What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

[drylifeahead]

This isn't a need help asap, so wasn't sure where else to post.

Hi there,

In a nutshell...
I decided to change my life back in early October. I also live with an alcoholic. Once I had a couple weeks of being AF, she decided to join me. Her struggle seemed to be
tougher, she went on librium to help. She has now been on it for 3 weeks or so.

She admitted to drinking while I went away for the weekend 2 weekends ago. Ok, I held her hand for those first couple weeks, and just thought she needs to stay
busy and remember how much she wants this. This has to be her choice.

Last night I was pretty sure I smelled alcohol. Like a person who is quitting smoking, you can smell that stuff from across the street, or in passing cars that have
smokers in it. I think I am pretty sensitive to the smell of alcohol, but even so, I convinced myself I must be wrong. Well, I wasn't. Tonight the same thing
and after being suspicious for a few hours, she came up to ask me something, and I could clearly smell it on her breath.

I don't think I should confront her. What do you think? My figuring is that if she wanted to talk about it with me, she would. I'm also figuring she feels badly
and I don't want her to feel worse. But, I don't think she should be taking librium and drinking. She canceled her doctors appointment today blaming it on a sore throat.

I also don't want to take all this on my shoulders. I have my own sobriety to stay focused on. I'm worried because when she drinks she gets all paranoid and nasty, and sometimes becomes a crumbling crying mess. I'm hoping to move out the next couple months, and have been actively searching out a new home.

How can I cope in the meantime? I hate this.

DLA

[greeneyes]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

I wish I had some sage words of advice for you DLA. I just wanted you to know I am listening and empathize. :l

[drylifeahead]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

Thanks greeneyes!

Yes, I wouldn't honestly know what to say either, but figure I am too close to the situation to reason it out.
Also, I should add she is my room mate, I've known her for over 20 years, and when I moved back to my hometown she took me in temporarily. I guess I owe her more than just walking away...which I want to do, so sorry to say. (I feel like such a bitch) This has been a problem for her since we were teens...just living with it I see how terrible it's become for her.
DLA

[KateH1]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

Hi Drylife,
Gosh, this all sounds very difficult. I really admire you for staying strong and protecting your own sobriety. You are doing what you need to do and what you deserve in your life and that is definitely the right thing.

Here are my thoughts, honesty is really important when we afre in recovery. To me, honestly means not sweeping things under the rug. I also agree that drinking on medication can be very dangerous. We know, that no one can or will get sober unless they themselves decide to comitt. Perhaps you should tell your friend that you understand if she is not ready to stop drinking. Voice your concern over drinking while on medication. I hate to see you stressed out by trying to "keep her secret". Just some thoughts, that I thought I would share.

Best Wishes,
Kate

[drylifeahead]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

You're right Kate.
I know I have to, but not sure how to broach. Just come right out with it? Your suggestion of voicing my
concern of mixing the librium and vodka seems the best way to go. And I suppose I should do this tomorrow while it is still
morning, and she is sober.

This evening while thinking about it I have decided to not enable her at all. No driving her kids when she is 'sick' (hungover)
Unless of course the kids are in danger-but I'll have some pretty serious words with her after.
No running to the liquor store for her of course, and no picking up some mix for her while I am out. No nothing. I'll be there bells on when and
if the time ever comes she is ready, and I'll let her know that.

Damn it!

The house was so much calmer the last few weeks. Even if I hadn't smelled it, her personality changes, just like mine did...

DLA

[hdb]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

Hi DLA,

I know you started around the same time as me, you popped onto the OctSOBER thread I seem to remember and I see you are doing fantastically well - well done

Being in the same place as you at the moment I am more worried about your sobriety than your mates, stress (as of course you know) is a trigger to drink which is why I worry about you x I would have the one chat as you suggested but it has to be in her heart - no one can make her do it, we know that only to well unfortunately, I just dont want her to drain your resolve. I experience similar here at home where I think my hubby should not drink as much as he does but there is only him who can change that. I do feel for you and your mate but if I was to be honest I think its best you have the one chat and then move yourself out of there, we are not strong enough yet to be a crutch for anyone else?s habits.

