Trigger for me - for others too?

[Lemonhead]

Continuing to evaluate the role of alcohol in my life.

Almost always, I resume bad habits when situations force me to "bite my tongue." Ironic. I can't speak my mind - or won't be listened to if I did - so I open my mouth and drink.

This seeems like it would be familiar to many women. Is it true for men?

[Cheech66]

Trigger for me - for others too?

if you knew my family you would not have to ask lol yes for men it is!!!

[Prpl]

Trigger for me - for others too?

That is a great insight, as far as I'm concerned. I've felt just that way for about a year now. I drink when I won't be heard in some way, shape, or form. Of course, you already knew it was true for women, I just had to throw my two cents in.

[ChickenNumber3]

Trigger for me - for others too?

Oh yes! in SO many ways!

Yes yes yes!
Tonight is a great example!
As soon as the supression starts..I look for the bottle...I hate it!
Chook

[kriger]

Trigger for me - for others too?

I am right there with you! It is my single biggest trigger of all! I have heart to heart discussions that seem to clear the air but change does not ever come.....the frustration builds and then I find no other way to alieviate the bed feelings inside. I really don't know what the answer is, but I will keep trying. Drinking is NOT the answer...I know that now. Krigs

[keeta]

Trigger for me - for others too?

Lemonhead,
I am definately "triggered" by feeling like I have to suppress my thoughts/feelings on something. Usually it is my with my husband. I feel like I am always getting the short end of some stick, and instead of sticking up for myself, or even voicing my opinion, I woul drown the words, feelings and thoughts with beer.

Of course this doesn't work. It causes a LOT of resentment, and that is a bitter bitter pill to swallow.

"Resentment is like swallowing poison, and waiting for the other person to die".

Journalling helps me get stuff out when I feel I have no "normal" outlet. And venting here. Drinking isn't the answer. But we know that.

[tiptronic_ct]

Trigger for me - for others too?

From a guy's perspective: I don't think this is gender-specific phenomenon...

Neither is "biting-your-tongue" as a trigger confined to close personal relationships. It can happen in a broader frienship circle, or the workplace...

[Angelcakes]

Trigger for me - for others too?

Your post has come at a very petinent time for me Lemonhead...this was specifically a trigger for me a couple of days ago (with my neighbour who is the most selfish/tight arse person you ever met)and although I knew the trigger was this person I couldn't put my finger on the actual reason...thereby leaving myself open to the same trigger again in the future. You've helped me understand the problem better - so thankyou.

xo

[keeta]

Trigger for me - for others too?

tip,
I definately agree that the people effected and triggered by "tongue biting" goes beyond a spousal relationship. I think people (men or women) who are prone to burying their feelings, especially when feeling like they are not being treated well will do it in every aspect of their lives. Which might explain why it becomes an "issue", or trigger.
I very rarely will stick up for myself, speak out when being taken advantage of, used, etc, whether it is at work, home, or in my circle of friends. I also have issues saying "no". I think what it boils down to for me, is self esteem. On some deep level, I obviously don't feel I deserve better.
WOW, now THAT was a ramble!

[brightlite]

Trigger for me - for others too?

Definitely one of my biggest triggers.

My boss's daughter causes me to "bite my tongue" on a continual basis. She is let's say...second in command. Although I work hard and get along great with my Boss (her Dad), I apparently can do nothing right in her eyes.

You can cut the jealousy with a knife! I even google "bad bosses" once and working with the offspring of your boss is "the kiss of death". For the most part any idea or accomplishment that I have is downplayed and/or passed off as hers. So I can't ever "outshine" her in her Daddy's eyes.....makes it extremely difficult for me.

I'm not confrontational at all and generally like most people, but she is by far the most RUDE person I have ever met along with being a know-it-all and completely self-absorb and has never experienced a hardship a day in her life..... So even being in the same room with her, I can feel my blood pressure rise. She is a constant "trigger" for me. I know in my head that I should not let people affect me like that, but it makes it difficult to try to do a good job when I know that she will pick on something that I did. Funny thing is that I work extremely well with her Dad and we get along wonderfully. So, how can I say anything negative to him about her behavior towards me? Bite my tongue, bite my tongue!

Ok now that is a ramble, but it feels good to get it out.