NO-Bender Challenge

[roberta930]

NO-Bender Challenge

Hi Elsa- At least your dogs can be trusted to keep their mouths zipped! a bit like my cat- but sometimes she gives me "that look" or maybe I'm imagining it- guilt does things to you! In some ways it may be good that you're working so much at Xmas as it might be easier to stay off the poison. I'm certainly not looking forward to it- a lot of relatives give booze to us as presents and I wish they wouldn't- but can't really say somthing. Perhaps you could get some really favourite chocolate in for those desperate moments? it's about the only thing that helps with me and being a bit fatter is better than being smashed and hating myself for the next week. I did try that 3% AL wine but found that I was drinking three times more of it! It's almost like my body has decided on the necessary quota per session and I end up supplying it- madness.
A.C. and hdb - you seem to be pretty organised and your husbands sound v.supportive- hope it works out well for you.
Love R X

[Miss Behaving]

NO-Bender Challenge

hi everybody,

sorry I have been a bit MIA over recent weeks .... think most of you know that I have a few things on my plate at the moment and that there are always things that need to be dealt with around those things at the moment!

I haven't been perfect, but I have been managing - sometimes better than others. Elsa and Roberta ... I swear my cats disapprove of my drinking!! Particularly if I pour wine before I put cat biscuits in the food bowl. I can almost here them say "You neeed to get your priorities right" :H

I always get interested in peoples discussion about their partner's reactions ....... haven't got time to go into it now, but uncle mame has adopted a "I will not stand in the way of your drinking" attitude. His view is that our relationship is a really good one, even though it isn't as good as it might be ... and that he will stick by me no matter what. ((and he is not a drinker - one glass of wine at a time 2-3 times a week is enough for him) As much as it makes me feel very secure, I sometimes feel like I need more support from him. His response to that is that if I cant do it for myself, then it wont be sustainable. in a theoretical sense I think he is right, but getting too the 30-day mark has eluded me for 3 months now and I'm not feeling good about that

[Elsa]

NO-Bender Challenge

Hi
Good to have you back Aunty Mame, hope you are well and taking some time for yourself as well as everyone you are looking after. Your Uncle may be worried about you resenting him if he interferes, I know I could get quite touchy if someone critisised my drinking, whoever they were. I'm not saying you would react that way, but he sincerly might be worried about not damaging the friendship you have. I've yet to make the 30 day mark myself, by a long way, but I am getting better, just slower than I hoped. I think I initially thought I'd just decide 'no more' and that would be that, but it is a lot harder than that as you already know, just keep going, we will all get there.
Roberta - everyone always buys me wine as well, and I have no idea how to tell them not to without admitting that I have a problem. I have said to a few people who have asked me to join them for a drink that I can't drink as I'm on a diet, but I can't drop any heavier hints than that just in case they ask more questions. My chocolate intake has gone up alot since trying to give up, sometimes it is the only thing that will work for me too. You still sound like you are being very hard on yourself, you are not a mess, you are just in a difficult place right now, be kind to yourself and things will get better. Also, cats are very good at giving 'the look' for no reason at all, I had a blind cat once who could still give me disaproving looks, and she had no idea what I was doing.
Friday night for me and I've caved, again, just 3 glasses of wine, which for me is pretty good, what is it with me and Fridays?
Take care:l

[roberta930]

NO-Bender Challenge

Thanks Elsa! you know my life!!!! X

[roberta930]

NO-Bender Challenge

Hi and welcome back Aunty M- its always good to hear that other peoples cats are as judgmental as mine! and you sound as though your life is pretty traumatic- also!
Elsa- don't punish yourself too much -you're so strong and sound as though you can really conquer the problem!- Friday night was/is still a problem for me also - have you always had a full-time job?- because if so Friday nite is usually the only time most of us feel we can let go!(especially full-time working women- of which I am one)- Even when I didn't drink to major excess-(over 20 yrs ago) Friday nite was a time when I always had 2 or three! - unfortunately it was also always the time when my elderly brother/sister in-laws decided to" drop in and see us"
as they were bored and had no life/jobs! and their children/ married with small children had sensibly moved away from the area-so they would drop in after doing their late nite shop at around 8-9 o'clock when we had finished dinner and just about got children ready for bed and about to collapse/relax and then they would expect us & children to entertain them till about 11pm! grrrrrr-I just thank God they didn't call the social workers in!!!-as we probably acted as though we hated them. having latterly spoken to friends with similar problems- they were amazed that we bothered to open the door.
It's weird though-because I also tend to look on having "a drink" as a treat- maybe we are so deprived that this is one of the things we think we can privately reward ourselves with!? (apart from chocolate- time to stick with the chocolate!)
I don't feel too bad tonite(only 2 drinks- thank God!) - and have decided to go AF if I can for the next 30 days -after all I managed 13 days for the beginning of Nov (first time in over 20yrs) thanks to all of you and your support -so maybe I can do it again and move onwards to full time AF. At least I now feel it is possible and achievable!
Love to All R X

[Elsa]

