guess what I am saying is that....if she did not care for you, she would not care one way or the other!Hope that makes sense? Or have I just dribbled lots?
Chook

[irish eyes]

some opinions needed

Mario, really sorry that u are going through a tough time, it was tough sh..t your partner reading your emails. I have nothing major to contribute here except to say stand back bigtime - the confusion and guilt will right itself, well u can rid yourself of the guilt, it is a useless emotion that doesnt do anything so symbolically throw it over your shoulder now. You are left with confusion....stay with it for the moment dont make anything happen or do anything. I think when ur partner calms down it is important to explain to her that you have confused feelings and it doesnt mean u will act on them. Eventually u may have to b on ur own for some time to get a handle on things. You are a softie be gentle on yourself and at this moment be real selfish (prob not a selfish bone in body) make no decisions sit on ur confusion!