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Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

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    #1

    Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

    OK Where to start !!!
    I am SOOOO sorry !!
    But There are things that you all don't know about me.
    I'm not telling this as a excuse but maybe as some insite as to where that Bob came from.

    Before I got with my now ex (15 years ago).
    I had a extremly shady (read as criminal) and violent past.
    (I have NEVER been violent to her)!!!!
    When I first got with her I was living in a tent homeless and fresh out of jail.
    I have never been to prison but should probally be there now for some of the things I have done !!!
    I still don't know how she saw thru what I was then but she did!!
    She TOTALLY changed the person I was with her unconditonal LOVE for me at the time!!
    I became a different person even with the AL still in my life!!
    I guess that is why I still LOVE her to this day !!!!

    Anyway I just realized today that I feel that OLD Bob creeping back !!!
    I have had thoughts of my criminal contacts (MONEY)!!!
    And the ANGERY/VIOLENT Bob is rearing his head !!!
    I realize that most of the anger is really directed at me but I'm projecting it outward !!!

    For this I'm TRULLY SORRY please forgive me !!!!

    Sorry for PUKING this out on all of you but you are all I have !!!
    Hope I didn't get any on you !!

    PLEASE don't worry about me !!
    I will NEVER go back to what I was !!!

    Again I'm SORRY and I'll try not to let it happen again!!!!

    MUCH LOVE and PEACE to you all !!!!

    Bob
    Tags: None
    #2
    Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

    Hi Bob!

    I guess we all have a past and it is not something any of us are proud of. I believe that through my conditioning and choices in life I have become the man I have. To decondition myself from that past is not going to happen overnight if at all. In AA they would be known as our defects of character. We all have them and they are just a part of who we are. I have learned to accept me for who I am defects and all. I'm not perfect and I still get angry, manipulative, controlling, judgmental etc etc. They're all things I don't want to be, but I have to accept that I can be all these things at times. As long as I am aware of them I can do something about them when they do rear they're ugly heads. It's good that you are aware of yours too. The more you become aware the quicker these things subside in the future and the less amends you'll need to make! Keep on trucking my friend!

    Love and Light
    Phil
    xx
    "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
    Clean and sober 25th January 2009

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      #3
      Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

      there you go BOB let it out buddy .. the past is just that .. THE PAST ..from here on no regrets ..
      i know how hrad things are and in some ways i have been there and done that .. and you are making the change in the right direction .. for you and your kids .. so just keep on doing your best .. love and peace buddy
      :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
      best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

      Comment

        #4
        Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

        None of us are angels, bob.

        You`ve turned your life around..........is all that matters now.

        If she ever truly loved you, she`ll come back to you as you prove your integrity over time by remaining resolutely sober, and if not..........it`s because she was never the right person for you in the first place, despite how you may feel at this time.

        Vent all you like.........rejection hurts and then some. :l

        Star x
        Formerly known as Starlight Impress.

        Comment

          #5
          Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

          Dude.

          Big breath.

          Folks here know ...

          Climb back up a bit. Hang in.

          Comment

            #6
            Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

            Bob,

            This is the place to be,pickle.

            Vent away.

            Have another one:l

            J x
            It could be worse, I could be filing.
            AF since 7/7/2009

            Comment

              #7
              Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

              bob i am not very good with words and as i said before, evrybody expresses themself so much better then i do and i agree with evrybody so i just give you :l:l:l:l:l:l
              love draggy

              (if that makes sense)
              life is simple its just not easy

              Comment

                #8
                Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

                I love your honesty, Propartychief! Thank you.
                When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
                -- Franklin D Roosevelt --

                Comment

                  #9
                  Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

                  Bob, you are a brave soul for writing all that.
                  Now I have found that this is a place where we can be totally honest and not judged.
                  Our pasts are exactly that, past, but of course we sometimes get those old feelings and emotions back.
                  No apologies necessary, just stick around and keep working at the lovely you that you ARE!!
                  Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
                  Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

                    bob

                    bob i can relate to everything you just said,In the thread tell us ur story, re ,this was my life..in which for obvious reasons i dident say all.. i was pretty high up in that world.and i have still got many friends there who i see every now & again,& who are always asking me to get back in...but even though i have shit now,ie martarialistic things i am much happier wth myself,if it dident make it happy then why will it now. it wasent all your x who helped yourself,you did it as well. give yourself some credit. it will turn around. keep posting and i am sure you have got real friends where you can sit down and talk real to real. wishing you all the best. joe.


                    :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                    Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                    I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                    This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

                      Wow Thank You all so much for your support and putting up with all the shit I spew out on here at times.

                      I DO LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH !!!!

                      LOVE and PEACE to you all !!!!!

                      Bob :h:h

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

                        Bob, I'd been lurking here for a while and cut down a bit but not much. As much as anything I think it was reading YOUR posts that gave me the push I needed. I've been AF two weeks now. It sounds to me like you've done the tough bit, but if YOU can have that effect on MY life, imagine what else is possible.

                        Take care

                        S

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Sorry for my bad attiude in chat !!

                          :h
                          Spectra;769585 wrote: Bob, I'd been lurking here for a while and cut down a bit but not much. As much as anything I think it was reading YOUR posts that gave me the push I needed. I've been AF two weeks now. It sounds to me like you've done the tough bit, but if YOU can have that effect on MY life, imagine what else is possible.

                          Take care

                          S
                          Spectra,
                          I'm trully humbled at the fact my struggle has helped you !!
                          Congtats on the two weeks !!
                          It only gets better from here.
                          Keep up the GOOD work !!!

                          MUCH LOVE and PEACE !!!!

                          Bob :h:h

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