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From the Heart

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    #1

    From the Heart

    Hello.

    Im going to be really strong and say what I need to say to all u lovely peeps on MWO. I have been here a while and it is good, supportive, etc..etc..but I know, in my heart of hearts that Im using it now for the wrong reasons. I log on here to get support but Im not using the "tools" to get better. i.e the meds and logging onto the "fight" club...to kinda cheer eachother along in remaining sober. I come here to find a like-minded soul...but I'm a "chicken" person and need the support of alcohol too. I have been so hurt by comments made by certain people but I have taken them on board...(Im not a waste of space) Im an alcoholic... Sometimes I guess alcoholics are nice people, just have this continuing battle with the "monkey on the shoulder." I have this all the time- When i wake- When i sleep. I never mean to frustrate people here and I'm sorry.

    I reckon what I'm TRYING to say...in my angst state.....is....Its up to ME to get it right... in MY life. That is what you have been saying to me all along. But, I cant listen because the alcohol is shouting over you...Do you know what I mean? Maybe Im beginning to realise things...or maybe not. Alcohol is So powerful.

    Bye for now. BellsXXX
    Tags: None
    #2
    From the Heart

    Hiya Bella, these are the lyrics to a Shirley Bassey song that was posted for me today. It blew me away. Thought I would share with you too.

    Funny how a lonely day, can make a person say:
    What good is my life
    Funny how a breaking heart, can make me start to say:
    What good is my life
    Funny how I often seem, to think I'll find never another dream
    In my life
    Till I look around and see, this great big world is part of me
    And my life
    This is my life
    Today, tomorrow, love will come and find me
    But that's the way that I was born to be
    This is me
    This is me

    This is my life
    And I don't give a damn for lost emotions
    I've such a lot of love I've got to give
    Let me live
    Let me live

    Sometime when I feel afraid, I think of what a mess I've made

    Of my life
    Crying over my mistakes, forgetting all the breaks I've had
    In my life
    I was put on earth to be, a part of this great world is me
    And my life
    Guess I'll just add up the score, and count the things I'm grateful for
    In my life
    This Is my life
    Today, tomorrow, love will come and find me
    But that's the way that I was born to be
    This is me
    This is me

    This is my life
    And I don't give a damn for lost emotions
    I've such a lot of love I've got to give
    Let me live
    Let me live

    This is my life
    This is my life
    This is my life
    Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
    Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

    Comment

      #3
      From the Heart

      And here is the song if you would like to have a listen

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVQfJZ9Mbsk[/video]]YouTube - Shirley Bassey THIS IS MY LIFE
      Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
      Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

      Comment

        #4
        From the Heart

        wow....i read every word. And I don't give a damn for lost emotions
        Ive such a lot of love I've got to give.

        Thanku for that Startingover.....X

        Comment

          #5
          From the Heart

          Dont make me cry now....!!!!!

          Comment

            #6
            From the Heart

            Go for it Bella girl!
            Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
            Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

            Comment

              #7
              From the Heart

              Its OK Ive been crying all feckin weekend, it helps!!
              Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
              Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

              Comment

                #8
                From the Heart

                Do u want to go to chat?

                Comment

                  #9
                  From the Heart

                  Sure
                  Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
                  Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

                  Comment

                    #10
                    From the Heart

                    Hi Bella,

                    You're right that it's up to you to do what is necessary and nobody can do it for you, but I think support is crucial, whether it's here or face-to-face.

                    Have you ever tried joining a daily thread, and trying to check in every day or a few times a week, whenever you can? I find it helps with accountability. You could give it a try for a while - can't do any harm, right? You'd be very welcome on the monthly abs thread anytime (or any of the others, of course! I'm just familiar with monthly abs).
                    sigpic
                    AF since December 22nd 2008
                    Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

                    Comment

                      #11
                      From the Heart

                      Hi Bella,
                      I do know what u mean...,,Alcohol is soooo powerful. 2today im going to try my hardest not to drink,( i just hope it all click in to place in my little head) now that my off licence close down, after there closing down sale 50 percent off AL, im feeling really sick and tired in myself no more for ME !!! GOD I feel so greed and ashame of myself..
                      Bella dont ever give up trying..:l
                      Formerly known as Teardrop:l
                      sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
                      my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

                      Comment

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