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**JackieClaire** · October 23, 2009, 05:52 PM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

Hi Kimberley,

I too had a really bad craving about 21 days into AF land and did exactly what you are doing.

I came straight on here and asked for help.

I just read and read around the old posts.

You're not alone sweetheart. We're here for you.

Love Jackie xxx

AF since 7/7/2009

**Popeye** · October 23, 2009, 06:00 PM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

Hi Kimberley,
These are the hardest days and you have done a fantastic job of looking after yourself through some stressful times.
I have been in that frame of mind so many times; thinking 'F&%k it! I'll have a drink tonight and start agian tomorrow', knowing full well that I won't be sober long enough to consider stopping again for weeks and weeks. It's a nervousness that won't allow you to be happy for yourself just yet, but it will pass and you'll be so glad that you stayed strong.
Believe in yourself and make time just to stop everything for a little while each day and remember why you are doing this and then relax.
God, I sound like I know all the answers, and I'm not even close to being expert, but there are lots of little tricks that work for me.
Take care.

**Emmy** · October 23, 2009, 06:07 PM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

Kimberly , I know what your feeling , I sometimes feel so proud of myself and there are times that I feel like just having "one glass".. So far I've been good at talking myself out of it , I come here or just take a walk and think about why I'm doing this ! Stay strong , the urges do pass ! We're all in this together ! xooxo Em

**TakeHeart** · October 23, 2009, 07:36 PM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

Kimberley,

You are obviously dedicated to your sobriety. Think of your sobriety with unconditional love. You know, the kind of love where you will put it before your own wants and needs because it needs and depends on you to survive. Your sobriety will die without you.

You should be very proud of yourself for sacrificing your desires for the life of your sobriety.

**1967** · October 23, 2009, 08:30 PM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

Kimberley;742731 wrote: I have been AF nearly a month despite some really stressful times at the moment - moving house and setting it all up to name just one thing going on in my life right now.

I am worried that I am about to lapse as the past few days it has all felt like too much.

On Wednesday evening I had had a really hard day at work and I actually got off the tube a stop early thinking about going to a different shop to buy some al (where they don't know I'm a terrible alky!). But as I was walking to the shop I started to think about the next day. i knew I had important stuff to do, so I passed the shop and turned my music up load and strode on. Walking the extra bit home made it easier - a bit of time and space to myself. And Thursday I was glad I didn't drink, although it wasn't easy. At all. I was irritable all night.

Then Thursday was good and then tonight I really wanted a drink again. Tried to think it through as I know I have to move tomorrow and get up early - would be hell with a hangover. I was thinking about where I could hide it though and how to disguise the al breath etc. I was almost annoyed that I couldn't have a drink. But I somehow didn't have one anyway.

I am so worried that I am thinking like this. I have done really well to get things done AF at this stressful timeand I have been happier overall and more confident. But now these thoughts are entering my head - how long before I slip. I feel like I am a relapse just waiting to happen. I am terrified of myself right now.

Still AF, though I wish I could be proud of that rather than feeling like I'm on a slippery slope.

Has anyone felt a lapse coming on and bypassed it?

oh boy, i feel EXACTLY the same.
I feel like it's just an act of god that i'm not drinking.
today the electricity went out AGAIN so i left work early and did a couple of errands.
i called home to see if the electric was back on and it was.
i was just LOOKING for an excuse to go to a restaurant and it would have been down hill from there. we have a beach clean up in the morning so i REALLY should have not been looking for an out.
it already sucks to have to get up at 5:50 on Saturday morning, adding a hangover to this? A normal person would be like 'NO WAY JOSE."
thankfully the lights were on. i am thinking this is an act of god and that i just wasn't ready to stand up to my inner voice.
i hope i get a backbone pretty soon.

so anybody felt a lapse coming on and bypassed it?
tomorrow is day 14 for me. i would have been so disappointed in myself to have missed it!

**Doggygirl** · October 23, 2009, 08:52 PM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

Hi Kimberly. I know all too well the feeling you describe. I was feeling like that quite a bit - like my sobriety was really in trouble - even after the 6 month mark. I had already gone through a relapse in 2007 and it took me EIGHT MONTHS to manage to get back on the wagon. I do NOT want to ever go through that again. But I was having trouble shaking that feeling - sort of an irrational fear of relapse.

That's when I ended up starting at AA. (I know - strange point to start AA!) It's not for everyone but I no longer have that fear, which I'm really glad about.

However you find to work through this, I wish you the very best. I know how very uncomfortable and disconcerting it is. You are dong great - keep fighting.

DG

**Heavenly** · October 23, 2009, 09:08 PM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

Kimberly, unfortunately these feelings never go, even long term sober we have cravings ... The good news is you can learn to get over these blimps, there are many tools to do this, read some of the threads in lta and they offer great advice and support too ... You have done so well ...

**Kimberley** · October 24, 2009, 01:04 AM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

Thanks for all the advice and kind words. It's a little worrying to hear this goes on forever! Although knowing that means I can plan ahead. It's funny I rarely had this when I did my 4-5 months AF. Feel like I've lost some of the determination since then. Guess I will just have to power through it if I can!

**Heavenly** · October 24, 2009, 03:34 AM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

yes but the cravings are weaker and less and less frequent ... Easier to cope with ... I didnt explain myself properly sorry Kimberley

**Grim** · October 24, 2009, 03:51 AM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

Hey Kimberley, yeah the cravings do suck but as has been mentioned before by Heavenly they do decrease in frequency and severity.

I am very lucky to only have had 1 or two "wobbly" moments and I managed to navigate through/around these by visualizing the results of a "few glasses". That was ample for me to realize that it simply wasn't worth it......

Put your fists up K and keep fighting the good fight! You are doing so damned well!

**Kimberley** · November 1, 2009, 03:24 AM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

Have been off the internet for a week (moved house) so didn't get a chance to thank you for your replies last week. So thanks guys. Actually the feelings went when I moved house. I am happy that it won't always result in a crash.

**shirazgirl** · November 1, 2009, 10:24 AM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

Kimberly,
Hang on, the demon in al does not go quietly. It thinks maybe it's on vacation for awhile and when it realized you haven't come back to pick it up for sometime, it starts kicking and screaming for attention. Leave it alone, make it be like a phone call and hang up on it. You are SO much better w/o the booze. Think of all you have done without it. Relive some of the memories that got you here to begin with even though they may be painful. Put both on a scale and see which you would rather have. The answer is right there in front of you!

Hang on, keep posting, we are here to give you push towards the finish line!

**gyco** · November 1, 2009, 10:32 AM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

hi kim, the bbig thing is your not alone,just by coming here and letting your feelings out and realising what the next day will feel like is an awesome,feeling,yes,you didnt go there,im glad it worked out for you gyco

**keeta** · November 2, 2009, 10:34 AM

Advice please- all the red flags are waving!

Kimberley,
I am glad to hear you didn't give in to AL and the cravings. Like the others have said, they do lessen in frequency and severity over time. (Thank goodness!!)
I still struggle with them, and usually try to come here right away to post and get support to talk me through it. I also have just come to accept them for what they are. They are cravings of an addiction I will likely always have. BUT just because I want to drink, or THINK I want to drink doesn't mean I have to. They pass. They have never lasted forever, no matter how much it seems like they will at the time. They are what they are. I wait for them to pass and use all the tools I have to get me through the worst of the urges. It is always SUCH a relief when I realise I succeeded again

Good job on your success! You are a star!:l

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