I noticed one of my huge booze triggers yesterday !!!!!
known this old fella for about 3 years now, he can't speak spanish, so I have helped him with translations when he goes to doc or hospital etc, plus got him sorted out onto the spanish health system so his meds don't cost him a penny.
we became friends he is seperated from his family, his choice, the wife was fucking about while he was in hospital getting both knees replaced, he was in a wheel chair so he wasn't very mobile....the cat couldn't move so the mouse went to play..!!!
anyway one time I went into detox he looked after ollie & bonnie so they didn't have to go into care while I was in, so I was indebted to him..at first I didn't notice it but he started making moves on me...SHOCK:wow: he is 23 yrs older than me.... aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yuk NOOOOOOOO
I told him, he was sad but acepted it rather than lose contact ,but he used to drive me mad kept phoning up and talking such crap and going on & on& on...... making excuses of needing to go to the doc etc, anyway it calmed down for a bit coz I was fed up with silly storys he would make up real chidish silly stuff I used to ignore it coz of his age but one time I told him to stop making up the storys it was driving me nuts and wasting my time.
so didn't speak to him since I started on my AF journey have been waking up to so many things in my life, why my life followed the path it has and why I now want to change it and be in control of it, be doing things that make me happy, not just living to please others and running around after others,
it is the first time in all my life I have lived 100% alone..
it was... Parents house, Uni, my 1st house, left the country my own houses in each country but always had boyfriend/husband/lover plus my children which don't get me wrong I love them in all he world, which I think you know ??
I have had peace to get myself mentally together, to get to grips with my AL problem, to do my very best to get out of it and be AF 100%, I know I said at first I would like to moderately drink in the future, I guess we all want that, but being realistic would be imposible at least for me.. I reckon after 37 years my body has been greedy enough and can do without it now, it's stopped.
ok I digress, Jim this old fella started calling again grrrrr, but I couldn't be nasty to the old bugger so took him to the doc, but then it strted again he needed to change his phone contract etc, etc... yesterday when he dropped me off I really wanted a f'ing drink.I was so happy after seeing ollie.. then 8 am he called asking did I want to go for lunch..I said no, but it is such an invasion into my privicy, my little world I have here grrrr...NO I didn't have a drink.. I want my Ollie back plus I don't want that shit in my body anymore messing with my judgement and screwing my brain & organs up
ok moan over.... sorry..
:h:h:h:h
Comment