Christmas - someone had to mention it !

[adi]

I'll get this off my chest if I may.

The most depressing time of the year for me.
Kids at school always used to make fun because we never got much, and you had to say in class what you all had. It's hard to get excited by a walnut, a tangerine and a free TSB credit card wallet- when you're 8.

Now married with wife and kids, she gets so stressed and moody, on a spend-fest with credit cards, we still haven't paid last years off yet. Food the finest, most of it goes in the bin because we have to show off in front of the sister in law. 3 starters, but we can't ask before hand ?
I do most of the big present shopping but do it man stlye, decided exactly what I'm getting, where from and do it in one hit, but my wife gets the smaller things which she browses for which end up costing 3 times the amount and the children don't really want or don't get round to playing with.

This year we are having all the family over, it's our 3 year turn.
Sister in-law expects her food first, last time she moaned because she had to wait, because we dished the children's meat up first, and her dad as he is diabetic.

I lost my temper because I'd drunk too much mulled wine in anticipation of the event.
I didn't openly loose it but the tone in my reply and the fact that I had a face like a spanked arse for the next hour probably told a thousand tales.

I'm going to try to be al-free this time, the kids are old enough to notice.

Funny, christmas day is the 1 day a year I drink the least, probably because of the full stomach.

God give me strenght for this one.
I'm not really religious but we have lost the plot on the celebrations.

Anyone else any thoughts ?

Baa humbug !

Andrew.

[startingover]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

I am with you on this Andrew, but its only one day and one dinner, thats the way I look at it and it helps.
AF for the first time last year and it was so much better.

[Guest]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

well I love christmas..and wont be apologising for it!!

Talking of bahh humbug...go see disneys christmas carol, animation is wonderfull, wheather you like christmas or no, you will love this wonderfull film.........

[KateH1]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

When I was a child Christmas was always tense and ended in my fathers anger and my mothers drunkeness....Not Fun! But, in my adult life, I have turned things around.....we have a wonderful day, and we create special memories every year.....I am looking forward to this year.

A few years ago...with our family growing we decided that we could all give presents to the children, but, we would each draw a name for an adult gift. We set a limit on what we could spend and that has worked out very well. We always eat well! We hold Christmas dinner at a different house every year....we all contribute to the meal! This way it is never a burdon to anyone.

I guess what I really want to share here is this, it is up to each one of us, how we choose to celebrate the holidays. As with anything else, communication is key. Let's face it, it is never about the quantity, but about the quality....the quality of time and the memories.

[greeneyes]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

Last year was my first one AF. And my first one alone. It was delightful! Especially the alone part, but that's just me. Good luck adi.

[My New Beginning]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

The part I like about the Christmas holiday is family get togethers and having big meals and a lot of laughs and taking pictures! That's what matters most to me. Not the holiday shopping (which I limit drastically) or the stress.
This year both my children and their spouses will be here for 4 days. We are really looking forward to the togetherness and hopefully some snowshoeing.

[mario]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

This year will be my first sober christmas since at least 1977ish.and i am really looking forward to it,seeing my children,my family,my partner,in a happy sober state. cant wait to enjoy the happy and christmasy feeling that does go around

[brittzak]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

I don't really understand the stress. I shop early so I am prepared well before the big hoopla starts in retail. I don't have dinner with anyone I dont want to either. I don't allow the pressures family can put on you. If they don't like the way Christmas rolls at my house, eat somewhere else. Children always come first. The entire day is ALL about the kids. Does you SIL not have children? How selfish is she? I'd probably say something smart to her like....since your acting like a 5 yr old, go ahead and dish up your plate. Of course, that may cause your wife to go into a tizzy. LOL Don't stress man...talk to your wife, put a limit on spending for each child and stick to it. A lot of parents here where I live buy each child 3 gifts a piece, the rational is that is how many gifts the wisemen brought to Jesus. (I live in the bible belt) Take deep breathes and dont let family ruin your day. OH and as for the diabetic FIL, my Dad is diabetic too....tell him to eat a peanut butter cracker to hold him the 10 minutes it will take to make the childrens plates.

[redhibiscus]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

Christmas. Hmmmm. Last year I drank through the holidays, and this year will be AF. I hate the financial stress of gifts. I mean, who has an extra thousand dollars for everything?

I do enjoy Christmas music, decorations, religious services, seeing loved ones, Christmas smells, baking those special family recipes, and memories of childhood Christmases. Tonight I am starting my season by going to a Christmas night in a small town, with ice scultpures, hot cocoa, food samples, and other fun.

