Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

[Sunbeam]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

It is going on two years since I joined MWO. I started with about 75 days AF, then played with varying limits before arriving where I am now, having something to drink less than weekly. For me, keeping the alcohol consumption very low is critical to my success. I believe that most heavy daily drinkers will probably not be successful at learning to drink moderately. I have been using Drink Tracker honestly for well over a year (1 glass = 5 0z. wine), so my record is there for me and all to see. I'm a little surprised by the posts here from people who I though I knew who say they don't know anyone who can moderate successfully. I guess I just don't know their definition of successful moderation, or they actually don't know me. I really don't know anyone who started drinking moderately effortlessly as described in the MWO book. It takes a lot of work, and isn't worth it for many.

[Heavenly]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

I think (no reliable data) that people can moderate, someone mentioned it already, if you haven't already sunk deep into the ''alkie-hole''.

For me when moderating I used to constantly think about alcohol, constantly from the time I got up to the time I went to bed (and it was too late to go and buy some) ....

A constant turmoil of wanting it, of hating my kids and husband and everyone because that day I was not drinking because I was moderating and today was a no drink day .... outwardly no-one could guess but inwardly alcohol was turning in my heart and mind, while my stomach was begging for it ....

Each and everyone of us knows deep within who and what we ourselves are, if we are able to moderate we know and if we are an alcoholic we DO know .... but for a long time we usually deny this to ourselves first and everyone else thereafter ....

I also have relatives and friends who open wine, beer etc and have one .... they don't finsh the bottle and that is an anathema to me ..... what is alcohol for if not to get drunk ....

If you feel this way then it will be hard to moderate ... most of us came here because there was that elusive promise to be able to moderate ..... I thought it was a wonder cure - I would be able to drink and not get drunk - every night .....

Good luck with it all anyway .... I hope you are one of the lucky ones

[Sunbeam]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

I'm no sure why no one (including me!) has yet mentioned that there is a group of people on this site that see themselves as mostly successful moderators. You can read their threads under Long Term Moderation. Many of us don't check in here very often under General Discussion. Many of us use Drink Tracker, so you can see actually how much we are drinking, and how long we have been keeping track.

[scrubbly]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

I think there are FOUR kinds of people in this world.

1. There are people with no problem with alcohol. They can take it or leave it, never worry about it, they are the ones who would start a drink, set it down somewhere and forget it was there and find it again in the morning and laugh that they had left it behind the night before (HA HA! Can you imagine!?)

2. Then there are people who experienced problems with their drinking at one point, recognized the problem, did some AF time and figured out a plan, and can now moderate successfully, but it takes a HECK of a lot of work, planning, and preparation. These people have to always be vigilant, and I think they still have many days and occasions when they just do not drink at all, most likely.

3. There is a group of folks here who might be ABLE to moderate if they put in the kind of work I'm talking about, but find it easier and less stressful to just go AF. These are "potential moderators" who choose to go AF for the convenience of it.

4. Then I think there are another group of people whose chemistry, brain wiring, something that we don't yet understand about human physiology, CANNOT moderate and should probably not try to. They are not set up to be able to have ANY alcohol and still be able to stop at one or two drinks, and they would not be "safe" in trying to moderate.

I believe for ME, that I likely fall into group #3, but I also think that science and medicince has a LOAD of work to do on analyzing and studying the effects of alcohol on the body, and what alcoholism really looks like, such as are there different levels of the disease, is it progressive even if you are not drinking, etc. and until there is more research out there I sort of feel like I'm playing with fire to moderate...but that is my personal opinion on it!!

And nobody but the individual can make these decisions for themselves...I hope you find the answers you are looking for!

[Heavenly]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

Sunbeam;743322 wrote: I'm no sure why no one (including me!) has yet mentioned that there is a group of people on this site that see themselves as mostly successful moderators. You can read their threads under Long Term Moderation. Many of us don't check in here very often under General Discussion. Many of us use Drink Tracker, so you can see actually how much we are drinking, and how long we have been keeping track.

There are sections on here called Monthly moderation and Long term moderation ..... where the people on there ''see themselves'' as successful moderators .... we do not know if they are, we do not live with them or see inside them ..... but they say they are moderating happily ..... that's good news then ....

