Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

[hdb]

Posted this in monthly moderation - but no-one is in there, posted here instead...

Hi All

... Hopefully and without being too much of a pessimist..... I would like to ask if anyone here can truly mod??? I am now on day 26 A/F and feel quite scared at the thought of moving to the next step of my goal (I do not intend to even try at the moment). My overall goal in to drink moderately like the majority of ?normal? people in this world, however I do not want to have constant turmoil with myself when I am not drinking or when indeed I am drinking. I am fine now (and pls don?t say well don?t drink then ? i don?t mean i am fine forever ) - I am heading to the weekend and I don't want a drink - but preferably I do want to drink in the future....

Has ANYONE done this successfully???? Does anyone here drink in moderation without it being an all consuming thought?? Has anyone managed to say moderate, are now a year to two years on and don't have a constant nagging in their head? ... you know the thoughts of... two days until I can drink, must only have a few drinks, mustn?t drink the next day, that?s it keep being good, only 5 more days till next weekend - you can do it, have to stay strong, don't want to be weak...etc etc ex-bloody-cetra...

I have done the A/F 3 times and have slowly gone back to the way I was - I have however addressed a lot of poo in my life now which certainly contributed to my lack of strength and mental state and fallin off the wagon....(these are not excuses as to why i drink i know not drinkin is within my power and shouldn't be influenced by outside factors, I know this its just easier to start on my journey when i have dealt with some of these factors)

I guess I just want to hear that a few have done it and are OK ... or is this indeed a myth??? I see plenty who abstain on here because they can't mod but no-one so far who has put their hand up and said that they successfully have. By successful I do not mean a life of turmoil....

Thanks for reading - I feel annoyed today and I don't know why, I feel annoyed because I am so weak, annoyed that I got myself in this hole, annoyed that I may have messed this up for good and never be able to drink??? :upset:

[mario]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

I dont know hdb,for me its a nono. And i have never met anybody long term who has kept to moderating,but then again i dont know everyone. but impo for the majority of abusers moderation is an unrealistic goal merly wishful thinking.

[brightlite]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

I know of one person (friend) that I believe is successfully Modding. She used to drink a lot, now will only have a glass or two at the most. However, that may be her public persona....you never know. According to the book I just read, you are supposed to be grateful that you are free from drinking. You should not think of it as that you are missing out on anything. It all sounds good when I read it, but it's hard to wrap my mind around that concept. Anyway, 26 days is awesome!

[AAthlete]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

I think that moderation means different things to different people, but it is something that I am 100% convinced I can never do. As the old saying goes, one is never enough....

To me, being able to moderate and drink like normal people means that I could have one or two and walk away without having another thought about it, and not worry or think about having a drink again for some period of time. It is not carefully planning how many I can have that night, and making sure that I stop at my set limit, and going through the whole routine the next day, and feeling like I am missing out. Ughhh... Just too much work for me (and by all means if that works for you and you don't mind doing it then more power to you).

I'd just rather not worry about it, but that's my choice and everybody has to make their own.

[ChickenNumber3]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

Nope! Not yet dude!
Chook

[Cinders]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

To me, being able to moderate and drink like normal people means that I could have one or two and walk away without having another thought about it, and not worry or think about having a drink again for some period of time. It is not carefully planning how many I can have that night, and making sure that I stop at my set limit, and going through the whole routine the next day, and feeling like I am missing out. Ughhh... Just too much work for me (and by all means if that works for you and you don't mind doing it then more power to you).

I agree with the above so heartily. People like my hubby who do not have a drinking problem simply don't worry whether or not they are going to drink, will have another drink or ever drink again.

I worry about it all the time. I am an alcoholic.

I cannot moderate. I have proven that one time and time again.

Cindi

[ChickenNumber3]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

I think Cindi is right!

If you have to think about it..then you are most likely alcoholic! I am, hubby aint and he 'can' drink like a fish, but then can turn it off as easy as pie!

I think it has to do with your genetics..honestly!
Chook

[AAthlete]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

hdb, pardon me for being blunt but it would appear that you are looking for success stories so that maybe you can have some hope of moderating yourself? When I reread your post (and I saw you posted in the Moderation section as well) what stands out for me is you saying "that I may have messed this up for good and never be able to drink???"