Sorry if this seems a bit harsh to your friend, I don't mean to be, I just know how hard we have had to work to get to where we are today.

All the best DLA and well done on your AF x

[rubywillow]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

It's wonderful to care about your friend. But as everyone has said, it's your sobriety at stake, and that's what is important. Maybe speed up your house hunt, and begin to distance yourself in such a way you develop new friends, new lifestyles, new non-drinking outlets. Your friend will be able to learn from your example and success. Never let her feel she's being judged, or abandoned. We can hope she will want what you have enough to ask for help. Remember, your shoulders are only strong enough for you right now.

[drylifeahead]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

*I took out this post I had deleted because I felt bad anyone had to read it. I think I am pmsing*

Thank you for your concern hdb. I'll be ok, and very very careful. Congratulations on your success!!!!!!!


DLA

[drylifeahead]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

You're right rubywillow. Tonight I made plans to be with another close friend and her family with one of my sons. She doesn't drink.


After checking out the gym, I'll grab a paper and look at some places.

[Doggygirl]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

Hi DLA. It seems you have already gotten some very sound feedback. I just wanted to add my words of support. Protect your own sobriety first and foremost.

You are doing great!! Don't put your sobriety in jeapardy over anyone else.

DG

[drylifeahead]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

It is all sound advice Doggygirl, and I'm paying attention. :h:h

This eve went to my friends house, and before our walk we went online and looked at apts.
Found a 3 bedroom for 500 plus utilities. So I called the owner and I go view it tomorrow.
Of course I am not expecting a real nice place, but the real nice place I am currently staying in turns out not so nice after all. Visually stunning, emotionally draining.

I'll just picture it with a new paint job, and fingers crossed that is all it will need. Probably a good dose of elbow grease. It's right across from a skateboard park. My boys will LOVE that!!!

I could have it in 2 weeks. 10am Thursday morning I will know. Wish me luck...

:thanks: again, DLA

[redhibiscus]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

Good luck on your hunt for a place to live. I know that you have to put yourself first, your sobriety is your life. If we don't insist on a stable environment, we put ourselves at risk. I was doing really well and attended an extended family time and again drank wine. Not like before, didn't get drunk, but realized that I have to chose my environment very carefully for now. I love being AF and I can tell you do also. Positive thoughts being sent your way.

[KateH1]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

DLA, we will be waiting to hear about your new place! It may not be a palace, but it will be yours! Just another stepping stone on your journey to a sober and fulfilling life! Keep us posted on how this works out for you.

And...remember, you can still be supportive of your friend. You can still be there when she is ready to choose sobriety for herself. But, in the meantime, you are staying strong and moving forward with a healthy life for yourself!

[drylifeahead]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

redhibiscus;755304 wrote: Good luck on your hunt for a place to live. I know that you have to put yourself first, your sobriety is your life. If we don't insist on a stable environment, we put ourselves at risk. I was doing really well and attended an extended family time and again drank wine. Not like before, didn't get drunk, but realized that I have to chose my environment very carefully for now. I love being AF and I can tell you do also. Positive thoughts being sent your way.

I do redhibiscus and am happy to hear you do as well. My environments still get monitored..missed a few parties, but I think by the time Xmas parties start in a week or two, I should be safer.

KateH1, it wasn't a palace, but sure has potential. Owner is into renovations, and is redoing bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchen, replacing all floors with hardwood. Yippeeeee. I get to do the swiffer dance again!:H:H:H

If I get it...should know in a day or two. Will let you know..
DLA :h:h

[rubywillow]

What are the chances of 2 drinkers going dry together?

DLA, sounds wonderful! You are doing great!!