[KateH1]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

scrubbly;743329 wrote: I think there are FOUR kinds of people in this world.

1. There are people with no problem with alcohol. They can take it or leave it, never worry about it, they are the ones who would start a drink, set it down somewhere and forget it was there and find it again in the morning and laugh that they had left it behind the night before (HA HA! Can you imagine!?)

2. Then there are people who experienced problems with their drinking at one point, recognized the problem, did some AF time and figured out a plan, and can now moderate successfully, but it takes a HECK of a lot of work, planning, and preparation. These people have to always be vigilant, and I think they still have many days and occasions when they just do not drink at all, most likely.

3. There is a group of folks here who might be ABLE to moderate if they put in the kind of work I'm talking about, but find it easier and less stressful to just go AF. These are "potential moderators" who choose to go AF for the convenience of it.

4. Then I think there are another group of people whose chemistry, brain wiring, something that we don't yet understand about human physiology, CANNOT moderate and should probably not try to. They are not set up to be able to have ANY alcohol and still be able to stop at one or two drinks, and they would not be "safe" in trying to moderate.

I believe for ME, that I likely fall into group #3, but I also think that science and medicince has a LOAD of work to do on analyzing and studying the effects of alcohol on the body, and what alcoholism really looks like, such as are there different levels of the disease, is it progressive even if you are not drinking, etc. and until there is more research out there I sort of feel like I'm playing with fire to moderate...but that is my personal opinion on it!!

And nobody but the individual can make these decisions for themselves...I hope you find the answers you are looking for!

These are my thoughts, no judgement to anyone here is meant. I used this posting in my comments because I think that the thoughts in this post are incorrect.

To suggest that some that choose AF because they do not want to "Put In the Hard Work" that it takes to moderate or "Find it easier to just go AF".......personally I find these thoughts to be rediculous! Just as I find it rediculous to take a powerful prescription medication created to reduce seizures in order to continue drinking in "Moderation".

The first issue is the the very word "Moderation" has multiple meanings. here...depending on who you talk to. To many, it simply means not getting drunk on a daily or weekly basis. If one reads RJ's description of modding.....it is to treat alcohol as one would butter, enjoying it on some occasions on a casual basis. This process takes no hard work or planning, it just is.

I did not decided to live my life AF because I wanted to avoid hard work and planning. AF takes much hard work and planning. It is certainly not an easy way out. I realize that for the rest of my life, AF will continue to take hard work and planning and I am happy to accept those challenges that come my way. In my case, I see absolutely no reason to bring alcohol into my life because it adds nothing of value to my life.

Just a different point of view and one that I see as liberating!

[1967]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

Excellent thread... just what I needed to think about tonight actually!

[peacenik]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

haven't read any other replies, but to answer your original question...NOPE, not for me!

:l

[Wally22]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

I have been AF for a couple of months. On Monday I had a beer at lunch and it has set off a whole chain of thoughts, that I could really do without. Tonight I desperately wanted to go to the liquor store and buy something. I contemplated each of my choices, tasting each one in my mind. It was torture. I left the grocery store and walked past the liquor store, still glancing longingly inside.
When I was AF I didn't have these thoughts. I opened pandora's box with that one beer.
I can't mod, I know that from experience. The price I am paying for that one beer is WAAAAY too high.

[Zeppie2]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

I tried to mod early this year after months of being AF and ended up straight back where I started again, a person whos mind was totally consumed with drinking. Getting to the "right level of drunk" so I could get through my day. Drinking quickly before visitors arrived and then wishing they would leave so I could start drinking again.

Someone said early about those of us who become alcoholics can't become unaddicted. I don't think we are like normal people, that's what made us alcoholics in the first place. For years I drank heavily but could go a day or two without drinking or even thinking about it, but not anymore.

[dora]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

Modding isn't for me. I tried it on and off for almost a year but every time ended up drinking more and more. I tried 'weekends only drinking' but then the 'weekend' got longer. I tried waiting until after a certain time but spent all my day waiting for that time. Thoughts of drinking became all consuming. I know I can't moderate, one drink and I am off!! For me abstinence is the only answer, good luck!

