AF December Challenge

[Elsa]

AF December Challenge

Hi
Lodestar - why sorry? Thanks for the post, I do read the 'Jan - Just Do It' thread, I'm just not quick enough to jump in yet.
Roberta -

*you are such a good person!- *you need to believe it yourself!!!

You need to believe this too, it sounds very hard, I used to have a friend who was a complete control freak. I could only handle seeing her when I'd had a few for dutch courage, then a whole lot more to get me through the rest of the evening. Disagreeing with her just made her worse, in the end I just let the friendship go, but as yours is your husband and mother I know thats not an option for you.
Everything I've read on this site says that AL increases the anxiety, which I can relate to - I just thought I was weak, which I may well be - but I am alot less anxious when I have some AF time behind me. Maybe when you have a few AF days/weeks behind you, you will feel as strong as you really are. In the mean time be kind to yourself and try to take some time for you, YOU are just as important as the family around you.
Take care:l

[roberta930]

AF December Challenge

Hi Elsa- thanks for the moral support- I think you're quite right about AL increasing anxiety and self doubt. Also, I probably subconsciously choose people who do this to me because it's what I'm used to. Time to get out of the rut, get some AF time in and stand up to them.
So glad there isn't so much booze in the house now- like you I poured various remnants down the sink this morning and won't be buying more. Strangely enough, I never get a hangover- a bit woryying really as it probably means my body has been so bombarded by it that my tolerance level is horrendously high. Must get to shops tomorrow if the snow stops and get a liver test and some L-Glut.
Thanks for your note LS- will drop a post in-in next few days.
Hope you and dogs are feeling better E

R X

[Elsa]

AF December Challenge

Hi Robert
I hope you are feeling better, and that you have had some time for yourself. You give so much support to others, your family and friends, you are not weak, and you sound so determined. Good luck, I hope the L-glut works for you, and that the liver tests come back OK.
The snow and ice are stopping me from driving to the shops, so I haven't been out to buy AL, its keeping me sober. Although, if it was'nt I would probably have given in last night. I am now on day 7, still feeling tired and a bit emotional, but I hope it will pass if I can keep AF.
Take care:l

[roberta930]

AF December Challenge

Hi Elsa
Just did a posting half an hour ago but it hasn't shown up- You sound as though you're doing fine- 7 days are amazing! well done! I'm ok -got some L-glut today so will put it into practice tomoz
Love to you and the dogs - R X

[Elsa]

AF December Challenge

Hi
Not really amazing, just too much of a coward to drive to the shops on snow and ice, and have no AL in house. Last night I would have gladly given my right arm for a bottle of wine, tonight was not so bad, but still craving. How are you doing, is the L-glut helping, I keep skipping mine, which is probably why the cravings are so bad.
Dogs are loving the snow, I have to admit I've had enough of it now, but it does'nt seem to be going anywhere.
Take care:l

[roberta930]

AF December Challenge

Hi - i think you're very amazing- only had the L-Glut for 24 hrs so too early to say. Up to my knees in snow here and all the family are using my car ( the only 4 wheel drive here- which they all usually sneer at -as it is diesel/manual/noisy etc) so I can't go anywhere unless I'm prepared to walk over half a mile on single track road to nearest village/bus etc.
Our cat has become quite manic and keeps on biting husband-(is this some type of empathy?)
Glad your dogs like the snow - they are obviously very happy!
Like you I have had enough and just want it to go away!!!
Love R X

[Elsa]

AF December Challenge

Hi
A 4x4 sounds like a good idea right now, I had a half hour bus journey and a half hour walk to get to work without the car today, made me realise how unfit I've let myself get. I must get some exercise back into my routine, I can't believe I used to run regularly, now a half hour walk is hard work. Drinking has took so much away, I hope I haven't left it too late to get the good things back into my life.
It sounds like you are in the middle of nowhere, I hope the snow goes away soon, and life can get back to normal.
Take care:l

[roberta930]

AF December Challenge

Hi - know just how you are feeling!- had to walk over a mile in heavy/8"deep snow today( twice )and my thigh muscles are aching so much- even though I was wearing daughters fancy ski boots with max grip!
I don't think I've run anywhere properly for a long time- so you are probably streets ahead from me!
We haven't had any post for way over a week (he has a van!)as no one can/is prepared to get to us- just wish I hadn't given the postman such a good tip for Xmas- even the little newspaper girl has managed to get to us on foot! so glad that I gave her an even better tip and may even give her a bonus at end of week as she is a real trooper. Have lots of foxes/deer/badgers trampling round garden and some amazing birds- it's costing me an arm and leg to feed them all- but sooo worth it
Your journey sounds horrible but may be a turning point - fitness wise!
Love R X

[Elsa]

AF December Challenge

Hi
The walk was made better as I saw a fox on the way, for a city dweller thats quite a treat.
From how you describe it where you live sounds lovely, all that wildlife, all I have is the odd squirrel and the neighbours cat.
I have family staying this week, which is nice, but I must admit I am very used to living alone, I'm not sure I could handle it all the time like you do. I have to wait for them to go upstairs before I can log on here, then I'm listening for them to come back down. I bought AL for the family, and I have to admit to having a glass tonight, but just one - then bed. I am disapointed in myself, I did'nt really want it, but its like I forced myself to have it, so I could look normal. Stupid - again. Maybe one day I'll learn.
Hopefully this snow will go soon, and save both our legs. Although I really must do some exercise, I 'd rather not do it at 6am, in the dark, choking on traffic fumes.
Take care:l
PS Did you get the liver test? Can you just get them in the chemist? I don't know if I'd be brave enough to ask for it, and my GP is a definite no.

