Trying to believe

[Rusty-576]

I am not to sure if this is the right place for this post ....here goes... I lost my son 5 months ago in a skateboarding accident. So many here have been such a support for a long time and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!... I have been trying to keep busy and keeping busy helps me not to think about how I really feel.
Last night a friend asked me how things really were and how I was really feeling...untill than I felt I was really doing ok...I do know why some times the long term sober people just think that one drink will be ok.....
I will not drink today...or tomorrow....but I do know that for me there is a lot more things that are in the process of falling apart. Unfortunalty I cannot change that from happening, but I do know that staying strong through our most difficult times is one of the hardest challanges that I will face.
I am not so sure what I am asking here but maybe some ideas how to look forward or maybe some of your dreams....reasons to smile

[Draggy]

Trying to believe

:l:l:l
no words rusty just a big hug
love draggy

[greeneyes]

Trying to believe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4c1woKwjWw[/video]]YouTube - You can relax now_Shaina Noll

I believe that we choose our soul challenges before we begin physical form. That others in our lives are souls like us and we come together to work with each other to meet our challenges. I believe the universe is in perfect order and that we are working our way back to peace and pure love as we struggle towards the age of awareness which is for most around mid-life and then things begin to shift.

Rusty, love, Look at some of Colin Tippings work. Radical Forgiveness Free Online Tools

I must get to a couple errands but I'll be home in a bit if you want to call. :h :l

[LVT25]

Trying to believe

Rusty, I've always admired how strong you've been through this terrible sadness in your life! I'm afraid I would have turned to the bottle right from the start even though it wouldn't help a thing. I imagine this heavy sadness is something you keep buried in order to keep strong. And I really don't have much for words either. Just know that myself and many, many others care about you and will be here to help you in any way we can. :l

[caysea]

Trying to believe

Hi Rusty
It is good to reach out to your many friends here at myo. i know that you are well loved by us and have helped many of us in our struggles. I find it hard to place myself in your situation. I am at a loss at what to say that can possible give you understanding to life's events. I am sure their are others here that can.
We did start at the same time with the same goal to get al out of our lives. We have both succeeded in doing that. It is now that we face life without the crutch that numbed us, that presents the biggest challenge. The one thing I do know as an alcoholic is that i can't have one drink. I know that my sobriety is the most important thing in the world to me. With one drink I will loss everything. My life.
Simply by being with new people who I have a sport in common with and don't know my past relationship with al is giving me happiness. I feel that I am finally returning to the person I used to be and that is making me happy and confident. I am being me without hiding behind the mask of al. I am enjoying me.
It was having you and a few other people here that has been the difference in helping me recover. Sometimes because we don't see each other we don't realize the impact we have on each other. I hope it gives you happiness to be told you were important in my recovery.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[rubywillow]

Trying to believe

Rusty, you are a very important person to me here, and I have such respect for your quiet beauty and strength. It's unimaginable for me what you are going thru, and I know it will always be with you. I have several dear friends who have lost children, and nothing ever looks the same for them. Not necessarily just bad things, just that the world is somehow changed, and we see things for their real importance. You have so many who care about you here, and I hope that helps in some small way, that when you are feeling really down you can know you're in my heart. You will survive this, and I hope, learn to laugh again.

[lodestar]

Trying to believe

Dear Rusty,

I can't imagine losing anyone close and remaining so strong, especially a child. You have been so helpful to me over the past few weeks and your gentle words have helped me through a difficult time and decision to go AF. :thanks: I'm there. You are an inspiration, truly.

Sending a big hug to you, strong woman!

[wineilove]

Trying to believe

Hang in there

I lost my step sister and my step brother broke his back (while his girlfriend was hurt so bad, she went mental) and my stepsisters boyfriend died in a car accident that was caused by someone running them off the road. I wish that I knew what were the right words to say, but in all truth, what are the right words? How can anyone understand anyones pain unless they lived it. The world is a great place and a terrible place (like the tale of two cities). The advice I would give and your already doing it is to stay busy. Help someone (and in turn) you will feel better. Do something for someone who is hurt and in need - it sounds pretty bad, but if you turn from you sadness and assist someone who is sad, it kindof blocks out both. I have a hobby of wanting to assist people around me (i.e. counseling etc) - I quit my job and am going to college at 45 years of age. It will be a long road, but I'll make it. I have drank for 26 years and only now seeing the truth (it is painful, but God it feels good at the same time) - I'll pray that you find your diamond in the rough. Sadness is not a temporary thing, it lasts forever...



