sick and tired

[jaxx]

i have been reading your messages for about 2 weeks now. this is my first post (actually second but i think the first one didnt really count).

i am a drinker of a 6 pack a day for about 15 years. my nose is red. my cheeks are fulll of spider veins, and im sick and tired of the whole damn thing. every waking moment is filled with thoughts of drinking or not drinking. i find myself looking up my health on the internet.

i've tried camprol first, then kudzu rescue, then antibuse. i did good on the antibuse but then stopped because something inside me said that it takes away my choice to decide. i do think however that the kudze rescue would have helped with the cravings but i didnt take it long enough. i only took it for a month. what do you think?

last night i woke up out of a dead sleep, thinking, what can i do to stop. what can i do???
ive been drinking for 15 years; tried stopping for the last 5.

i'm going to buy the book you all speak so highly of...... but is that enough?

someone tell me, help me. i need to know the secret.

ive been doing the drink tracker everyday so take a look. im on my 5th tonight.

[rubywillow]

sick and tired

Jaxx, there is no secret. It's what is in us, that we really want to do. I more than anyone wish there was a magic bullet, but it ain't there. But we are, and years of experience, miles of travelling the very roads you are on. You need a plan, a purpose, and people who will care about your success. It's all here. Tell US how we can help you.

[JackieClaire]

sick and tired

:welcome:

Hi Jaxx,
You've got my nickname

You've made a huge step today by reaching out.
I bought the book and read it. It has helped masses of people here.
With the help of my doctor,the back up of my immediate family and the lovely people here I've finally found happiness with out alcohol.

For now stay close,keep reading. Pop into to the newbies nest and say hello. I'll look out for you.

Love Jackie xxx

:l

[drylifeahead]

sick and tired

Hi jaxx and welcome to MWO. :welcome:

Jaxx, there is no secret, there are only tools to help you achieve sobriety. MWO is one, supplements are another, AA yet another.
There is the combination of all if you so choose. What works for one, may not work for another and I applaud you for trying
a few different methods. And the fact you continue to try..

I'd suggest you keep reading, check out the 'tool box' in the monthly abstinence section. I'd post the link but can't remember how.
Ask questions whenever they occur to you, there are many many on here who are always ready to lend a hand.

Good luck on your journey.
DLA :l

[jaxx]

sick and tired

i made a stop date. jan 3. (my 3rd so far) . it has to be a date that doesnt mean anything i think.

i do need your help; everyones help. i cant by myself. i realise that now.

how can something so meaningless become something so big?

[drylifeahead]

sick and tired

jaxx, does today mean anything, tomorrow?
Is this Monday important?
Just wondering why you chose Jan 3rd..where your thinking is right now.

Everyone will help as much as they can, no worries!!!

DLA

[jaxx]

sick and tired

problem with AA is, is that i am an american living in belgium now. i do speak dutch, but only enouth to really get by. i dont think i could really express myself in a forum of those who dont speak english.

that is what i have you all for right? can you all be my AA?

[jaxx]

sick and tired

i have read that it is better to choose a stop date somewhere in the future. a date to write on paper and put on the fridge, somehow making the mind to remeber that date will make it easier to stop. (tricking the booze brain perhaps)

if you prepare your mind then it should be easier to go through with what you have planned. (so ive read). what is your experience?

[JackieClaire]

sick and tired

Jaxx,

My day picked me as I was so ill with this terrible disease,I couldn't put it off any longer.


J x

[jaxx]

sick and tired

and how are you feeling now? i see you stopped in july of this year. how did you stop?

[drylifeahead]

sick and tired

jaxx, I ask because in my experience when I put it so far into the future, that then seemed to 'give' me the ok to drink like a fool til then.
The day would arrive, and I would be no better off than when I decided earlier of that day to pick.
The cycle goes round and round...seemingly never ending.
Like Jackieclaire, my day picked me pretty much, and I just had to succumb to the knowledge I could not drink, surrender to whatever I could get my hands on to help me.

DLA :h:l

[jaxx]

sick and tired

isnt it just that though? drinking until you cant drink anymore? i chose the day; thinking i will (try) to be good and moderate. then i think, if i do drink so much, everyday after that i would feel bad; that then, i will remember those feelings of guilt, therefore tricking myself into believing i dont have to drink.

it is a very complicating view of thinking.

somehow i feel that if i stop drinking then i will not be "jaxx" anymore. have you ever felt that way? who do you become after not drinking when you have drunk for so many years?

[JackieClaire]

sick and tired

jaxx;761379 wrote: and how are you feeling now? i see you stopped in july of this year. how did you stop?

I feel as if my life is just beginning again.

Stopping. Basically threw myself at the doctor and begged for help. He put me on a short course of diazapam to help with withdrawal symptoms and after that sheer bloody determination.

J x

[drylifeahead]

sick and tired

somehow i feel that if i stop drinking then i will not be "jaxx" anymore. have you ever felt that way?
who do you become after not drinking when you have drunk for so many years?

Oh for sure..but then I try and remember I wasn't born drunk, who was I 10 years ago? 44 now...I want her back, she was a nice girl.
Sometimes the thought of never ever having a drink messes with my mind, makes me anxious. BUT, that is the demon alcohol
playing with my mind, and now I recognise that, so I shut it down and focus on something/anything else. It's not easy, I believe it's a learned
process, and trust me I've come on here panicking more than once.

People came to my rescue each time. They pulled me out of some very weak moments :l:l
Will power does play a huge roll..determination, and stubbornness doesn't hurt one bit

DLA :h

[jaxx]

sick and tired

when i started the antibuse the doctor put me on a medication too but i dont rember the name. they were my little pink pills. oh how i loved to little pink pills. the only thing is, is that i did research and fould them also to be addictive. he put me on a cycle for 10 days but i took them for the full subscription (30 days). i guess you could say i have an adictive personality.

i did not re subscibe. ive been on my own ever since. those where good pills though. didnt care about drinking. really didnt care about anything.