Well, I woke up this morning sober - and not through a huge conscious effort, I just was. The girls came in singing Happy Birthday, I turned over for lots of cuddles and thought how lovely it was??..then I realized ?Oh, I?m 40 today and sober?.
This year has been a huge year for personal growth and exploration. I fought and fought to be sober on a daily basis and each morning I felt more emotionally battered and bruised, even when successful, dreading the fact that I would have to do it all over again that day ? even knowing that through blood, sweat and tears that I would make it through that day. Many days I didn?t.
Yes, there is definitely a physical relationship that will always be there and that I will always have to be aware and strong. But I felt that the only way I was going to have a chance at living was to try to understand the emotional crutch it gave me. Long story short????.many hours of hard work has resulted in finally understanding why and how I was hiding emotionally, being numb and empty is a hell of a lot easier than hurting and it was also the escape, to be free and happy just for a while. (And I was a very happy drunk 99% of the time.)
So on my 40th birthday I finally feel that I am living??.not existing.
My life has color and passion and tears and laughter and glorious noise. And it?s just the beginning....for me I think life really does start at 40. And yes, I am ever vigilant!!!
Thanks to MWO and all the many people here, those that have supported me and have become friends as well as the many, many I have read.
Thanks for listening.
Take care
xxx
This year has been a huge year for personal growth and exploration. I fought and fought to be sober on a daily basis and each morning I felt more emotionally battered and bruised, even when successful, dreading the fact that I would have to do it all over again that day ? even knowing that through blood, sweat and tears that I would make it through that day. Many days I didn?t.
Yes, there is definitely a physical relationship that will always be there and that I will always have to be aware and strong. But I felt that the only way I was going to have a chance at living was to try to understand the emotional crutch it gave me. Long story short????.many hours of hard work has resulted in finally understanding why and how I was hiding emotionally, being numb and empty is a hell of a lot easier than hurting and it was also the escape, to be free and happy just for a while. (And I was a very happy drunk 99% of the time.)
So on my 40th birthday I finally feel that I am living??.not existing.
My life has color and passion and tears and laughter and glorious noise. And it?s just the beginning....for me I think life really does start at 40. And yes, I am ever vigilant!!!
Thanks to MWO and all the many people here, those that have supported me and have become friends as well as the many, many I have read.
Thanks for listening.
Take care
xxx
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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