[Suni]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

I see plenty who abstain on here because they can't mod but no-one so far who has put their hand up and said that they successfully have.
Hi there DBD,

Well done indeed on reaching Day 26 or 27 by now! I hope I'll be able to say the same in a few weeks.
It's great that you don't intend to move on to the next step of your goal till you're ready.
Remember that if you feel scared to move on to step 2 of your goal the goal can always be reviewed and changed in the light of what you know now. Recovery is a learning process.

And you're right to feel scared! As Shirazgirl said-the reason that you tried to control your habit in the first place was because your habit was in control of you. Nothing will have changed there. And as Marshy says -once addicted you can't go back to being unaddicted. You will always retain the tendency to be controlled by alcohol rather than take control of it - which is why so many people fail to moderate successfully.

At the end of the day you have to decide for yourself whether attempting moderation is worth the risk and the constant hassle of the nagging voice 'Should I stop now?' 'Is this going to lead me backwards?'
'Why did I have the third one?' 'Oh- what the hell, one more won't do any harm'

For me it's a question of empowerment. That would make me feel disempowered because I would be handing the power right back into the hands of the alcohol to control my life. From now on I now want to control what happens to me thank you very much.


I feel annoyed today and I don't know why, I feel annoyed because I am so weak, annoyed that I got myself in this hole, annoyed that I may have messed this up for good and never be able to drink???

Don't feel bad about feeling weak. We all have weak days and they all pass. You are NOT in a hole. You are Day 27 AL Free and that is a fantastic achievement.
You are 27 days free of the glass of devastation that is alcohol and that is only to be celebrated with whoops of joy and happiness!!!!! Well done and keep it up!

[hdb]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

Sorry for the delay, this is the 1st opportunity I have had back at my computer (or rather alone so I can talk to you)

Geez it?s a mine field isn?t it? ? Thanks so much for all of your comments; what is moderating? ? to me I guess that is drinking occasionally but most importantly without obsessing ..... obsessing obsessing obsessing ? it?s so annoying it?s MY head and it?s ME who lets this go on, whitter whitter whiter!!! Hey its quiet as a mouse right now, quiet as a mouse because it has no options, it won?t be one beer, one glass of wine it will be none ? nadder, zero, zilch!

I so admire the people who have made a decision to be AF and to not even consider modding so very much. I admire you for your strength and also for the fact that you are no longer tormenting yourselves with shall I or shant I? How long will it take me to figure this thing out?? Will I know this time?? Should I say well if you mess up this time you should give up completely?? Who knows? When will I know?? What on earth takes us from a ?normal? (what eva that is!) person where alcohol is involved to this??

Geez I have a headache now, I don?t want to not drink, I like a drink, I enjoy one, I want to be like others though and have a drink when I go to friends, when it my birthday, when its Christmas, only on occasion ? it?s my own fault I know and I shouldn?t moan I really shouldn?t. I mean look at these poor people who are sick, or starving ... my dilemma really is negligible in comparison.

Thanks again all ? good luck in your journeys I guess we all have one thing in common ? our difficult love hate relationship with alcohol??? x

[Heavenly]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

hdb;744195 wrote:
I so admire the people who have made a decision to be AF and to not even consider modding so very much. I admire you for your strength and also for the fact that you are no longer tormenting yourselves with shall I or shant I?

Let me just correct this bit hdb ... we ALL considered modding and most of us TRIED it but we couldn't do it ..... that's what we are saying why we are AF now ... it makes us in control of the alcohol that had been controlling us ..... good luck

[Doggygirl]

Has modding truly worked for anyone? Truly?

hdb, I'm at peace with the fact that I HAVE to be AF. But as Heavenly described, I too went round after round after round trying to control my drinking with no success. Not only did I obsess over it constantly, I wasn't able to stick to my own "rules" very effectively even WITH all that obsessing.

So for me, there is really no other option than AF if I want to stay alive.

True "normies" DO NOT CARE one way or the other about alcohol. I know because I am married to one. He can have "A" beer (as in ONE) if he chooses. Usually he chooses not to. Me? I actually thought about this one time, and I cannot recall EVER having only one drink since I had my first at about 16 or 17 years of age and I'm 51 now. It's either zero, or too many for me, unfortunately.

If there is ever something invented that would truly turn me into a normie, I would get in line in a heart beat I think. As it is, I finally had enough of fighting it.

Strength and hope to you,

DG