Still here and still a drunk...

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Still here and still a drunk...

Thanks Ruby, I hope I can help in any small way those who are in that place I found myself back in May. It is really not nice being stuck there but there is always hope. So many people at MWO are living proof that there is an escape from there and a brighter future for us all.

[TakeHeart]

Still here and still a drunk...

Looking for hope,

I wish I had the magic wand...this is really hard...I know too well.

Just wanted to send a BIG HUG your way. I don't have kids of my own, but being around them and PLAYING with them really helps me not drink.

And more than anything...don't lose the faith or the fight to become the BEST you, you can be.

xoxo

[rubywillow]

Still here and still a drunk...

I have to say, we have to do this for ourselves, BUT, if we have little ones at home, they are so affected by our drinking. And it WILL manifest, someday, in someway. If you want to keep your child, and keep him safe, and keep his respect, this is the ultimate wakeup call. You are not in a place we have not been, but my children grew up with me drinking. My mother died while I was drinking. I can't take it back. Make your difference NOW.

[KateH1]

Still here and still a drunk...

Looking for Hope,

You have been given some good information here. The fact is that alcohol brings on these horrible depressions and cravings. Alcohol distorts our lives, even during the times when we are sober......but with each sober day, more clarity and less depression are the rewards.

It sounds like you have a wonderful mother and a loving son. It sounds like you truly do not want to live as you have been doing. It takes more than will power alone to stop drinking, it takes a plan, support from others and I personally believe that a good regimen of vitamins and Kudzu really help during the first few months.

So, make a plan, stick to the plan and don't give in or give up! Perhaps attending some AA meetings would also be helpful.....go there in the evening instead of the convenience store.

Best Wishes,
Kate

[Heavenly]

Still here and still a drunk...

lookingforhope;744482 wrote:
So, this is life...at the age of 42? The constant struggle, giving in...hurting. I really am not sure if I see a tomorrow, even though I have everything left to live for.

I am not suicidal...I just do not see a reason to wake up and do this thing called life every day. Seems likes it is a matter of just getting through it, and this is not what LIFE
is supposed to be.

Thank you for listening...I just needed to express this to someone. Maybe tomorrow will be better... ?

I have to disagree ... these are suicidal feelings ... and also the depression with drinking is like a never ending circle, it would be better to also see your GP (doctor) and have a chat about your feelings if possible ... if not the drinking too ....

You have done well to get some af days under your belt and I hope your son and mother who care so much can be your motivation and inspiration to stop drinking again .... good luck

[shirazgirl]

Still here and still a drunk...

Hi LFH,
You are in a stage of hopelessness, a major catalyst of alcohol. Addiction grabs us when we are not even looking. One day you go from a social drinker and than something "switches" in our head and become someone we don't even recognize. We have now become our addiction. Finding a way out is difficult, but it is there. The only thing I know is that we have to "want" it. It doesn't come looking for us, that I am sure of. Our minds play tricks on us. Our addiction tells us that if we drink we will feel better, and we will, for a very short time, until it all wears away and in the morning, what is left of ourselves reaches out to us and tells us we should be sober, that we are not living our lives right. Most of us believe it for a short time and vow to change. As the day goes on, the addiction doesn't want to "die" so it starts to shout at us that we need a drink, maybe just one, or just one more time, because it knows that if it can get us to have that first drink, it lives on another day. Everyday we let the addiction "win" it gets stronger and it's voice gets louder. What is left of "us" starts to get smaller and quieter.

We need to find "us" and we need to help our little voice become strong again. We need to listen to it telling us we need to save our own lives. We need to let it get stronger and stronger until it is bigger then the "addiction", we need to let "us" control our behavior and not the addiction. This takes patience and practice and we need to remind ourselves everyday why we are worth saving.

We were given these bodies and lives as a gift, so that we can have a good life. Some of them have a defect, but nothing that is irrepairable. So give yourself a mental hug, know you are worth saving and find a plan, something that works for you. Don't try to set huge goals, as we don't want to set yourself for a failure. Set small, realistic goals and give yourself a chance to be successful. You can do this, you are not hopeless and you are worth saving. In addition, your son will be so grateful to have his Mom and that in of itself is priceles.... Good energy coming your way....SG

[ladyjan]

Still here and still a drunk...

your son.

Hi Looking,
You gotta do this for your son as well as for you,
but you are no good to him if you are pissed and don't fool yourself children are smart and notice the difference..

my warning to you is be very careful coz it won't take much before somebody says something to social services and your son is taken into care especially as you say his dad drinks as well.

Teachers are taught to watch out for tell tale signs and know how to ask the children specific questions to get answers about the childs well being and care.

I don't say this to frighten you but to warn you...

you said your son wanted to come home to you, but you at least were aware enough to know you were not in a fit state to look after him... don't let it get to the point it's you that wants him to come home to you, but he can't coz he is in care..!!

I tell you this from 1st hand experiance, I have drunk heavy all my life up to sometimes a 1litre bottle of vodka per day... last october I tried to stop, had just had enough of all the shit it makes us do,

so I thought I was doing the right thing to stop, I was in bed with my little boy Oliver he was only 6 yrs old, next thing I knew was my older son found me on the kitchen floor convulsing very badly, lost conscioness, even wet myself...

refused to go to hospital, had had enough of being in & out of hospitals all year, all drink body damage related..!

frightened the life out of me, thought if this is what happens when I try to be good ..what the hell, so went out at 6am to a 24hr shop got bottle of vodka started a with a bit then got my boy ready for school, when I came back finished the bottle off and collapsed on the settee, looked at the clock in my haze thought I could wake up for 2pm to pick him up...

I didn't,

next thing I knew the police and social services were at my door, they had taken my baby boy, they got an emergency court order and taken him...

he is still in care and I am working like hell to get him back.. it's not easy coz once they are in the system it is very hard to get them back our emotions and pain doesn't come in to it... they only care about the well being of the child.

I found this site after struggling to stop since they took him and it is the best place to be, I have been AF for about a week now, still had a few beers and a glass of wine and started to take Baclofen F'ing wonder drug..

have alook at my thread "urgently got to stop but it's so dangerous" and you can see the desperation I was in and the help I got from these guys.

I have to have random breath tests during the week, they can call me at any time, I have got basically 12 weeks to prove I am dry and have a final blood test in january and if all is well my boy comes home to me....

But he has been seperated from me & his brother & sister, for will now be 2 Xmas's come this one, his b'day, summer holidays, night time cuddles, just everything, it's heart breaking.

sorry it's long but I really feel for you,

Ladyjan.

[brightlite]

Still here and still a drunk...

Looking...Hugs to you! You know I'm there for you. PM me anytime. Try to find your focus. Please stop the vicious circle of misery. Be kind to yourself and love your wonderful son.

[want2Bsober]

Still here and still a drunk...

Not only do the slip ups feel bad the next day, physically, but the guilt, shame and feeling you can't trust yourself feel even worse

Reading this and taking the crash course on the site (free) really helped me ... Maybe you will find some tools in here as well: Rational Recovery | Welcome to Rational Recovery If nothing else, it's something to think about when temptation strikes ...

Good luck on staying the course!!