[roberta930]

AF December Challenge

Hi- have just lost big posting yet again- will do it again tomoz as have to go offline - R X

[roberta930]

AF December Challenge

Hi- Must try to get message properly posted tonight! Yes, it's lovely seeing all this wild life- I've been putting out meat for the foxes each night (usually stuff that has been in the deep freeze and over a month old) they're pretty amazing and turn up at almost the same time each night- so I can watch them. Even the deer have become quite tame and are happy if I walk out and put more food around. The big secret is to never tell anyone around the village- as the local farmers shoot anything that moves!
I'm feeling ok at present- taking the L-Glut and not drinking too much-(2-3 glasses per night max.) but would really like to be completely AF and hoping to accomplish that in next month- certainly haven't been on an out of control binge since Jan 2009 and never want to go there again! Have been reading George Best's autobiography which is a big help- for trying to get a normal life before it kills me!.
Didn't manage to find a liver function test in town the other day- so will probably have to get one via internet (when husband is on a foreign trip- as he must not know about it).
Don't feel bad about having one glass of wine with visitors- at least you were able to do it and stop there!
Still surrounded with snow and beseiged with phone calls from aged mother up to 6 times a day- is there no escape!
Cat is ok- hope your dogs are coping.

Love R X

[Elsa]

AF December Challenge

Hi
My one glass turned into 2, and I've been drinking a few every night since, I really need to get back on track, but I just give in to the cravings. I haven't got drunk, but I know this will esculate if I don't stop it now.
On the plus side its been raining all day, so the snow is finally going, and life can get back to normal.
I love the idea of foxes and deer in the garden, although where I live they'd get run over rather than shot.
You sound like you are doing really well with controling the drinking, like you I never want another binge, too much pain. You will get to be AF, you sound very determined and very positive.
Thanks for being here, I'm so disapointed in myself for drinking tonight, coming here and reading your post makes me feel better, less alone in this.
Take care:l

[roberta930]

AF December Challenge

Hi - couldn't get online last night as too many people around. I like to try to post every day as it helps to keep me focussed and heaven knows I need to!
Like you,I have been drinking a few each night and can see/feel the warning signs of going out of control. I've got a dull ache over the liver and kidney area so am going to start total AF today (fingers crossed). The George Best book was quite scary -as once he started to show real signs of liver damage it was practically all over! (also involving lots of horrible treatment and masses of pain).
The snow has almost gone so at least I can out and about more which will also stop me eating so much. I put lots of weight on over Xmas -so have decided to return to WW and get some of it off.
How is work going? is it any happier? I'm working from home now, which is great for not having to see the people at work I didn't like but can be isolating.
I know what you mean about not feeling so alone- thats just the way I am- it always gives me a lift to hear from you- as I can't discuss this problem with anyone else around me- they would be disgusted!

Keep strong! R X

[Elsa]

AF December Challenge

Hi
The thought of liver damage is scarey, part of me wants to get a liver function test, part of me does'nt want to know.
Work is going OK, I just don't seem to be very motivated right now, I know I should be grateful to have a job these days, but I would love to move jobs. Unfortuantly I am tied into this job for at least 4 years, so it is'nt worth worrying about. You must be very motivated to work from home, I know I would find 101 other things to do rather than work, I was supposed to spend the weekend studying, but I ended up washing, cleaning etc.
I really need to lose some weight as well, does ww work, I'm not sure I like the idea of getting on the scales infront of a room full of people, you are very brave. Good luck with it.
Take care:l

[roberta930]

AF December Challenge

Hi- I wish I could say I was very motivated at working from home, but like you, I often keep putting it off and doing household things instead. Mornings are the worst as I sit about reading the paper and eating porridge- putting off the evil day- until I get the odd phone call enquiring after my expected output!
WW is pretty low key- I think the days when they made a spectacle of you at weigh- in are long gone (probably because no one ever went back!) It's all very discreet so only you and the leader get to know how bad or good you are. It certainly works though- I think one of the reasons being that you are paying for it and get angry with yourself if nothing is coming off! The drink problem is still with me though, but I'm still AF, day three now and know tonight will be very hard as I've cooked a better than usual dinner and it's always tempting to crack open a bottle at such times. Is your work on some kind of contract? pity you can't get transferred or something.
Supposed to be more snow tomoz- can't wait! yuk!!

Keep warm and cheerful! - R