Change - Relationships

[Davie Souter]

Hi,
I am reading a book by an Irish addiction counsellor who is a recovering alcoholic also.
In the book he talks about the need for change in order for recovery to be successful. He talks a lot about changing how we relate to people and in our relationships with people. For myself I see that I need to be able to change how I relate to people I would normally siocialise with through AL in that I want to be confident enough to socilaise in environments where AL is being consumed. But that aside I'm not sure what other ways I should change how I relate to people. I have a good relationship with family, friends and work colleagues. My drinking hasn't really affected anyone but myself on a personal level. I understand that a serious lifestyle chnage is required and how I look upon AL and my relationship with it.

What do you guys take from his suggestion that we need to chnage how we relate to people? Is this something that is more relevant to people with spouses and family or am I being blind to chnages I may need to make?

DS

[Tulipe]

Change - Relationships

Hi Dave,
Thanks for starting the thread. I can't speak for how you might change how you relate to people, since you are pretty comfortable, but I can offer a few examples.
Maybe the playdates my daughter used to have were arranged by me since the other moms on our group also drank excessively. Maybe I should seek out playdates based on my childrens' interests instead.
Maybe our weekend night out usually involved drinks, dinner, and more drinks with other couples who also drank excessively. Maybe our new weekend night out should be to see a show, sober, or go to an art gallery, sober, or the opera or symphony, sober.
Maybe I didn't join a book group because I couldn't retain the material well if I read at night. But I love to read. So now that I am reading at night, and remembering it, I would love to find a group of friends with whom to discuss these books.
Just for starters...

[boozehag]

Change - Relationships

Hi Dave
My personal experience of this is that this is not as hard or quite as life changing as it might sound when looking at it from the beginning of your journey. Like many I used alcohol as a social lubricant or social crutch. I related to most of the people in my life through it and with it. When I started getting sober first I did not socialize much or see a lot of the people that I usually socialized with. That was mainly because I was trying to get AF and I had to put that first and not put myself in risky situations when I was not strong enough in my AF’ness to get through it. So I sort of hibernated for a while until I got some good AF time under my belt (e.g. 60+ days). But bit by bit I got back out there each time getting braver and more confident but only staying out for short periods and always having an exit strategy. I must admit it was scary at first (and boring!) and it is much harder to relate to people without AL but I made sure I ate and took my l-glut (all my little protection mechanisms from drinking triggers). The scary bit is you have to relate to people for real and you have to be the real you and seeing as I spent so much time with my head in a bottle I didn’t know who the real me was without AL so that was challenging but it turns out I am the same mad person without AL as I am with AL except I probably dont repeat myself quite so much! But like everything else it’s all about putting in the time and practice and after a while it becomes second nature to you and then after another while you suddenly realize that you are really enjoying yourself. When you reach that point it’s just such a huge massive buzz (as good as any drug!) cos you know you have reached the point where you are doing it and enjoying without AL and that you have won that particular battle. I found that most of my relationship’s survived my getting sober and most have improved immensely as they are now real and true and in the moment and not complete total shallow shite in a fog of drink. Lots of my friends and family still drink and that is neither here nor there for me now. It took them a while to get used to me not drinking but they don’t even notice now either – and of course there are benefits for them as I can drive everyone. So I would say that your relationships may only change for the better and you can look forward to that. Its bloody marvellous...
M

[mario]

Change - Relationships

Hi david your doing great,keep up the great work,i will just add, Overcoming alcohol dependence doesn't just mean stopping drinking,it means changing the way you live life and your outlook on life.
Many people still feel a strong urge to drink alcohol for quite some time after they have taken the decision to give up.
If life without alcohol occasionally makes you feel frustrated,lonely,bored, angry you are not alone,many people who have succeeded in giving up alcohol felt like this at first,The solution is not to fight the feeling,but to change your life,This means focusing on the positive things that give you more health,vitality and enjoyment for the things you choose to do,developing a positive plan of action is the first all important step,this plan should include and you have already started some of them.
eating well
enjoying some exercise
taking relaxation and avoiding stress
Developing a positive attitude and surrounding yourself with happy positive people,
Getting a good night sleep.
Remember these 5 key points and develop your own personal action plan.
keep up the great work.:-)

[Davie Souter]

Change - Relationships

BoozeHag,
Wow - what a reply. Just the tonic I needed as I contemplate life AF - thanks again.

Mario,
Thanks - all those items included in the Plan. Thanks for your support. The book I am reading reiterates what you have said in that recovery is not just about putting the drink but changing your approach to life and people.

Its very interesting to hear different preoples perceptions.