I agree we make our own memories. This year, for the first time, one of my grown children cannot be here. She was upset, and I told her that I love her and that she is not ever to worry about this. She has to be with her partner and they have to make their decisions about how to split time between both families. So, there it is. The Christmas Spirit. Love, joy, peace.

[Jolie]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

I love everything leading up to Christmas and then - wham - for some reason Christmas always seems like a letdown. The important thing for me is having all my family together.

Red - wonderful that you made your child feel okay about not being there for Christmas. My son is moved out on his own an 1 1/2 hours away from me just this past May. Although he will be home for the holidays, he too will be splitting his time between two different families. Tough - but guess that comes with the territory when your children grow up.

I hope to be AF this Christmas as well - can't remember a recent Christmas that I didn't have one too many glasses of wine.

Can't believe how much clearer everything is without the buzz. Trying to take it one day at a time.

Whatever all of you do for Christmas - remember that you have the support of everyone here to help you through it!

[brightlite]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

As in Kate's family, we would draw names for gifts and when my kids were little we would also buy one gift for a child at the shelter or some other charity that was going on. The kids really like this and it makes them feel like they are helping someone less fortunate at Christmas. Those are the feelings of good will and kindness that are wonderful to feel at Christmas. It's hard not to knock yourself out and spend too much, but it can be good to shift the focus a little. In any case, breath, relax and enjoy your family. Happy Holidays.

[rubywillow]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

adi, I really feel your pain in all this. If we lose sight of WHY we're gathering, celebrating, what the purpose is, then it becomes a 'monument to conspicuous consumption'. Maybe, sit your family down and ask them what they really want from this holiday. Explain what the rest of the world knows, that everyone is cutting back and trying to be more practical. Don't allow yourself to pay for your own evening of torture. Talk to your wife ahead of time, set up a plan, and stick together if any rude better-than-thou wants special treatment. I truly can't imagine. This is your home, and you can call the shots. I hope you find the true Christmas spirit again. I have always, in the eye's of children.

And adi, lighten up! Your paying for a celebration, so CELEBRATE! Soberly, happily, any way that helps you celebrate the season. It's supposed to be fun! Start off with this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTiovEwBZu4[/video]]YouTube - Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

[JackieClaire]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

Hi adi,

I love Christmas ever since I realized it was just Sunday dinner with a turkey and a bit of tinsel.

This will be my 3rd AF Christmas in 5 years. Can't really remember the 2 I drank through.

A thought for your SIL and her father. Why not buy 2 frozen turkey dinners and show her where the microwave is (or is that just too evil).

Take care. You'll love it.

J x

[hippie37]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

I'm going to see the musical 'Scrooged' on Tuesday night courteous of Bill Kenwright who happens to be one of the patrons of the treatment center I was in. A very humble man as well considering his status! I'm not one for these sort of things but hell It gets me out the house! Hopefully some of the magic of the evening will rub off on me too as I can't stand Xmas to be honest. It's lost all its childlike innocence about it and the imagery that goes with it. It's all about spending and impressing and wanting and.............just goes on and on doesn't it. I may be an old cynic but it's just the way things have gotten these days. Father Xmas joined the dole queue many years ago!

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[dancelot]

Christmas - someone had to mention it !

Last year I had the most wonderful Christmas. I was staying at a friends farm, caring for the horses, because she had a back injury and was basically disabled. Her friend who also lives on the property and helps out had gone out of town for a week. My friend normally goes to extreme lengths decorating, cooking, etc, but could barely move.

I spent the week doing all the farm work, house cleaning, cooking, etc. On Christmas Eve I drove her 25 miles to a doctor's appointment. On the way back we stopped and picked up barbeque (a Christmas Eve tradition my mother came up with a long time ago - barbequed ribs!). We made a quick stop at Walmart, got one of those spindly potted trees, a couple of real pine wreaths, and a few bows and lights.

After evening feeding of all the horses, dogs, and cats, we had our ribs, watched some Christmasy show on TV, played Christmas music, decorated our little tree, and it was so simple and so fun. As I walked back down to the barn apartment in the cold, crisp air and saw all the stars (something you don't get in the city), it just brought such joy. Reminded me of the Christmas story you heard in church as a little kid, brought back that feeling when you hear of them riding the donkey, looking for an inn on a cold clear night. Then ending up in a stable (me too!). Then smelling my pine wreath when I got inside. Just heaven, and how Christmas should be.

(Just so you all know, I'm generally a big cynic, dislike the materialism and fake cheer and family pressure and try to ignore and avoid Christmas until the last minute!)