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Rusty-576;748058 wrote: I am not to sure if this is the right place for this post ....here goes... I lost my son 5 months ago in a skateboarding accident. So many here have been such a support for a long time and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!... I have been trying to keep busy and keeping busy helps me not to think about how I really feel.
Last night a friend asked me how things really were and how I was really feeling...untill than I felt I was really doing ok...I do know why some times the long term sober people just think that one drink will be ok.....
I will not drink today...or tomorrow....but I do know that for me there is a lot more things that are in the process of falling apart. Unfortunalty I cannot change that from happening, but I do know that staying strong through our most difficult times is one of the hardest challanges that I will face.
I am not so sure what I am asking here but maybe some ideas how to look forward or maybe some of your dreams....reasons to smile

[KateH1]

Trying to believe

Hi Rusty, I consider you a very dear friend here at mwo......if the distance were not so great, we would have met in person by now. I admire you so much for your comittment to your sobriety, you are such a shining example of why there is "Never a REASON to Take That First Drink". It is like you, yourself said in chat a few nights ago, drinking would do nothing to ease your pain, but it would do a lot to destroying your quality of life. Smart lady!

Rusty, my thoughts are that this is all still very fresh, you are still very much in the grieving process and with the holidays upon us, I am sure that this time will be difficult and a bit lonely. If you can, I would push yourself a bit to be around others, even if you are quiet, just be with people. Reading is a huge relief for me........perhaps read, especially books on how other women have transformed their lives during difficult times, books like, "Eat, Pray, Love" or "A Year By The Sea".....You have a lot of life ahead of you and you are doing all the right things for your live to continue to evolve and to one day soon not be so painful.

I am always here for you, pm me anytime....You are a Precious Jewel,

Love,
XXX Kate

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Trying to believe

I`m sorry that I have no great words of wisdom to offer you, Rusty. My heart goes out to you. Please know that I care. :l

Star x

[Guitarista]

Trying to believe

Thinking of you Rusty, from way over here.

[Emmy]

Trying to believe

:l Rusty , My thoughts & prayers are with you and your family , you are truly an inspiration , your son would be so proud of you :l Em

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Trying to believe

Oh Rusty, I truly feel your pain. I too have walked in your shoes and I fell into a bottle for many years. It all seems so bleak but time does help to heal the raw pain of it all.
As Emmy says your son would be so proud of you today. I am.

I found this song very personal and it both touched me and helped me through some very dark days. I hope it helps you to find some solace.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7g2IlaDLVLo[/video]]YouTube - Eric Clapton Tears in Heaven Unplugged High Quality Live TV Recording

Keep safe :l
KTAB

[brittzak]

Trying to believe

Rusty,
I would encourage you to seek out a support group. You may feel you are not ready to talk in person, outloud about your pain...that is OK! Sit in the room with other Mother's that KNOW your grief. You will find peace in it. Trust me, no one will expect you to talk until you are ready. If you prefer to seek support online...visit a site called GROWW. Everyone on that site is grieving. There are people there 24/7 as well for times when you can't sleep.

[KateH1]

Trying to believe

Rusty,
It was nice chatting with you this morning....It has gotten me thinking....about "Being Strong"....I think sometimes, perhaps, most times, when we are looked upon as strong....and we build walls around us to protect both ourselves and others....we create an environment around us that makes us appear too strong to be vulnerable. Yet, at times, we are truly the most vulnerable because we do not know how to reach out...we sometimes fear that showing our vulnerability is to be pitiful...drama queens and the like......when nothing is farther from the truth. These are lessons that I am still learning.....to be vulnerable to show my weakness and to reach out! If nothing else.....put on an ABBA cd and rock out!

Be well my friend....sending you peace and comfort,

XXX Kate