Unfortunately everyone is different, and so must come to terms with their drinking in their own way. Some people are able to moderate (to varying degrees) if they haven't sunk too far down into the alkie-hole, but I truly believe there is a point that you can reach where there is no turning back. Don't know if you are there yet or not, but I guess that is what you are trying to figure out?

[Marshy]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

Hi hdb,

I think once you've crossed the line into addiction, it's not possible to go back to being "unaddicted". If there's something about your biochemistry that "clicks" enough with a particular drug to cause addiction, it will always click with that drug. Only you will know whether or not you've crossed that line.

Of course, even if you're addicted you could still restrict your consumption. Must be torturous though, always wanting more.

[shirazgirl]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

I have never really tried moderating. I basically have weaned myself to being a private wino, to just drinking beer (which did help me not be a train wreck) to going sober. On day 23 and have set my goal for 30 days. I don't know that I will try moderating. It's something I don't want to think about. If I don't start, I don't have to worry about stoppping. Plus, I've been able to go out w/ my motely crew a few times and not have drinks and be okay about it. It's also nice not having to worry whether I embarassed myself or not. Someone once said something that mean alot to me "If you are trying to control something, it is likely out of control".
Most people I know that have tried decide to go AF. It seems like it attainable intially, then something switches in their head and they are right back to square one. Good luck w/ whatever you decide.

[caysea]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

Hi All
I would say that all of us AF have tried some form of mod over the years.I finally looked at my history with al and realized I would never control it. al controls me. I never wanted to face not being able to have a drink. Now into recovery and with some good time behind me I realize that my life is so much better minus al. Yes it is hard to accept when you are trying to control al that you should be AF. You want to continue to be in the al lifestyle. If you do go AF the lifestyle you live now will not be desirable. Hard to imagine when you are trying to hold onto al. I have a much different healthier lifestyle and thoughts or worries about al are no longer their.


Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[time2live]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

Modding

I can only tell you my experience -- I drink about 1/2 to 2/3 bottle of wine each night and have for years. About a year ago, I stopped completely for one week, thought I could control it and started right back up again as if I never stopped. This past summer, I stopped drinking completely for 37 days. I attended a few events, didn't drink, felt very proud of myself. Then one evening at dinner, I decided to have one glass of wine. That went fine. The next time, I had one at dinner, came home and had two more and started up the same as always.
I'm now thinking hard about doing the 30 days again because I can't bear the thought of never drinking again. In my heart, I'm pretty sure I can never mod successfully. Just can't do it. But I think maybe I can stop drinking completely at some point.

[Lavande]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

Hi hdb,

No, I don't know of anyone who is successfully moderating!
By the time I reached my 30 AF days, I was convinced that I cannot moderate - won't even try! I have too much to lose & I am truly grateful to be AF. You need to shut down the 'junkie thinking', that it's OK to have just 1 or 2. It isn't OK, it never will be.
I can't tell you what a relief it is to have the pressure off - no more chatter going on in my head

This is something you definitely have to think through for yourself, I wish you the best!

[Boss.man]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

hdb, I'd offer a different question: Why ask?

The "dependent brain" doesn't really think well. When I was drinking, even the thought of moderation was "the end of the world". I even pondered whether I would be able to enjoy life if I could not have a drink. Now, I've come to understand that was the mental processes of a dependent brain. My brain is still dependent, but I have different worries and questions, which are asked and answered without alcohol involved.

If you can free your brain of dependence, this question answers itself. The answer may be different for every different person.

[brittzak]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

I don't personally know anyone that has sucessfully modded. LIke AAthlete said...it means different things to different people...IF you read RJ's book a sucessful modder will drink a couple of times a year and have 1 drink..say at a wedding or funeral. Many people think if they used to drink daily and now only drink on the weekends they are modderating...TO ME, that isn't modding it is cutting back. If I were to drink weekly or even monthly it would be no time before I was drunk again on a daily basis. Successful moderation is never getting drunk again....IN MY OPINION! AND every time I tried to moderate...I was DRUNK!