NO-Bender Challenge

Hi
Roberta - 13 days is a real acheivement, as is just stopping at 2 drinks when you start, you can do this.
I eventually stopped at 4 on Friday, as the bottle ran out, I'm not kidding myself I would have had the strength to stop if there was any more in the house. On Saturday I was back on track, just dissapointed in myself that I'm back to day 2 again now. I must learn not to drink just because someone else is, I can't ask them not to drink, this is my problem not theirs, and I must solve it. I have always worked full time and Friday night has always been 'my time', before I do all the 'must do' weekend stuff. Thank God the relatives did'nt drop round on me on Fridays nights or there would have been a murder.
Good luck with your 30 days, I will try to join you, but I think I'll have to break it up into smaller sections so it does'nt sound so scarey.
Take care:l

[Elsa]

NO-Bender Challenge

Hi
Last day of the challenge, how is everyone?
I managed 20 AF days this month, not great but the most I've done in over 10 years, and I aim to do better next month. A big thank you to you all for your support.:thanks:
Hope you all have a good day, take care.:l

[hdb]

NO-Bender Challenge

Hi All

Well its our last day and we have all had our bumps in the road along the way but I think we should all be proud of our achievements. Prior to doing this and OctSOBER I was drinking every night, I have not yet thought of it that way just concentrated on my slip ups! So yep well done us

Are we going to continue into Dec? I will join you Elsa and Roberta x

Have a good AF day all - glad you are OK Aunty Mame sorry that you have family ill I hope they get better soon x

[drylifeahead]

NO-Bender Challenge

Good morning all...

I`ve been meaning to post on this thread for weeks now...it`s soooo long that I`ll have to wait til this afternoon to get caught up, but want to say I`m still with you all, still living a sober life YAHOO, and intend on keeping it that way!!!

Catch you all later today, I hope everyone`s meeting their goals as well

DLA :h:l:h

[Angelcakes]

NO-Bender Challenge

Oops,missed the last day of No-bender!!
Well, I had 2 beers on Sunday evening (actually didn't finish the 2nd one)...that was Day 29!!! Probably says a lot about me. I enjoyed the first one but couldn't finish the second & of course I felt disappointed as 30 days was the goal...but really I did good.
I've learnt a lot...I never thought I was depressed before but I feel a lot happier being AF so I'm going to continue...at least until we go camping in a couple of weeks.
Elsa, Roberta, hdb, Mame Mama Zum & everyone else - thanks for all the encouragement & understanding - I could have done it without you (because we do this for ourselves) but your support has made it much more manageable...I'm glad I had this opportunity to make some new friends here.
Thanks guys.
xo

[Elsa]

NO-Bender Challenge

Hi
Angelcakes - I've noticed how much happier I've been this month as well, no more dark thoughts every single day, and enjoying living again, definately want this is continue.
hdb - I think thats one of the things that is hard for us to see when AL is in control, our good points and our acheivements.
So :wd::wd:to all of us.
We need a new name for December, I'd love for this thread to keep going, it has been really good to talk to you all. Any suggestions?
Take care:l

[hdb]

NO-Bender Challenge

Well done dry, angel and all of us

I would like to stay on a thread for December - but am rubbish at thinking up names - DeSOBER .. see I told you I was rubbish Have a good day its gorgeous and frosty here - feels all Christmasy!

[roberta930]

NO-Bender Challenge

Hi All- Am going to try really hard for what will probably be one of the hardest 30 day no-benders yet! I haven't been able to get on-line in privacy for a few days and have really missed everyone.Like you Elsa, the dark moments seem to be fewer- knowing there are others out there struggling with the same feelings. You're right hdb about even "managing to not drink every day" being a step forward and never thought I could do it- but it is possible after all.
This first week will hopefully be a bit easier for me -as I have lots of driving people around in the evenings and by the time I finally get home the feeling/temptation should have worn off. Between 6-8 is my worst time.
Hope you & your family are coping Aunty M and good luck ACakes- you sound positive-hope the camping trip is good- it's literally freezing here!
Welcome DNLife- this is a brilliant site for support.
Like your new avatar Elsa- am still trying to think of a title for the NB.
Love to all- R X

[Elsa]

NO-Bender Challenge

I know this thread should be dead today, but, I need to vent. The work bully turned up today, to say hello to his mates, not to work obviously as he is off sick for 6 months (he gets 6 months full pay off sick, then after six months is cured, and comes back for a few months, then goes off sick for another six months after causing as much trouble as he can - he has been doing this for over ten years and because of the ridiculous laws in this country our management hasn't got the balls to sack him). Just seeing him made me so angry, so stupid me comes home and opens a bottle of wine I'd bought for a present for a friend, so now not only do I feel like a complete idiot, I have to go shopping again.
Ok, so what have I learnt, that anger is definately one of my triggers, and I need to find a way to cope with it, and that maybe I should buy my friends boxes of chocolates for a while instead of wine.
Sorry to rant, but I hate workshy morans who play victims but who are really manipulative bullies, and I hate incompetant managers who haven't got the balls to manage effectively.
Tomorrow I will go shopping and buy a box of chocs for my friend, and get out my yoga or meditation cds when I get home instead hitting the bottle, OK rant over.
Hi roberta - good move volunteering to drive, always makes it easier as no one expects you to drink. Good luck.
Take care:l

[Angelcakes]

NO-Bender Challenge

Hey Elsa - getting angry with people is a real trigger for me- my last binge was when I got pissed off with my neighbour. But I learnt from it (as you have done) and from now on I'm not gonna let people get me down like that - they can make me angry or pissed off but I'm not going to let them further hurt me by making me drink - I have control over that, no-one else. It's empowering.
I'm gonna start a new thread - AF December challenge??

xo