Well I am not quite sure why I didn't wait until 100 days but I figure it doesn't really make a difference. I am not going to drink again. I have found that being able to conquer yourself through eliminating alcohol completely is an experience that adds to so many other facets of your life. I can't remember the last time I was as clear as I am now.
I, like so many, had to hit what I consider the rock bottom point in my life to quit. I think back on the day now and just shudder with regret. I think back on many points in my life in the last 6 or so years (I am 29 for those of you who don't know me) and just shudder with regret. Sometimes I even voice it aloud like " I can't believe I did that ".
Well I tell you what. I have not had one moment in the last 94 days that I regret. Everyone makes mistakes - that is a part of life, I am not perfect, that is not what I mean to imply. What I mean is REGRET regret. Everyone on this site knows what i am talking about. When your stomach is twisted inside out, you have enough guilt in your mind to give equal portions to the entire population of Australia, and you go back and drink again and get caught in the endless cycle.
I have not had temptations at all, in fact if I had to describe my relationship with alcohol right now the best description would be that I view it as a glass of poison. If I had to describe an emotion I would go with fear. I have no problem attending events where everyone is blind drunk, I have no problem buying others drinks and myself a pint of diet coke. I have no problem carrying drinks I do however know exactly where I will end up in life if I ever drink again and it is not a nice place. In jail or dead or both. That simple. So it makes the above easy.
I honestly think I have something like an alcohol induced schizophrenic episode when I go over the line that I never saw coming. I never remember anything at all. Not even flashes and everyone says I am just a completely different person. My nature is that of probably over-caring about people. Hence leaving myself open to emotional damage from those who don't share a similar nature. I am a monster when I am over that line and black out and that scares the shit out of me. I am also a big guy which will lead me onto the next thing I want to say.
I was 6'5 and was 124kg. That's what I weighed in at when I went to rehab (I had quit alcohol completely before I went to rehab and made the decision I would never drink again) I think that is absolutely mandatory if you are going to succeed at rehab. If someone had dumped me in rehab a few years back it wouldn't have made a difference at all. I didn't want to stop drinking. Because I had made the decision prior to attending I got a phenomenal amount out of it. I was focussed like a racehorse with blinkers on.
I find now that I can make decisions in my life - big decisions and stick to them. Before I started drinking out of control I used to lift weights. I used to enjoy it but I would always do maybe a month and then quit. Then pick it up again a few months later. I never did any cardio at all. Not if I could avoid it. I shattered my wrist while under the influence of alcohol in 18 places by falling out of bed drunk. This is Feb 2008. It is going to be about 6 more weeks before it is 100% healed and I can start lifting again which I will. However I have been able to do situps and cardio and guess what, I do them every day. Without fail. I changed my mindset in the same way that I did with alcohol. Once the mindset is there you just do it. One hour of cardio - punishing cardio that I never would have ever even considered before and situps. I am also completely in charge of what I eat - there are no cravings, no giving in, no nothing. I have cut what I used to eat by 2/3rds. 94 days after quitting alcohol I am now at 107kg, I feel extremely fit and I have lost mountains of body fat.
The point of all this information is - your brain. If you are stuck in second and never shift to third you aren't ever going to be able to go faster are you - well thats an analogy anyway. It's all mindset people - everything in life. I honestly believe it is conquering yourself that will set you free. The self confidence comes back, integrity comes back, all that you lost slowly starts coming back and you feel whole again. Like a real bone fide person.
The message? I swear here and now, hand to god, that anyone and everyone on this site can do the same if you choose to. You have to make that choice.
I apologise for the long message but when I write I know I write a lot hence only writing rarely. I like to share, it's never really been an issue for me. If anything that I have done and written about can help anyone on this site, even half way reach their respective goals I figure it was worth writing.
Hang in there everyone!! Thanks for letting me share.
I, like so many, had to hit what I consider the rock bottom point in my life to quit. I think back on the day now and just shudder with regret. I think back on many points in my life in the last 6 or so years (I am 29 for those of you who don't know me) and just shudder with regret. Sometimes I even voice it aloud like " I can't believe I did that ".
Well I tell you what. I have not had one moment in the last 94 days that I regret. Everyone makes mistakes - that is a part of life, I am not perfect, that is not what I mean to imply. What I mean is REGRET regret. Everyone on this site knows what i am talking about. When your stomach is twisted inside out, you have enough guilt in your mind to give equal portions to the entire population of Australia, and you go back and drink again and get caught in the endless cycle.
I have not had temptations at all, in fact if I had to describe my relationship with alcohol right now the best description would be that I view it as a glass of poison. If I had to describe an emotion I would go with fear. I have no problem attending events where everyone is blind drunk, I have no problem buying others drinks and myself a pint of diet coke. I have no problem carrying drinks I do however know exactly where I will end up in life if I ever drink again and it is not a nice place. In jail or dead or both. That simple. So it makes the above easy.
I honestly think I have something like an alcohol induced schizophrenic episode when I go over the line that I never saw coming. I never remember anything at all. Not even flashes and everyone says I am just a completely different person. My nature is that of probably over-caring about people. Hence leaving myself open to emotional damage from those who don't share a similar nature. I am a monster when I am over that line and black out and that scares the shit out of me. I am also a big guy which will lead me onto the next thing I want to say.
I was 6'5 and was 124kg. That's what I weighed in at when I went to rehab (I had quit alcohol completely before I went to rehab and made the decision I would never drink again) I think that is absolutely mandatory if you are going to succeed at rehab. If someone had dumped me in rehab a few years back it wouldn't have made a difference at all. I didn't want to stop drinking. Because I had made the decision prior to attending I got a phenomenal amount out of it. I was focussed like a racehorse with blinkers on.
I find now that I can make decisions in my life - big decisions and stick to them. Before I started drinking out of control I used to lift weights. I used to enjoy it but I would always do maybe a month and then quit. Then pick it up again a few months later. I never did any cardio at all. Not if I could avoid it. I shattered my wrist while under the influence of alcohol in 18 places by falling out of bed drunk. This is Feb 2008. It is going to be about 6 more weeks before it is 100% healed and I can start lifting again which I will. However I have been able to do situps and cardio and guess what, I do them every day. Without fail. I changed my mindset in the same way that I did with alcohol. Once the mindset is there you just do it. One hour of cardio - punishing cardio that I never would have ever even considered before and situps. I am also completely in charge of what I eat - there are no cravings, no giving in, no nothing. I have cut what I used to eat by 2/3rds. 94 days after quitting alcohol I am now at 107kg, I feel extremely fit and I have lost mountains of body fat.
The point of all this information is - your brain. If you are stuck in second and never shift to third you aren't ever going to be able to go faster are you - well thats an analogy anyway. It's all mindset people - everything in life. I honestly believe it is conquering yourself that will set you free. The self confidence comes back, integrity comes back, all that you lost slowly starts coming back and you feel whole again. Like a real bone fide person.
The message? I swear here and now, hand to god, that anyone and everyone on this site can do the same if you choose to. You have to make that choice.
I apologise for the long message but when I write I know I write a lot hence only writing rarely. I like to share, it's never really been an issue for me. If anything that I have done and written about can help anyone on this site, even half way reach their respective goals I figure it was worth writing.
Hang in there everyone!! Thanks for letting me share.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
).........it`s more than apparent that you have made your resolute choice and are wholeheartedly committed to same. 
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