why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

[dexterhead]

I keep trying and backsliding, and I feel shitty about what I see as letting people down who have been trying to help me.
Alcohol is ruining my life in so many ways.
I live alone, so it's not harming anyone but me. But damn it, this is no way to live.
I know this is not an uncommon theme here. why do some of us go out of our way to screw up our own lives?
why am I so deep-down terrified of letting go of the wretched, unhealthy pattern I have been living?

[brightlite]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

Hi Dex,

I'm having those same thoughts. It is almost like we don't know any other way to live. We have to embrace the idea that we will live a different way, feel things differently, and be kind to ourselves. We have been doing what we do to ourselves for so long, it is very hard to break the pattern and the feelings associated with it. It is a horrible rollercoaster ride.....I just want off. Sure my legs will be shaky and wobbly for awhile, but soon I'll walk and then run.

Do you try for stretches of AF days?

[rubywillow]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

Dex, darlin', quit worrying about lettin US down. We only worry about you. You're story, your cry is not different, it's just yours. If you mess up day after day for a while, keep coming back, you're welcome. This is your place as much as ours. Read, plan, prepare. PM me if you want.

[planetjanet]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

Hi Dex,

I agree with Ruby, don't beat yourself up over this, it's a tough thing to beat and that applies to you too Brightlite. Maybe you guys should try the ODAAT (one day at a time) thread that works for me. We understand what you are going through and like Ruby advised, no matter what...keep coming back.

Lots of hugs,
Janet

[Guest]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

Hi Dex natural human reaction you are afraid of change....some times you got to drag your whole being and self to a new spot ..to begin the change thats needed.. the self hates change.... set patterns of behaviour are its comfy bed..changing the bedding is essential you will eventually have the best sleep you have ever had just drag that that old self into a new home
Reg

[redhibiscus]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

Dexter,
I also have messed up numerous times, but have been welcomed back time and again. Can you see some progress? I know for me this is a journey, not something I have been able to do all at once. When I say AF Day 8, that does not tell the whole story. When I first came here, I drank almost every day of the week. Now, over time, my pattern has changed bigtime. Since August I have slipped about 5 times. For me, that is progress.

But it is still hard and I also get upset and wonder what the he** is going on with me. I want this AF life so badly, but then I get upset, or lonely, or whatever, and drink again. So, plan and keep trying. We are here for you.

[brightlite]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

Dex,

If you didn't read this post by Irish Eyes, it may help a little to change your thinking.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...elf-38533.html

[gyco]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

hey dex i do wish you well,all come back later ,life is not tough,we make it hard on are selves

[MF]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

Hi Dex,

I really identify with what you say: 'why am I so deep-down terrified of letting go of the wretched, unhealthy pattern I have been living?'

I felt just like that when I decided to stop drinking. I knew AL was bad for me, but I felt like drinking was part of my identity. I'd been drinking most of my life.

When doctors, relatives, colleagues told me I should stop I felt they were attacking me personally, rather than trying to help. 'How do they know who I am, what's good for me?' 'If they take away my drinking, what else will they take from me?' etc.

I've found, through MWO, AA meetings etc. that drinking was actually stopping me living my life the way I wanted it. Now I feel I'm back in charge of my life - at least partly anyway!

Take care and look forward to hearing how you get on. (p.s. love the Avatar!!)

MF

[Kimberley]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

why am I so deep-down terrified of letting go of the wretched, unhealthy pattern I have been living?


Dexter, I hear this loud and clear and still don't understand it. I think it is having to do with LOW SELF-ESTEEM in many cases.

I have got a great job I love and my life has improved immeasurably since I stopped drinking so much. Nearly screwed the job up big time by turning up drunk to work. WHYYYY????

[Angelcakes]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

Hmmm, you pose an interesting question Dex...they don't call it alcohol abuse for nothing. I guess we abuse ourselves with alcohol and to fully heal we have to work out what it is about ourselves that we think deserves abuse.
You deserve good things for you.

xo

[Popeye]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

Hi again dexterhead,
A lot of the fear is of letting go of what we perceive as a lifeline and trusting ourselves to manage without it. I spent many years using booze to help me get away from the shitty life I thought I was leading and found that it often made it worse. I'd wake up every Sunday and swear that I'd never drink again, whether I'd made an arse of myself or not, and in a few days the call would get too much and I'd be back again, not knowing why and not caring. It really was scary how little I thought of myself. I've been sober for a while now and still these feelings come and go and I'm beginning to wonder if they're just a fact of life but I'm dealing with them without drink, which makes it easier. Now I'm not sure if drinking caused me to feel so bad about myself or if those feelings are just part of who I am and I drank to abate them; I've forgotten how I got started down that road, but I know that I'm worth something if for no other reason than we all are and I'm beginning to find some peace inside. I'm starting over; learning how to be a useful person with a sense of dignity. It may sound a bit dramatic but that's the only way I can describe how I'm trying to get out of the cycle that was binding me for all that time. I've tossed away a lot of my perceptions about everything and am learning how to 'be' from scratch. My head was a mess and I'm really trying to keep things simple. There was always too much stuff going on in my head and most of it was nonsense; chasing things I didn't need or would never have and neglecting the things I should be nurturing.
I'm looking for contentment; to be content with my lot, whatever it is, which in general I am.

[brightlite]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

Dex,

I hope you come back and read all these posts...great advise.

As usual, Popeye, I am blown away by your insight and clarity...geez!

[dexterhead]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

thanks so much to all of you .. I love you ... I have a lot of work ahead of me, but thank God I have this community

[greeneyes]

why am I so afraid to do something that will be good for me???

AHEM!........ *whispers* read that book I sent you